The breathing is shallower. The jaw is clenched. The neck and shoulders are tense. You are popping more stomach calmers. Pressure is stifling.

And the sad part is, most of the pressure is put on by yourself.

What if we started with one small goal broken down in little parts. What one small action could you take towards one small goal?

Or you can even throw the goal out the window. Live in the present. When you make the present the better, than the future becomes better as well.

Freedom

(Me letting milkweed fluff go. Taken by Brea Dargis)

My word of the year last year was freedom. It helped tremendously in my decision making.

As I was looking at my options, I was asking, "Do I feel lighter, freer, looser?" "Or do I feel tighter, constricted and trapped?"

The freer choice is usually the one that is better for you, the option that comes from the soul. It’s based more on who you are and what is important to you.

The tighter choice usually means you are choosing based on ego, how people will think of you, on other’s expectations. And sometimes we do need to go that way, say on a work project. But, you can also ask further questions – how can I make this situation feel freer to me. Often it is the mindset. Saying "I am choosing to do this work project because I made a commitment to get it done" feels freer than, "I have to get this done and I’d rather be out playing."

Sometimes the freer option feels more open, but also scarier. Fear doesn’t make the option wrong. Often it means you are going in the right direction.

You can chose the freer option more than you think. Ask yourself if you are wavering, tilting towards the tighter choice, "Why am I holding back? What am I afraid of?"

I am wishing for you a freer year.

The Gift of Downtime

We complain that we have no downtime, but every time we wait in a line is an opportunity to slow down for a little while, to take a breather. No one is expecting anything from you at the moment. Often though, we are not relaxed in line. We complain, look at our watch, and think nasty thoughts about the people ahead of us in line. We have no control over how fast the line will move or traffic will go.

The great thing is-we do control our attitude. We can make waiting a time of rest or a waste of time just by what we concentrate on.

Anna C. Brackett wrote about waiting in her book The Technique of Rest in 1892. "When you are waiting for a train, don’t keep perpetually looking to see if it is coming. The time of its arrival is the business of the conductor, not yours. It will not come any sooner for all your nervous glances and your impatient pacing, and you will save strength if you will keep quiet. After we discover that the people who sit still on a long railroad journey reach that journey’s end at precisely the same time as those who "fuss" continually, we have a valuable piece of information which we should not fail to put to practical use."

In line you can daydream. Visualize your goals. Picture a vacation. Let your mind wander. Pray. Or just breathe awhile.

The Gift of Patience

In our fast-paced society we all need a little practice in patience. Everyone is in such a hurry and no one is willing to wait for anything. Fast food, ATM’s, and the microwave provide things faster than ever and we don’t even want to wait for them.

One definition of patience is: Accepting a difficult situation without giving a deadline to remove it. If we practice patience in little things like being on hold, maybe we can be more patient waiting for our dreams to fall into place.

In order to be more patient in waiting times, it helps to leave early. It’s easier to wait if you are not going to be late. Leaving 10 minutes early for everything gives you the extra time in case something comes up. And something always comes up.

"No greater thing is created suddenly, any more than a bunch of grapes or a fig. If you tell me that you desire a fig, I answer you that there must be time. Let it first blossom, then bear fruit, then ripen." –Epictetus

The Gift of the Present Moment

The grocery store line was huge right before dinner. People all around me were complaining about not having time for this and I was starting to get annoyed. My 10-year old son was with me. He started talking and we had a whole conversation where I was able to concentrate solely on him. I had nothing else to do since I was waiting in a line. I felt so connected to my son at that moment, I was almost sorry when we got to the checkout counter.

Sometimes we can be in such a hurry to get where we want to be, that we forget how wonderful here is. Next time you are waiting, take a look around. There is always something interesting to look at or discover- paintings, fascinating people, things to read, or animals.

With kids, it seems I am waiting for hours a day. Children dawdle because they are so connected to the world around them. As adults in a hurry, we often miss what they see. If we slow down we can get that childlike spark back. Waiting is the perfect time to notice life.

"Life is a succession of moments. To live each one is to succeed." –Coreta Kent

The Gift of Compassion and Humility

In waiting we are always dealing with other people. What we think of those whom we are waiting behind is rarely compassionate. We need to change our attitude. You know the one- what we have to do is more important than what anyone else has to do. Road rage is an example -driving like a maniac, cutting people off, risking other drivers because where we are going is more “important” then where someone else is going. Being perpetually in a hurry and annoyed at being kept waiting is a sign that we are doing more than we need to. That’s the time to start cutting things out of our to do list. I love people watching.

Standing in line at the bank I see a young woman with her 3-yr-old as she tries desperately to hold on to everything. I ask if I can hold something and she thankfully gives me her bag. When you look around you with compassion you are in a position to help others. Plus, you will feel great afterwards and the wait won’t seem as long.

You also meet captivating people while waiting. Talking with others keeps you both from being fed up and you never know what you will learn. I got some fantastic Christmas gift ideas yesterday at the grocery store from the lady next to me.

"Humility is attentive patience." –Simone Weil

It is in the small moments of life that we show who we are. How do you want to wait?

Take Action:

1. Decide from now on when you have to wait you will be in control of your attitude.

2. Be patient with yourself when you find yourself acting out of impatience.

3. Change your thinking the minute you start feeling impatient.

4. Be patient with those around you and look for ways to help others.

5. Drive the speed limit and sing in the car when you get stuck in traffic.

6. Leave 10 minutes early for everything.

I don’t tell you what your passion in helping others is. That comes from inside of you.

But, if you are living a frazzled, always in a hurry life you may not get to find or express that purpose.

What do you want to simplify for?

***

If you are stuck in finding your passion or purpose, I have open coaching spots.

As you look at next week, where do you see spots that may be difficult for you? How can you make them easier?

If your week looks like smooth sailing, then concentrate on self-care. You are going to need your strength sometime in the future, so spend this week exercising, eating well, writing in your journal, taking breaks and connecting with the ones you love.

Do what you can to support yourself in the future.

***

Photo by Rosmary

With the loss of my son, I journaled out my feelings every day. I feel angry that… I feel sad that… I feel guilty about… I feel fearful about… Grief can also put you in a mind frame where you go mull over certain things over and over and over. I find once I emptied it onto the paper, my mind let go of it. A very freeing feeling. I have been journaling since I was 13 and believe it kept my sanity more than once.

Other benefits of journaling:

• Self-awareness
• A life history
• A place for dreams and goal-setting
• A place to list your gratitudes
• Improve your focus
• Shows you patterns in your life
• Identifies your values and what is important to you
• Shows you where you need to improve your boundaries
• Can be fun and a stress reliever
• Helps you make decisions
• Clarifies problem-solving
• Helps you go through problems until you reach other solutions
• Awakens your creativity

Here is a great article on beginning your journaling. It tells you how to choose your journal, where to write and how to get started. If you want to kick start your writing here are a year’s worth of journaling prompts

What is on your mind?

***

Photo by Shorts and Longs

I also think that sometimes a persona is helpful.

The dictionary defines a persona:

I was talking with some friends about the upcoming trial and someone suggested I be Jackie O while I am there. This made me feel calmer about the trial.

Sometimes I’ll think of myself as my bubbly sister when I feel extra shy.

Often we have a one dimensional view of ourselves. "I’m not really a nature gal." "I don’t do roller coasters." "I’m just not the active type."

Let’s say you have this great work opportunity that will help your career and help people. All you have to do is give a speech. If you are stuck in the thought, "I always get stage fright and I am bad at public speaking," you may miss on this opportunity. But, picture yourself as Tony Robbins giving a speech. Pretending can give you that confidence.

Or maybe you have a bunch of research. You think you are really bad at research and don’t like it at all. Think what would your favorite writer do? Or perhaps Sherlock Holmes?

I like to bring up my happy homemaker persona to clean with, because I tend to not like to clean. When I see cleaning from her point of view – to show love to the household – I can clean more joyfully.

Can you think of someplace you are stuck? What persona could help you move forward?

Part of the reason people don’t get the simpler lives they want, is that they feel trapped in their current life. Stifled by obligations, responsibilities and other people’s expectations. It seems that the way life is right now, is the way it always is.

Too often it only feels like you are trapped. Options seem clouded. But, you have more control then you think.

Let’s take a job you don’t like in a bad economy. You could still be putting out feelers for a dream job, or working a side job that is your passion, or changing the hours so they feel better to you, talking to your boss about using your gifts in a different area, or remembering 5 things that are good about your job before you leave work every day. Move your desk. Get outside at lunch. Instead of blaming your job or the economy or the mortgage, you can look at what you can control or ask for. People do this all the time.

Or feeling trapped in a marriage. You can change the way you communicate. Often we have bad habits of communication which leave us stuck in a stale pattern. Or bringing some fun into the marriage. Or deciding to go out with friends. Or asking deeper questions to connect more. Or spending time appreciating your spouse. People transform their marriages and you can too.

Where do you feel trapped? How would you like it to be instead? What is one step that can move you closer?

As you make decisions ask yourself if this decision makes you feel like you are going towards freedom or towards trapped. If someone asks you to volunteer for something do you feel excited at the opportunity or do you feel resentful? When a certain friend asks you to do something with her do you smile? Or do you try to figure out how to get out of it?

And reframe your current beliefs about how it will always be this way. Perhaps, "All things change and transition. And I can steer things in the way I want them to go."

Or instead of saying you feel trapped, you can try, "There are options I am not seeing. Maybe I can do some research or talk with a friend."

Often the way to get out of feeling trapped is to take a risk.

How can you get unstuck?

Lines at the grocery stores are opportunities to spread some cheer.

When my cat vomited on the bed at 5:30 in the morning, I looked forward to sleeping on clean sheets that night since it’s allergy season. I’ll admit, that one took awhile to reframe.

I don’t want to spend my life annoyed at trivia like my daughter sleeping through her alarm or a rude driver.

For trivia, the choices I like are to fix it if possible (put it elsewhere, oil it, repair it, set new boundaries) or reframe it so I remember the good or at least remember it’s not worth the aggravation.

Check to see how frustrated you get with trivia this week.

P.S. I love these ideas on bringing kindness into our communities

I think when we feel so close to the problem, we don’t see as clearly. We may feel confused or fuzzy.

But, thinking about it as another person allows you to de-personalize the problem.

You can use this technique in your own life.

Think of a problem in your life where you are looking for a solution. Now step back. 

If your friend or sister was going through the same thing, what would you say to them?

Write down all your ideas.

Do you feel clearer? Is there anything you can try that didn’t occur to you before?

***

Photo by Gwenny

On my way to walk the beach this morning, I marveled at all the people out. Joggers and walkers. The 70 year-old man rollerblading. The elderly couple riding their bikes to the beach. A man walking his dog, holding coffee. They looked so fit and happy. I could tell this was a regular part of their day.

Many people would be envious. "They must have more time than me." "If I lived near a beach I would be out all of the time, too." 

It reminded me of the chat last night I had with the money group. Someone said that it was a matter of making the time to set up their program so they know how much money they have. I posed the question,

"Is it worth it to you?"

Each person gets to make this choice, but only if they are conscious that I choice is being made.

Is it worth it to you to spend 10 min a night with the family picking up the house, so the kids can invite their friends over without you being embarrassed?

Is it worth it to you to set up mint.com so you can track your money and maybe make better money decisions?

Is it worth it to you to watch one less TV show so you can get up earlier to exercise and feel more energetic?

Is it worth it to you to drum up the energy to declutter and make decisions on what to give away?

The people that get fit or organized make different choices. They decide, "Yes, it’s worth it."

Now you get to choose.

***

Photo by Ewen