I see people get caught up in wishland.

They remember when they were healthy and think, "If only I were well, than I could get things done." They concentrate on that thought so often that they lose energy before they even start on something. When you fight with reality you are the one that suffers.

It doesn’t have to be health either. I remember someone who kept saying, "If only Extreme Home Makeover would come to my home, than my problems would be over." That wish dominated her world and she did little to help herself.

Parents of young children can get caught up in how much more time they had before kids and now it’s "impossible" to get things done.

Life changes. Life can be difficult. But, living in wishland makes things worse by making you feel helpless.

Driving out of Wishland

So how do you get out of wishland?

The first thing to do is watch your thoughts. As soon as you start thinking about how much easier it was in the past or wishing it were better now, stop yourself. (It may help to have an alarm go off every 1/2 hour so you can check in with your thoughts until it becomes more habitual.)

Ask yourself:

1. What is my body telling me right now? This morning my body told me to take Excedrin Migraine and go back to bed. I’m behind on my work now, but I can function. If I hadn’t listened I would have plowed through work, ending up with a bigger headache. And out of commission longer.
2. What is my current situation – right now? Are my expectations realistic or based on a different time in my life? If you have fybro and it’s a bad day, don’t make your list impossible to do. Be gentle with yourself. If lots of time is taken with caring for an elderly parent, don’t cram more projects into your life.
3. What one small step can I take to move forward? People keep emailing me saying how great the declutter calendar is because it breaks things down into such small steps they can declutter without a lot of time or energy. Most things can be broken down. Even five minutes a day can accomplish more than you think.

Make plans based on your current situation.

Work with your challenges instead of pretending they don’t exist or wishing things were different. If you know at 4pm every day you crash, plan for this as recovery time. If you know you only have 5 minutes max to do something because you have young kids, have a list of 5 min tasks on the fridge. If you have good days and bad days health wise see how many bad days you average a week and make your plans accordingly. Don’t plan your day based on an ideal day. Base it on an average day in your current life.

You may think you "need" to do more. You don’t like the limits placed on you.

What if you used those limits to narrow down what is most important to you? Recognizing those limits are opportunities to say, "Reading my child a story is more important than finishing the laundry." "This creative idea I have is more important than playing on Facebook." Wishing for a better day has you wanting to do everything even when you can’t. Then you feel badly about yourself and your life.

But consciously choosing what you have the time and energy for gives you an even more fulfilling life.

So at the end of the day, don’t look at what you could of, should of, would of done. Look at the loving moments. The fulfilling times. What you were able to do.

Where are you stuck in wishland? How can you create a more realistic and fulfilling plan for your life?

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Photo by Alice Popkorn

Most of my clients have super big goals for this week. So I have had to talk some of them down. Vacation time is not only to get your home back in shape, it’s to recover and to spend time with your family.

Check your to do list, is there a balance? Not perfect balance because that is elusive and doesn’t really exist. But, a simple balance.

Do you have home projects on the list, like decluttering the bedroom or getting through some paper piles? Have just a couple on the list and once those are done you can always add more. After all, I am sure there is already some cleaning up from the holidays that also needs to get done.

How about family activities? Maybe visiting the grandchildren, taking the kids to the movies, or having a family game night. Try to have some family time every day on vacation.

Then there is recuperation time. Do you have any relaxing time on your list? Some reading, extra quiet time to think about the year ahead, long walks, or coffee with friends. Add daily recuperation time to your list.

If you don’t enjoy this vacation time, if you have it, then you will start the new year back at work as tired as you left.

How about if you don’t have vacation?

I am self-employed, so I have work to do. I am trying to work less this week, but there is still work. If you have to work this week too, maybe leave most of the home projects and other projects till after the New Year. Enjoy this time with your family & friends and get some evening recuperation time for yourself.

Off to go to the in-laws to celebrate Christmas!

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Photo by: Michael Cory

Take a look at your paper piles. Are any of those papers really projects?

And it’s helpful to go through your project files at least once a season. I went through mine last weekend. Gone was the completed time course, last year’s school folder for my daughter, and a financial deal. And I added a file for a retreat I’m planning, a trip to Washington D.C. and clean eating recipes.

I also do many projects almost exclusively online. No paper – yea! But where to put all the info?

I use Microsoft OneNote for my projects. You can cut and paste all sorts of things in there. Other people like Evernote.

You don’t have to have detailed plans, but support info and next actions are important.

How do you deal with projects?

Instead, I loosened my body and let it flow where it wanted to go. My head bobbed, my waist danced from side to side and I didn’t feel nearly as clobbered.

(Not our Jeep, but you get the picture)

This is a good way to look at the upcoming holiday season. Turkeys will burn, toys will be sold out, you’ll forget to send a card to someone. Expect that things will get screwed up. And go with the flow. They aren’t the disasters we make them out to be when we are over-stressed. In fact they are often the stories for future holidays.

Remember when mom got strep throat and we ended up eating turkey pot pies for thanksgiving? Remember the snow storm where we slept in a gas station parking lot because all of the hotels were filled? Remember how badly you wanted tickle me elmo? And they were sold out, but you got so excited a month after Christmas when you finally got it.  (All true stories for me)

What if this year you relaxed? If you didn’t get worked up over the little things? I want you to really be happy and merry this season.

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Photo by: W Silver

If you want a Simpler Holiday plan:

Do you want a holiday plan that doesn’t have you do a million things you just don’t have time for?

I’ve tried the holiday plans that are online. But, I never finished them. Having simplified my Christmas I didn’t use many of the parts of those plans. And they just made me feel guilty.

Would you like a simpler holiday plan ?

I created a plan that I use to keep my holidays organized without overwhelming me.

Bundle it with the Simple Annual Plan to help plan your year ahead.

Simple Holiday Plan PLUS the Simple Annual Plan Bundle

Or get the holiday plan alone: Simple Holiday Plan

Do you have a project or goal you are doing or about to do? What would it mean to set yourself up to win?

Some ideas:

• Get enough sleep
• Get a relative or babysitter to watch the kids
• Visualize the outcome before starting to go from, "this is too hard" to "this is what I want to see."
• Clear off your desk
• Create a project file
• Clean up a location
• Get a coach, buddy or support person for accountability
• Get any materials
• Block out time in your schedule
• Plan reviewing progress time
• Set up your environment to make your project easier
• Decide which of your strengths can help this project
• Be clear on what outcome you want
• Anticipate obstacles and come up with solutions to overcome

The easier you make a project on yourself, the more likely it will get to completion. Preparing helps you finish.

Photo by JayneandD

Is it more relaxing to fill up the tank one evening or go to the gas station, wait in line, on the way to work in the morning?

Is it easier to plan a weekly menu and get your groceries at once or think about what you want for dinner every night at 5pm?

Is it more fun to plan for a day off on the weekend or let another Sunday be filled with work and chores?

One of my clients just got a calendar that he can see the week and month ahead with. It’s making a big difference already.

If you set aside time at the beginning of the week to look ahead, you can solve many problems with less effort.

• Look at your appointments for the next week. Anything you need to prep for?
• Look at the upcoming deadlines in the next month. Can you do anything for these projects now?
• Do you have to save money for an insurance payment, vacation or a fridge that is on the fritz?
• What days will you need extra quick meals?
• If you are going to be by the post office this week, can you take your library books if it’s nearby?

Don’t wait for your phone to beep at you to let you know what you need to do. Plan ahead and see how much more breathing space you get.

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Photo by: Joe Lanman

When I looked at it, I saw quite a few things that would be nice to do, but weren’t necessary. So these went onto a different list for if I have extra time.

Now I only have about five things on the list for each day and everything else on the if I have time weekly list.

Much better.

That’s when you know you have forgotten the purpose of the project. You want to shower love on the person. And even if everything doesn’t get done or isn’t perfect, you can still fulfill that purpose.

We do this all the time with projects. Do you have any projects that you are feeling bogged down in details right now? Can you think of the big picture? The overall purpose?

Now how can you best achieve your purpose, without overwhelming yourself?

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Photo by Brea Dargis

She has the summer off. But like many teachers and people with summers off she ends up wanting to do all the projects put off during the school year.

So with all the projects and obligations, how do does she prioritize and focus on a daily plan?

1. Project List. The first thing I would suggest is to list all the projects and obligations, plus the deadlines on one sheet of paper. Many times we have ideas of things we want to do, but don’t categorize them as projects. So packing for a vacation becomes one overwhelming task.
2. Weekly Planning. Next happens during weekly planning. Pick the top 3 most important/urgent projects to work on during the upcoming week. Write down the next actions for these project to take on a weekly list. These need to be small like 15 min home office paperwork, list what we need for vacation, call to check on daughter.
3. Daily Planning. Besides your routine tasks, pick 3 things you need to do that day. If those get completed, you can choose 3 more off your weekly list. Don’t know which to choose? Going with the gut is usually a good choice. Breathe a few breaths, then look over the list and see which stands out to you the most. You have to breathe first to relax or it’s more difficult to read signals. And people first is always a good indicator.

When you have lots of projects going at once it can be easy to flit from task to task without finishing things. So set a timer to keep yourself on track. Try to complete each task fully before moving on to the next task. (Notice I said task, not project. Projects rarely get done in one sitting, so keep breaking them down until you have little resistance to the task.)

And most importantly, while you are working on one project, get the rest of your projects off your mind. If you are spending all your time worrying about a different project, the current project won’t get the focus it needs. If you think of an action step for another project, write it down on the weekly list so you can re-focus on your current project.

The 2011 Summer Planning Worksheet is available now:

2011 Summer Planning PDF

If you haven’t done this before or want a refresher, you can read my post from last year:

Summer Planning