Archive for Personal Growth
Instant Change – Sometimes It’s True
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So I was shucking corn. Is that even how you spell shucking? I’ve never had to write that word before 
I was getting aggravated because this certain corn cob was full of those corn fibers and it was taking forever to pull them all off. But, I noticed my aggravation. I decided I didn’t want to feel that way.
Instead I looked at the gorgeous yellow and cream colors of the corn, how otherworldly corn fibers actually look, and how I am actually enjoying this when I’m not thinking I need to rush, rush, rush. I felt happier instantly.
Try this the next time you get aggravated and see what happens.
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Photo by: genbug
Are Your Beliefs Allowing You to Live Simpler?
Posted by: | CommentsWe all have beliefs that have a habit of running our lives when we aren’t looking. And sometimes these beliefs will lead you away from what you want.
What kinds of beliefs lead you away from the simpler life?
- That person can have it, but I can’t
- I need to say yes to everything or people won’t like me
- I need this item
- I am not good at gardening/making my own food/living in the country
- I don’t make enough money to live a simpler life
- I make too much money to live a simpler life
- I need to keep up with my friends
- I don’t have enough time to live simply
- I can’t complete this until it is perfect
- More is better
- Newer is better
- If my kids aren’t in everything they won’t get into college
- In order to be a good person I must have a perfect body, perfect house, perfect marriage, perfect kids etc.
- I don’t deserve a simpler life, after all lots of people have it harder than me
- I’m not capable enough of creating the life I want
- I have bad luck
- I can only be successful if I work, work, work
- I can’t…
- It’s too hard to simplify
- I don’t have the energy to simplify
- I am just not organized
Any I am missing?
So now that you recognize some of the beliefs that keep you stuck, how do you overcome them?
- The reason you have these beliefs is something happened in the past and you decided that is how it always happens. Since then your mind has done its best to confirm this belief by interpreting events to prop up your belief. Can you think of what triggered this belief? If not, don’t worry about it, you can still let go of it.
- Think about how much this belief has cost you emotionally, physically, in relationships, spiritually, financially, and/or mentally. Now your mind has a reason to let it go.
- Create doubt in the old belief. Think of ways your belief is not true. Think of times when the opposite was true. If you think, "I can’t complete this until it is perfect," think of all the things you have completed that weren’t necessarily perfect and things turned out fine. People didn’t even notice. You moved on with your life instead of being stuck tweaking. And think about the times when you tried to make it perfect and you lost hours or the deadline was missed.
- What is the opposite belief that will help you in your life? (How you believe is interpretation, so you might as well interpret powerfully.) For the example above you could think, "I have a clear outcome on what is enough for this project."
- Get more possibilities for your new belief. Read about people with those beliefs. Read about people with lifestyles you want. When you are envious, think about how you can get more of whatever you are envious into your life. Start propping up your more empowering beliefs.
- Repeat – you usually aren’t going to let go of ingrained beliefs right away, but keep at it.
Martin Seligman Ph. D., happiness psychologist and researcher, says that one of the main differences between optimists and pessimists is that optimists believe in trying new methods until you solve the problem or reach a solution. And pessimists believe the problem has no solution.
From Seligman’s book, Learned Optimism:
Optimism – reacting to setbacks from a presumption of personal power
- Bad events are temporary setbacks
- Isolated to particular circumstances
- Can be overcome by my effort and abilities
Pessimism - reacting to setbacks from a presumption of personal helplessness
- Bad events will last a long time
- Will undermine everything I do
- Are my fault
Play with changing at least one of your beliefs today.
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Photo by: Bug Eddy
Where Will Your Decisions Lead You?
Posted by: | CommentsIf you aren’t living a simpler life yet, you may need to strengthen your decision making ability. You may be making decisions that lead you in the opposite direction: saying yes to something you don’t really want to do and doesn’t match your current values, deciding not to exercise or have your quiet time today, or deciding to book three things back to back.
Each of these seemingly little decisions keep you stuck in a life you don’t want.
The problem for many of us is we don’t always make decisions in the best state of mind. We might be angry, tired, or not conscious. We might be feeling sad or not confident. So our decisions come from a place that may not be the best for us.
So while the optimal solution is to always make decisions when you are feeling upbeat, confident and clear, we know that can’t always happen.
What we can do is look where a decision has taken us and adjust. If we notice we feel very tired after a work day with no breaks, we can experiment with adding a few breaks. And see how that feels.
We try a day with no exercise and compare it to a day with exercise. We see what time of day works best.
We say yes when we should have said no and we implement a rule that we always go home and check our calendar first.
It’s like surfing and adjusting to the waves.
And by the results we get from our decisions we can learn to make better ones. If we keep the longer term in mind instead of trying to only do what we want in the short term.
When we base our decisions only on the immediate gratification of now, that usually doesn’t make us happy in the long run.
If you want to be happier and more satisfied, think of your options before you make a decision. Think long term as well as short term. Think of other ways of doing something. Think of how someone you admire would make this decision. When you think of more than one option, decisions become clearer.
What are some decisions you make regularly? Are there other options that might bring you closer to the life you want?
Photo by the Online Photography School
Moments
Posted by: | CommentsHad a great reminder at church today to pause so we can see the moments in our life.
This morning I had a beautiful moment. After yoga at the beach, I took out my journal. But, before I wrote anything I looked out at the lake. The water was completely still. The green trees contrasted beautifully. I heard nothing but a couple of seagulls. I felt completely peaceful.
I had another moment while watching a movie with the family. I was leaning against my husband and he was caressing my hair.
I challenge you to pause sometime during today and really be in a moment. Can you feel really alive?
No Special “Get out of trouble” Pass
Posted by: | CommentsOne of the reason people’s lives seem so un-simple, is because life in un-simple. But, most people expect things to run smoothly. And for the most part it does. More things go right than wrong in a day usually.
But, when we get stuck in traffic, someone we care for gets the flu or the computer dies we act astonished and indignant. How could this happen to me? We are totally unprepared.
It can be helpful to keep the perspective that bad stuff happens to everyone. And you do not have a special "Get out of trouble" pass.
Today when you meet up with annoyances and situations:
- Stop and breathe at least 5 breaths.
- Remind yourself this is just life being life.
- Let go of the, "Why me?" energy sinking thoughts.
- Decide what is the best way to fix it.
- Think of preventative ways to keep the chances of recurring to a minimum.
Let’s say you backed the car over a toy in the driveway. You would:
Stay in the car and stop and breathe. Remind yourself about life and let go of energy sinking thoughts.
Then you would get out of the car and assess the situation. If the toy is a wreck, throw it out. If the car is damaged, call the repair shop. Do what needs to be done without the why me stories.
Decide to implement an ‘everyone picks up their stuff in the driveway before coming in the house’ rule. And when you hear the kids come in, check outside until the habit is established.
Will it ever happen again? Maybe, but at least you are making the chances lower.
Life is not out to get you – it gets everybody.
Boy I had a real bad hair day!
Riding as Meditation
Posted by: | CommentsAs a simple living educator I feel like I should be a big meditation person. But, sitting meditation has never worked for me. My mind rarely slows down the entire time.
But, I figured out how to slow my mind down. Motorcycle meditation.
The meditation is touch and go at the beginning. I feel the wind on my face and feel the bike and my husband in front of me. Then I see a sign for fresh produce ahead. "I wonder if they also have farm fresh eggs, it’s been a long time since we have them. I wonder if the boy who used to sell them at the farmer’s market is still there. I think I may have some egg cartons for him. I wonder what to wear to the party on Sunday."
Then the outside world stops my run-away thought process. Ooo horses. I am back to the scent of the lilacs, hesperia and lilies. I peek at the beautiful blue of the lake between the houses. The sky is light blue with the most interesting clouds. I’m back into the moment.
Until the Bass Park sign. I remember when we got stuck in the mud there and had to wait 45 minutes for the tow truck because it was surrounded by blood thirsty mosquitoes.
Then I see some gorgeous gardens and I am back into the moment.
Until my mind wanders off on planning a trip to the beach and adding to the grocery list.
Finally though there comes a point where I am totally in the moment, yet not thinking. I feel the wind. I smell the scents. I see the golden wheat. But I am not processing thoughts. I am meditating.
Lakeshore Drive
Photo by: Crash Test Addict
Calculating Route
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I was driving to a new place with my GPS unit. On the way back I thought I’d try a different way. After realizing I wasn’t going to make the next legal u-turn it says, "Calculating Route". It didn’t yell at me or tell me I am a bad, dumb, hopeless person. My GPS simply gave me a different route.
Wouldn’t it be freeing if we had this same self talk to ourselves when things don’t turn out "right" or we think we made a mistake?
Instead of having it mean something about us, we calculate a different route.
Can you think of an example that you have recently beat yourself up about? How about you calculate a new route? What can you do now or in the future that would have different outcomes?
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Photo by Per Ola Wiberg
Responsibility is Not a Bad Word
Posted by: | CommentsToo often we think if we are taking responsibility, we are taking the blame. But, really we are acknowledging our control and ability to respond.
Where are you not taking responsibility in your life? Where are you blaming, making excuses, criticizing or rationalizing?
I have someone in my life who is a crazy-maker. It’s always chaos with them. Instead of taking responsibility for setting good boundaries, I’ve been blaming them for being who they are. Not good. One, because it makes me feel powerless in my own life. Two, it creates strain in our relationship if I don’t make my boundaries known.
So where do you need to take responsibility in your life?
What would happen if you decided you could change that area?
A huge mind shift occurs when you go from, "It’s not fair, why does this always happen to me? I can’t do anything about this," to "What can I do to change this area?" Your mind starts looking for solutions instead of excuses.
So act as if you could change that area of your life. What one small action or attitude change would you take to improve and enjoy that area?
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Butterfly at Frederick Meijer Gardens
Is Your Reality Real?
Posted by: | CommentsI was on a call last week discussing an event. We all went to the same event. But, the feelings, experiences and recollections of the event were totally different from one another. A big reminder that what we all see is clouded by our feelings, our past, even the last time we ate.
This is important to remember when dealing with other people. What we see as truth, may in fact not be reality. Just because you feel slighted by someone, doesn’t mean they were actually trying to slight you. A rainy day doesn’t necessarily mean bad news. The driver that cut you off? Maybe they didn’t see you. Or were rushing their son to the doctor.
Did you get emotional with your boss because of the actual criticism or because that’s exactly what your Mom used to say? Kid’s arguments can set you off one day, but blow right past you another day.
You rarely get to see the big picture. Will this event turn out to be terrible or the best thing that ever happened to you? You can’t know everyone’s motives or their pasts.
Assumptions are beliefs or ideas that we hold to be true — often with little or no evidence required." – Daniel Kies
How many times have you assumed you can’t do something? Even if you’ve never tried.
And when we are miserable about something, it’s almost always because we think something, some situation or someone should be different than they actually are.
Fighting reality is a hard way to live.
Byron Katie teaches what she calls The Work to question your thoughts and assumptions. The inquiry process is right on her web site: The Work
What thought is making you angry, frustrated or sad? Try The Work on that thought.
Are We Becoming Shallow?
Posted by: | CommentsThe other day my son said there isn’t going to be any cool inventions pretty soon because no one has the time to think or experiment.
Are we becoming a people that no longer has time to think? Just do, do, do?
I worry that without time for deep thinking, we will become shallow, only thinking about the basic things.
What do you think?
