In Chapter 19 of Comfort Secrets for Busy Women, Jennifer Louden tells us we get to create our life anew each day. But in order to know what we want to choose , to create our life, we need to slow down so we have time to deliberate, contemplate, listen. Otherwise our inner world cannot keep up with our actions.

We need that little space between an event and our response to it, so we can choose more consciously.

“Don’t move until you honestly stop to listen.”

How many days do you speed through, doing your routines, responding in habit, not even stopping to think if this is what you need or want or value?

One of her questions this chapter is, “How can I cherish and enchant my sweet self?” I love this question. It helps my mind jump to fantasyland where I lived as a child and still can when I remember. Today it was visiting a new farmer’s market, much bigger than the one close to me. I dressed in a flouncy skirt and a flowery light shawl pretending I was in Provence. I strolled enjoying the sights and smells. Along with fruits and vegetables, I brought home long stemmed Irises the colors of sunsets for the kitchen table.

In Chapter 18 of Comfort Secrets for Busy Women, Jennifer Louden reminds us that we have a limited amount of energy, time and money to create a life with. So we need to choose. Practice saying I choose to, rather than I should, I have to. And actually choose things you want in your life.

You need to know yourself well enough and be strong enough to recognize are yearnings and at the same time being able to say we don’t always get what we yearn for. Since we are in relationships we may decide to choose something for another person. But it is our choice.

The comfort queen question for this chapter, “What is one issue I am feeling two contradictory impulses about?” and then “What greater whole could embrace both desires?” It doesn’t always have to be either or. Believe their might be another option out there.

In Chapter 17 of Comfort Secrets for Busy Women, Jennifer Louden tells of the stories of women creating their lives. What is your story of creating your life? What do you want to create in the following days? And what can you do right now to bring you closer to that creation?

And it doesn’t have to be something considered “creative”. It may be a product idea, a connection with someone, a peaceful atmosphere, a fun event, a positive outlook, a flower garden.

What is in you that longs to come out?

In Chapter 16 of Comfort Secrets for Busy Women, Jennifer Louden writes that too many times people think of balance and self-care as another to do. But, it doesn’t have to be huge. A few minutes water plants to get you back in touch with nature. A 10 minute walk. A few minutes of reading.

If balance is a “should” then it is just another form of perfectionism. Balance doesn’t mean everything balances out perfectly, that we need a certain percentage of things. Instead we need to see what we need personally and those we love. It’s complex and sometimes parts of your life are more important than others.

She says we need to keep listening and ask the question, “What one thing could I do in the days ahead to become the person I most want to be.”

In Chapter 15 of Comfort Secrets for Busy Women, Jennifer Louden writes one of my favorite lines in the book, “I gained courage and regained resilience when I gave up wishing that life was other than it was; when I gave up wishing that events were other than they were; when I surrendered to the painful truth of what was.”

 I don’t want to be one of those people that keeps saying, “I wish….didn’t happen.” Well, it did happen. And we can’t change it now. But, we don’t need to allow it to keep sucking away our energy. Using creativity and resilience we can overcome.

Also in this chapter is the idea of spirals – finding the same things, but from different perspectives. Each time a problem comes to you, you will have learned better how to accept things that happen.

We are happier when we increase our capacity for conflict and capacity. Something always happens. This is life. Yet, so many people (and sometimes I) act like everything should run smoothly all the time.

We don’t want to fall apart when our daughter needs cookies for the bake sale and she just told us about it. Or our son can’t find his soccer shoes. So I am going to increase my capacity.

One of the questions from this chapter, “If I let my body talk, what would she say?” I had a massage today after not having had one for about a year. I was tight in all sort so places. I was carrying tension in my shoulders, my wrist and my jaw and didn’t even realize it. I already made my next massage appointment and also will do a little self-massage on my wrists and jaw.

In Chapter 14 of Comfort Secrets for Busy Women, Jennifer Louden writes, “We have to be careful with this idea of creating our lives. We can easily mix up a heady cocktail of self-importance with a control-freak chaser.”

Instead we should strive for the middle way between creating our lives and recognizing life as it happens to us. Slow down enough to see our path in front of us. Listening to God.

So since we don’t need to always be creating our lives we tend to anxious with the not knowing. We try to bring the unfamiliar and change it to the familiar. The safe. But, we are going to have to dance with fear – want to feel fully alive more than we want to feel comfortable.

A conversation Jennifer had with her Comfort Queen in the book really made me stop. “You make it sound as if I have to live in a constant state of anxiety and fear.”

“Well, don’t you anyway.”

If you move your life around so you don’t feel fear, you are acting out of fear. Out of the fear of feeling fear. It’s time to leap through fear.

This chapter one of the questions asked is, “What am I grateful for?”

My answer of a few things…two warm sunny days in a row…food stocked up in the pantry…finally finding a new swim suit I like…soft pillows…a cat that keeps me company…several wonderful talks with people this week…my family is getting over their sicknesses…planning our vacation…feeling really good today