Jamie Ridler is doing the Joy Diet by Martha Beck as a book club and I am joining in the reading.

This is the final chapter and it’s about feasting. I’m sure those of you who celebrated Thanksgiving recently know about feasting.But how many of you really tasted your food? Savored it?

And feasting is more about food. To be a feast, Beck says there needs to be a sequence of elements: celebration, nourishment and thanks.

Celebration requires a ritual that makes it special. It can be elaborate or a minor rite. You probably already have rituals. For example, before writing blog posts I do a fun writing exercise. Before bed I always lay out my clothes for the next day. Saturdays my husband makes breakfast. Sundays we have dinner at lunch time.

You can be nourished by food – if it’s what you really enjoy and you must enjoy what you eat, plus you need to eat it mindfully. You can be nourished by beauty – color, painting, music, a good movie, nature. You can be nourished by rest and relaxation – spa types, sleep, stretching, touch. We can be nourished by brain candy- TV, magazines, cartoons, cat movies on YouTube. And finally we can be nourished by love – exchanging affection, compliments, expressing love.

Anything that feeds your true self physically, emotionally, intellectually or spiritually can be a feast.

The final step is gratitude. Giving thanks is so important. You realize how really great your life is – even when it seems it isn’t.

Martha Beck suggests at least 3 feasts a day. Some of mine this week:

• Enjoying the silliness and music of the film Mama Mia
• Thanksgiving dinner with my family.
• Playing Boggle and Upwords with my family.
• Sleeping 12 hours one night.
• Gave myself a pedicure.
• Singing to the CD’s on our drive home.
• Petting the cat who really missed us.

How can you feast this week?

Jamie Ridler is doing the Joy Diet by Martha Beck as a book club and I am joining in the reading.

This chapter on connection I think is the most important. Without connecting with people, everything else is just stuff.

Real connection is risky so sometimes people avoid it. Beck lists things like people pleasing, manipulation, withholding information, tantrums, righteous indignation, overt helplessness, shaming, persuasion, indifference, lying, etc. as ways to not risk real connection. Any of those familiar to you?

She suggests some of the joy diet techniques to increase connection:

• Just being with someone in silence, even for just a few moments.
• Tell yourself the truth about a person. What stories are you telling about the relationship? And what might work better?
• Ask yourself what you really want in the relationship.
• Risk openness. Actually say what you want. What would you say if you had no fear?

We think if we don’t say what we want, then we won’t be hurt or disappointed. But, we hurt more when we don’t say anything. I see this a lot in marriages. Someone wants to take a class or take a trip, but they are afraid to bring it up to their spouse. And often when they do, the spouse supports and helps make it happen. When the spouse doesn’t, then they at least know they have to work it out themselves.

Or it can be requesting flex hours at work. Or telling a friend they have to call when they get there, because you don’t have time to wait for them every time you two go out.

I knew someone who could get me free tickets to something I really wanted to be involved in. So I asked if he could get me tickets if I wrote an article about it for his newsletter. Something I would never have done before, but I’ve been practicing asking for what I want more often. I’ve found people don’t read your mind very well.

Let go of your masks this week and make real connections.

Jamie Ridler is doing the Joy Diet by Martha Beck as a book club and I am joining in the reading. I really enjoyed reading about other’s experience with the book. I’ve been continuing with my nothing from between 5 and 20 minutes and asking myself about the truth.

The chapter on desire was an important one for me. I always say that you need to know what you want in order to simplify your life. Otherwise you are getting rid of things and activities that you truly like and adding more time for things you don’t really want.

I thought I had pretty much what I wanted. We have the house, the simpler life, I work from home with work I love, spend time with family. But, lately I’ve been thinking – o.k. what’s next. I have two high schoolers – one who is a senior and I think the next part of my life is peeking out at me.

So this week I have been asking myself every day, "What do I want most right now?" So far I have not gotten any huge revelations – one new client, time in a good book relaxing, to live a life I enjoy. I also have a volunteer prospect to mull over.

But, I think continuing to ask this question will bring me closer and closer to a life I enjoy and that is fulfilling. It takes time to cultivate a life you love especially when your wants change throughout the years.

I know asking that question can be difficult, especially for those of us in the church. We are taught to only want what God wants, thinking He doesn’t care what we want. But, I think He does – otherwise why create beauty, community and love? I think He loves the times we are happy just as much as the times we are learning and growing. And I think often the desires of our heart are desires He put there.

Martha Beck also warns against false desires – you know the ego ones that feel anxious, grasping and withholding wanting to impress or control. True desires are freeing and joyful and generous.

Along with asking what I want, I am redoing my goals list. I looked at it and it felt draining, full of shoulds.I am now creating a list that energizes me and brings joy to me and others.

What do you want most right now?
 

Jamie Ridler is doing the Joy Diet by Martha Beck as a book club and I am joining in the reading. I really enjoyed reading about other’s experience with nothing. I’ve been continuing with my nothing from between 5 and 20 minutes.

This section is on Truth. These are things we have buried because we don’t want to face them. She says, "Ironically, the things we refuse to know are by definition things we know already – that’s how we know we don’t want to know them – y’know?"

I’ve written about truth before and how until you tell yourself the truth, you will not live a simpler, more fulfilling life.

Why You Won’t Slow Down

Questions to Help You Simplify Your Life

So why don’t we tell ourselves the truth?

 "The truth threatens everything about us that is not authentic: every habit, every relationship, every financial arrangement, every belief." – Martha Beck

It can be hard to tell ourselves the truth because then we might decide to make changes to our lives. But, wouldn’t you rather move towards a more authentic life then stay stuck in your own lies?

Beck supplies questions to help us get to our truth. Questions about our feelings, hurts and the stories we tell ourselves.

This week I discovered stories like, "Unless I am being productive, I am not worth much." And the truth I found is that I am worth taking care of even if I am not being productive at the moment.

Another story after all my plans for the day got messed up, "If things don’t go how I’ve planned, I’ve failed and things will all go downhill." Replaced by the idea that this change in plans just gives me a chance to spend extra time with my son.

Or this self pitying one – "No one appreciates me at home." Yuck! Which when I turned it around was, "I am not appreciating anyone at home." After spending the day appreciating and thanking I felt much better.

The big one I uncovered is that I was willing to work with unreasonable time tables because I didn’t want anyone mad at me. I thought because I fixed the thought pattern that if the general public doesn’t like my slower paced life that was fine. But, I discovered it is different for the people close to me. I care very much if one of them is mad at me. So this is one insight I will be playing with in the future.

What stories have you been telling yourself? What truth is there?