Cath Duncan, of Remembering for Good, wrote this great article on hierarchies of grief. Depending on what your loss was will determine how much sympathy you get and how long you are allowed to grieve. But, this hierachy is not good for you or for society. It just leads to judgment and shame. Is grief really where you want to one up someone on? Instead Cath suggests that we give everyone full permission to feel and grieve as they need to. And wrap everyone in that blanket of comfort.

And I was thinking that we do this in other ways as well. From going on about what a horrible day you had to how busy you are. Your day is always worse than the other person’s. You are more busy than anyone else. And if feels that way because it is happening to you. Just as grief is personal, your life is yours so you feel it more acutely.

Maybe this week, when someone complains about how much stress they are under, you nod and sympathize. Instead of going into a story right away about how much stress you are under. Listen. Give comfort. Because we are all under pressure. Life feels hard for many. We don’t need to compare lives to see whose is the hardest.

Let’s just gather together to hold each other up – no judgments.

I had someone unsubscribe to my newsletter saying that there were not enough "new" tips. I had to chuckle. Isn’t that the truth? We are all looking for the new idea that will fix unworkable lives. That’s why we are fascinated with pinterest and the new visual ideas. Or magazines with their beautiful layouts. And self help books promising they can change your life.

In my weekly tips and blog posts I like to share new things I have learned.

But new things aren’t what we need. We need to take action. We have knowledge at our finger tips through the internet, phones and books. I know, it’s not as easy to do something than it is to read about someone else doing something

I have an Implement file folder of things I thought would be good to do in my life. I look through it every week or so.

Before you search for that next new idea, how about taking action on one you already know?

At the beginning of the year it feels like people are tight. This is the year they will be disciplined, focused and reach all there goals. Above all the regular activities of the day now they want to exercise an hour a day, do home cooked meals every night and stay productive 100% of the time during work.

The breathing is shallower. The jaw is clenched. The neck and shoulders are tense. You are popping more stomach calmers. Pressure is stifling.

And the sad part is, most of the pressure is put on by yourself.

What if we started with one small goal broken down in little parts. What one small action could you take towards one small goal?

Or you can even throw the goal out the window. Live in the present. When you make the present the better, than the future becomes better as well.

Freedom

(Me letting milkweed fluff go. Taken by Brea Dargis)

My word of the year last year was freedom. It helped tremendously in my decision making.

As I was looking at my options, I was asking, "Do I feel lighter, freer, looser?" "Or do I feel tighter, constricted and trapped?"

The freer choice is usually the one that is better for you, the option that comes from the soul. It’s based more on who you are and what is important to you.

The tighter choice usually means you are choosing based on ego, how people will think of you, on other’s expectations. And sometimes we do need to go that way, say on a work project. But, you can also ask further questions – how can I make this situation feel freer to me. Often it is the mindset. Saying "I am choosing to do this work project because I made a commitment to get it done" feels freer than, "I have to get this done and I’d rather be out playing."

Sometimes the freer option feels more open, but also scarier. Fear doesn’t make the option wrong. Often it means you are going in the right direction.

You can chose the freer option more than you think. Ask yourself if you are wavering, tilting towards the tighter choice, "Why am I holding back? What am I afraid of?"

I am wishing for you a freer year.

Standing in line, waiting for the doctor, sitting in traffic do not sound like presents, but if we look closely at them we can see the gifts that waiting gives to us.

The Gift of Downtime

We complain that we have no downtime, but every time we wait in a line is an opportunity to slow down for a little while, to take a breather. No one is expecting anything from you at the moment. Often though, we are not relaxed in line. We complain, look at our watch, and think nasty thoughts about the people ahead of us in line. We have no control over how fast the line will move or traffic will go.

The great thing is-we do control our attitude. We can make waiting a time of rest or a waste of time just by what we concentrate on.

Anna C. Brackett wrote about waiting in her book The Technique of Rest in 1892. "When you are waiting for a train, don’t keep perpetually looking to see if it is coming. The time of its arrival is the business of the conductor, not yours. It will not come any sooner for all your nervous glances and your impatient pacing, and you will save strength if you will keep quiet. After we discover that the people who sit still on a long railroad journey reach that journey’s end at precisely the same time as those who "fuss" continually, we have a valuable piece of information which we should not fail to put to practical use."

In line you can daydream. Visualize your goals. Picture a vacation. Let your mind wander. Pray. Or just breathe awhile.

The Gift of Patience

In our fast-paced society we all need a little practice in patience. Everyone is in such a hurry and no one is willing to wait for anything. Fast food, ATM’s, and the microwave provide things faster than ever and we don’t even want to wait for them.

One definition of patience is: Accepting a difficult situation without giving a deadline to remove it. If we practice patience in little things like being on hold, maybe we can be more patient waiting for our dreams to fall into place.

In order to be more patient in waiting times, it helps to leave early. It’s easier to wait if you are not going to be late. Leaving 10 minutes early for everything gives you the extra time in case something comes up. And something always comes up.

"No greater thing is created suddenly, any more than a bunch of grapes or a fig. If you tell me that you desire a fig, I answer you that there must be time. Let it first blossom, then bear fruit, then ripen." –Epictetus

The Gift of the Present Moment

The grocery store line was huge right before dinner. People all around me were complaining about not having time for this and I was starting to get annoyed. My 10-year old son was with me. He started talking and we had a whole conversation where I was able to concentrate solely on him. I had nothing else to do since I was waiting in a line. I felt so connected to my son at that moment, I was almost sorry when we got to the checkout counter.

Sometimes we can be in such a hurry to get where we want to be, that we forget how wonderful here is. Next time you are waiting, take a look around. There is always something interesting to look at or discover- paintings, fascinating people, things to read, or animals.

With kids, it seems I am waiting for hours a day. Children dawdle because they are so connected to the world around them. As adults in a hurry, we often miss what they see. If we slow down we can get that childlike spark back. Waiting is the perfect time to notice life.

"Life is a succession of moments. To live each one is to succeed." –Coreta Kent

The Gift of Compassion and Humility

In waiting we are always dealing with other people. What we think of those whom we are waiting behind is rarely compassionate. We need to change our attitude. You know the one- what we have to do is more important than what anyone else has to do. Road rage is an example -driving like a maniac, cutting people off, risking other drivers because where we are going is more “important” then where someone else is going. Being perpetually in a hurry and annoyed at being kept waiting is a sign that we are doing more than we need to. That’s the time to start cutting things out of our to do list. I love people watching.

Standing in line at the bank I see a young woman with her 3-yr-old as she tries desperately to hold on to everything. I ask if I can hold something and she thankfully gives me her bag. When you look around you with compassion you are in a position to help others. Plus, you will feel great afterwards and the wait won’t seem as long.

You also meet captivating people while waiting. Talking with others keeps you both from being fed up and you never know what you will learn. I got some fantastic Christmas gift ideas yesterday at the grocery store from the lady next to me.

"Humility is attentive patience." –Simone Weil

It is in the small moments of life that we show who we are. How do you want to wait?

Take Action:

1. Decide from now on when you have to wait you will be in control of your attitude.

2. Be patient with yourself when you find yourself acting out of impatience.

3. Change your thinking the minute you start feeling impatient.

4. Be patient with those around you and look for ways to help others.

5. Drive the speed limit and sing in the car when you get stuck in traffic.

6. Leave 10 minutes early for everything.

I have am email from a reader wondering why I didn’t message my whole list with an Occupy Wall Street message. My main reason is that getting the word out is your job. I help you create a simpler life so you can Occupy Wall Street or go to Tea Party Rallies. Or so you can volunteer at Hospice or tutor young children. I help you get more time to mentor a teenager or raise money to eradicate hunger. Or to do yoga and journal so you spread light to whomever you come in contact with.

I don’t tell you what your passion in helping others is. That comes from inside of you.

But, if you are living a frazzled, always in a hurry life you may not get to find or express that purpose.

What do you want to simplify for?

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If you are stuck in finding your passion or purpose, I have open coaching spots.