I broke one of my rules the other day by talking about balance (for your Christmas break). In general, I stay away from the word balance.

The problem is it’s so elusive. How do you know when you are in balance? Do the hours have to match up perfectly? Are you getting everything done you want? Is it balanced every day? Every week? Every month? Who decides when you are in balance?

Balance is another word for perfectionism to me. "If I am thin, emotionally aware, serving, doing great at mothering and/or my work, have outstanding relationships, have a beautiful home then I am in balance."

And we never feel we are doing great at even just one, much less all of them. We are all out of balance most of the time. There is always something different we could or should be doing.

I know when my kids were little that was my main focus. Sometimes the house got cleaned, sometimes we took long walks together. Sometimes I got a shower, sometimes I got food on the table. Sometimes they took a long enough nap to get a project done, sometimes I took a nap too.

People get sick, work projects have deadlines, and life in general is chaos.

So what is better than searching for balance?

Checking in with moments.

Asking yourself, "What do I need right now?" and "What’s the next, right thing to do?"

You can create a check in jar to help you.

When you listen to your inner guidance, you are led to the truer things to do for you. Which may or may not lead to balance.

Fulfilling lives are rarely balanced.

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Photo by: CogDog

Most of my clients have super big goals for this week. So I have had to talk some of them down. Vacation time is not only to get your home back in shape, it’s to recover and to spend time with your family.

Check your to do list, is there a balance? Not perfect balance because that is elusive and doesn’t really exist. But, a simple balance.

Do you have home projects on the list, like decluttering the bedroom or getting through some paper piles? Have just a couple on the list and once those are done you can always add more. After all, I am sure there is already some cleaning up from the holidays that also needs to get done.

How about family activities? Maybe visiting the grandchildren, taking the kids to the movies, or having a family game night. Try to have some family time every day on vacation.

Then there is recuperation time. Do you have any relaxing time on your list? Some reading, extra quiet time to think about the year ahead, long walks, or coffee with friends. Add daily recuperation time to your list.

If you don’t enjoy this vacation time, if you have it, then you will start the new year back at work as tired as you left.

How about if you don’t have vacation?

I am self-employed, so I have work to do. I am trying to work less this week, but there is still work. If you have to work this week too, maybe leave most of the home projects and other projects till after the New Year. Enjoy this time with your family & friends and get some evening recuperation time for yourself.

Off to go to the in-laws to celebrate Christmas!

***

Photo by: Michael Cory

Where does your time go? We all know we are busy, yet we feel behind and don’t get to do the things we really want to do.

Planning is the best time saver there is. At the beginning of the week jot down your goals that you want to accomplish, fun things you want to do, work that needs to be done, and appointments to keep. Then write out a loose schedule for the week ahead, balancing it out between work, family, home, self and your other roles.

You can choose to put your action items on daily to do lists or schedule them on a calendar like appointments. How you keep track of your things to do for the week, depends on how much structure you personally like or need.

When you plan, it is helpful to schedule things for twice as long as you expect them to take. That gives you extra time for those traffic jams, interruptions, and fun, spontaneous moments. I try to plan on leaving 10 minutes earlier than I have to, for all my appointments, in case of unexpected delays.

My weekly planning session usually takes less than thirty minutes. My planning session includes gathering my papers and going through the in-box to find action items. I also plan goals, next action items for my projects, plan a two hour time alone, and plan a date with my husband. I schedule work, exercise, fun time, time with friends and family, volunteer work, and self-care time. Planning allows the important to take precedent over the urgent for once.

But, be flexible with your plan. Remember you are not a slave to your planner. It is there to serve you. If your time management system isn’t working, tweak it.

Here are some more time management tips:

1. Know what’s important to you. Figure out your values and your vision.

2. Start delegating to family members, co-workers, professionals, and teenagers needing extra money.

3. Learn to say no to what is not in your mission or your values.

4. Let go of perfectionism. Not everything has to be done perfectly and some things are out of your control.

5. Listen to audio tapes during your commute or household tasks.

6. Use a planner or phone that includes a daily to do list, a weekly calendar, a monthly calendar, a listing of projects, telephone numbers and important information.

7. Empty out your planner of the clutter and junk. Put the little pieces of paper in an in-box to go through in your weekly planning session.

8. Keep your planner with you at all times.

9. Do not keep a bunch of calendars around. Use only one so everything is in one place.

10. Keep a master list of all the things you need to do, call, see, write, etc. Don’t use post-it notes all over. They seem to get lost.

11. Answer routine letters by answering them on the original. Photocopy your message for your own files then send off the original.

12. Cut down on TV time. Plan your TV time so you only watch the shows you really wanted to see. If you are watching, clean during commercials or sew while viewing.

13. Lay out all the things you need for the next day, the night before.

14. Tidy your desk before you leave work so it will be clean for the next session.

15. Try to spend time on planning and important things so you are not always "putting out fires."

16. Use a timer to keep you from spending too much time on one thing or to challenge you when you are cleaning.

17. Relax when you are relaxing and work when you are working.

18. Make goals and rewrite goals every few months, so you have a focus.

19. Clear the clutter from your desk.

20. Go through your files once a year to get rid of paper you no longer need. Saves space and time. Or go through a file each time you put something in it, to keep your files current.

21. Get rid of things that don’t work, especially pens. Save yourself some frustration.

22. Start with the worst item on your to do list. Everything else will be a piece of cake. You also won’t be thinking and dreading it while doing other tasks. Procrastination sucks out your energy.

23. Be sure to bring things to do like reading, writing a letter, paying bills etc., when you know you will have to wait someplace.

24. A couple of times a year, keep a time log. Jot down everything you do for a day or two. Then examine where your time does not match what is important to you.

It’s your life. If you don’t manage your time, other people will manage it for you.

***
If you want to go deeper than just tips, into changing your relationship with time, the class starts Monday:

http://www.encouragingcoach.com/programs-timecourse.html

That’s because schedules and not enough time are not the real reasons people are stressed. Much of the stress is because of their current relationship with time.

Where are you on the spectrum?

***

If you are looking to change your relationship to time, check out the class that starts Monday:

The biggest difference I’ve noticed between the "too busy" and the "not too busy"  is that for the too busy it’s always someone or something else causing the problem.

"Too busy" is the kind of people that makes you exhausted, irritable and like you are missing meaning. Some people can be rushing around like whirlwinds, but they are feeling fulfilled in their lives and energetic. Too busy will seem much different from one person to the next.

In order to become less busy, you need to be self-directed. You can decide how many activities the kids can be in if you are the one driving. You can decide whether you want to join the PTA or not. You get to decide to be more productive during work time so you don’t have to stay late.

You can make your priorities, true priorities. You can make sure you exercise, connect with someone and have quiet time before you watch TV, go to a game or surf the internet.

Trust me, I realize sometimes things happen. People get sick, your daughter gets married, there is a big project at work. Sometimes you may be busy no matter what. But, if you are always too busy, it’s probably not circumstances. It may be you.

Lots of people use busy as a badge of worthiness. I am busy, so I must matter. When they aren’t moving, they get antsy. Some create crises just so they can save the day or complain to others about the drama. Or they stay busy because they are scared other people will get ahead of them. Or look down on them. Staying too busy can be a way of masking feelings they don’t want to deal with.

Where can you take responsibility for the busyness of your life? What are you willing to do about it?

Photo by Eierschneider

But are you doing it?

Since we don’t see it as a necessity, we can find all sorts of excuses – my family will get mad at me if I turn of their technology, I just need to make one more phone call, but a show I like is coming on…

How can you make unplugging work for you?

• Plan for this time and anticipate it. Create an email autoresponder saying you are unplugging for the day. Pick up the house the night before. Run your errands during the week.
• Plan activities that you love to do that will keep you and your family away from technology. Stroll, go to the beach, play games, visit friends, watch the sunset, dance in your living room with your family, do something creative.
• Remember the importance. Do you remember free time when you were younger? I remember growing up Sundays we would go to church, have a big dinner, read the paper, go on nature walks or other family activity. In the evening we would do our own thing, relaxing. How would it feel for you to unplug?
• Turn off the cell phone. Unplug the TV. Hide the DVD player and video games. Keep the computer off.
• Create a ritual to remind you of your unplugging – lighting a candle, changing clothes, a few minutes of deep breathing.

What do you need to do today to be able to take a day off this weekend to unplug?

I was at the dentist with my daughter for her two hour appointment. I was fine for awhile. I had my phone so I was checking email, unsubscribing to some lists, reading blogs and playing Angry Birds.

Then my phone battery quit.

So I had to get creative:

• Made menu plans
• Wrote a gratitude list
• Brainstormed ideas
• Started a to do list
• Started this blog post
• Decided to do nothing for a bit and enjoy the sound of the rain

What do you do during waiting time? Do you get anxious during waiting time? Why do you think that is?

And one last question – do we really need to be productive with everything we do?

Photo Waiting for the Birds by: Eye of Einstein

So much of the hurried pressure, we put on ourselves. We say, "I’ll never get it all done." Or, "I need to go faster to complete this faster and go on to the next thing."

Next thing you know you are walking faster. Talking faster. Hurrying your kids even when there isn’t a rush.

You feel tense all the time because you always feel you are behind.

But, let’s look at that word. You FEEL you are behind. This is not necessarily true. Maybe you are right where you are supposed to be. Maybe what really needs to get done, will get done. Maybe the pressure you are feeling is self-imposed.

And really – is hurry helpful anyway? I know when I hurry that’s when I drop things, make mistakes, and my frazzled mind quits working.

How would it feel to tell yourself today, "I have all the time I need to get what’s most important done." Or "There is no reason to hurrry. I am calm, cool and collected." You’ll feel a difference in your body right away.

She has the summer off. But like many teachers and people with summers off she ends up wanting to do all the projects put off during the school year.

So with all the projects and obligations, how do does she prioritize and focus on a daily plan?

1. Project List. The first thing I would suggest is to list all the projects and obligations, plus the deadlines on one sheet of paper. Many times we have ideas of things we want to do, but don’t categorize them as projects. So packing for a vacation becomes one overwhelming task.
2. Weekly Planning. Next happens during weekly planning. Pick the top 3 most important/urgent projects to work on during the upcoming week. Write down the next actions for these project to take on a weekly list. These need to be small like 15 min home office paperwork, list what we need for vacation, call to check on daughter.
3. Daily Planning. Besides your routine tasks, pick 3 things you need to do that day. If those get completed, you can choose 3 more off your weekly list. Don’t know which to choose? Going with the gut is usually a good choice. Breathe a few breaths, then look over the list and see which stands out to you the most. You have to breathe first to relax or it’s more difficult to read signals. And people first is always a good indicator.

When you have lots of projects going at once it can be easy to flit from task to task without finishing things. So set a timer to keep yourself on track. Try to complete each task fully before moving on to the next task. (Notice I said task, not project. Projects rarely get done in one sitting, so keep breaking them down until you have little resistance to the task.)

And most importantly, while you are working on one project, get the rest of your projects off your mind. If you are spending all your time worrying about a different project, the current project won’t get the focus it needs. If you think of an action step for another project, write it down on the weekly list so you can re-focus on your current project.

There is a more peaceful way. You can choose to be present to your life as it is now. Listening when people talk with you. Soaking in the flowers and sunshine. Chucking some things you feel you need to do for some things you want to do.

What if you were physically present to what you were doing? Feeling the keys on the keyboard. Listening to the purr of the cat.  Tasting the coolness of the pudding.

It doesn’t take more time to be more present in your life. But it does take focusing on what you are doing at the moment. Not the next moment. If you find yourself worrying about what is next, just jot down a note and get back into the present moment.

My daughter marvels at how we find things just about every time we go on a nature walk. That’s because we are in the woods, at the creek, in the sand. Our minds aren’t on things we have to do. When we are present, we are able to see things many people miss.

What are you missing in your rush to be five steps ahead?

"Life is measured by the number of things you are alive to." – Maltbie D. Babcock