By sharing my sorrows I’ve been privileged to hear other’s struggles. Life can be so hard. We all need strength to face what’s ahead.

I was on a retreat in Nov. ’09 when I had an insight that I needed to strengthen. I didn’t know why, but I felt there was going to be something difficult in the near future. The word strength kept popping up over 2010 and I did my best to strengthen myself.

So how can you strengthen yourself for difficult times?

1. Have a daily spiritual practice. Connect with God in some way – prayer, nature, song, Scripture reading.
2. Gather a support system. Rekindle relationships you thought you didn’t have time for. Make weekly calls to family members. Deepen your friendships. See how you can help others.
3. Learn at least one technique to support your emotions – journaling, Tapping, The Work, the Sedona Method, Emotional Brain Training. And I am sure there are others. Most of us weren’t taught how to deal with emotions.
4. Better yourself physically. Most importantly – get enough sleep. Exercise regularly. Get massages or use massage tools. Eat more fresh food. When your physical body is healthy, it’s easier to deal emotionally.
5. Question your beliefs about yourself. If you constantly wallow in thoughts about how you can’t handle things, when really tough times come you will assume you can’t handle them. Start recalling times when you did handle things.
6. Focus on gratitude. Because I have been ending my journaling with gratitude for the past year, it was habitual even going through a very hard time. I was able to be thankful for the calls, the sunset, the flowers, the lovely letter. Remembering the good, lifts you up during the bad.

None of us make it through life problem-free. The stronger you are, the more resilient you can be.

My husband asked why we had so many dirty cups. In one day we went through just about every cup we own.

I blamed the cat. It seems on certain days every time I turn around the cat is lapping up water from my cup. I don’t share water with my cat, so I had to get a new cup each time.

Exasperated my husband asked why I don’t use a glass with a lid.  "I don’t like the taste of water after it’s been in the metal tumbler or the plastic cups with lids."

Thankfully he remembered a place that had ceramic ones. We found one at Barnes and Noble and I now have a lovely ceramic cup with a lid.

And the cat no longer drinks my water.

Can you think of one irritation, problem, or annoyance? Can you think of a few ways that might solve it?

I really didn’t want to go to the improv yesterday. We had gotten tickets before Jon’s death because we knew he would love it and might even do some audience participation. I had cried all through church and after church and the last thing I wanted to do was go someplace where everyone was laughing. But, my daughter had been anticipating fun at the improv.

So I went with my daughter and mother-in-law and 2 of her friends. And I laughed. A lot.

I am finding you can feel two things at once. I have a layer of sadness over everything right now, but I can still feel joy. The two are not mutually exclusive.

I first noticed this as I saw a vibrant purple sunset on my way to the funeral home.

I have felt healing and joy in my nature walks with my daughter. And when Jeff, Brea and I hiked up to an observation deck to see the Perigree Moon rise in the east, bright orange and huge.

I feel joy in memories and pictures. And in the care of others.

It’s the times of joy that get you through the times of darkness. And I don’t intend to hide from either.

I love to read the Laura Ingalls Wilder book, "The Long Winter". I just finished the copy that used to be my mother’s, as another Midwest winter storm is burying our cars in snow again.

When I read that book, I want to be a better person. Some lessons I am reminded of:

• Don’t complain. Be grateful for what you have, even if it is just bread and potatoes. Ma was always sharing the bright side.
• Innovate. If you run out of coal and kerosene, twist hay into sticks. If you only have green pumpkins from an early frost, create a pie that ends up tasting like apple. If you don’t have anything to ground your wheat, try a coffee mill. There are plenty of ways to solve problems without running out to buy our solutions.
• Let the kids help with the chores. Mary, Laura and Carrie felt good when they were able to help in the household. Laura helped Pa prepare the hay, so they actually had enough to last the winter. Every day they had chores.
• Music and reading are great entertainment. So is reciting memorized poetry.
• Children need to be taught self-reliance and manners. Children aren’t coddled, but taught what they will need to know when they leave the home.
• Education is a gift. They understood how important learning was and prioritized it.
• Hardiness, strength and perseverance. They had the character to do the hard things even when they didn’t want to.
• The importance of nature. When it was nice out they were outside. Pa knew the hard winter was coming because of how thick the muskrat houses were. They were much more connected with nature.

Which listen will help this week?

Are you using too much work as an excuse? Many times people say they have too much work to do, so they can’t do what they want. But, often times they are just scared.

"What if I use time to create art and no one likes it?" It’s much easier to clean the whole kitchen.

"What if I volunteer with a cause near to my heart, and nothing seems to change?" It’s much easier to work late.

"What if I start a side business and it fails?"  Much easier to chauffeur kids around to a zillion activities.

Or maybe you are afraid you have no purpose and wouldn’t know what to do with your free time.

It’s scary to simplify, because then you will have time to do that fulfilling work. And that type of work involves risk. 

For most of use, a fulfilling life is what we want. So ask yourself, what are you really afraid of if you simplify?

***

Painting by Julie Jordan Scott

Oh boy I was grumpy. Things were just going wrong all day it seemed. I was crabby with the family. And my husband was crabby because he had a bad day. Then I realized I needed to take the book back to the library in the next town and it was due today. So after dinner, I grabbed the book and huffed into the car.

Part of the way there, I realized that I didn’t have to be grumpy. It could be a bad day and I still could choose to be happy. So I asked myself what would cheer me up right now and I turned on the music. After a couple songs, I started thinking about how I could be grateful.

I work from home and didn’t have to drive into the construction on my road till after the construction people left. I had a back up of my computer. I have a laptop AND a desktop computer. I have work. I am reading an engrossing book. I got to eat dinner earlier than expected when someone didn’t call that was supposed to. I got to help people in my coaching sessions. My family is healthy. 

By the time I got back home my mood had brightened and I helped boost my husband’s mood too.

I want to keep remembering, I don’t have to be grumpy.

For most of us, we don’t learn something once and boom it is stuck in our head forever. We need to re-learn and spiral over & over. The more you review an idea, the more it becomes part of your life.

I review in several different ways.

1. If I am reading a non-fiction book, I read a section for today. (And I am usually highlighting and writing in it if it seems a book I will keep.) Then I go back using today’s date. So if it is the 12th of the month, I go back to page 12 and re-read the headings and highlights. Then I add 30 days and review page 42 and so on until I get back to the page I am on. This helps the ideas stay as I read a book, especially if it is taking awhile to read it.
2. On my Kindle, there is a section for clippings. You can highlight and take notes in Kindle books as well. So once a week I look over my Clippings ebook which contains highlights of the various books I have read or am reading. I don’t read through the whole thing, only a few pages.
3. I write in a notebook notes from library books, seminars, church sermons, insights, web posts or magazine articles. I review these pages about once a month.
4. If I find an idea that looks like something I want to take action on, but I don’t have time at the moment, I put the idea in a file folder called Implement. Once a week during my weekly planning I sift through to see if there is something I want to try out this week.

Reviewing gives depth to your learning. What are your favorite ways to review?

***

Photo by Pink Sherbet Photography

She is the most amazing writer and teacher. And she thinks she has nothing to say.

She is the most loving, spiritual person. And she thinks she is a bad mother.

She is smart and driven. And she thinks she is a failure who never finishes anything.

He is creative and funny. And thinks he is not good enough to lose the weight.

Real people, real thoughts they’ve shared with me. Many are probably your thoughts.

I’ve been re-doing my New Habits Course. Thinking I was going to have to re-write a bunch of drivel, I was astounded to see how well-written it was. It certainly didn’t seem that way when I first wrote it.

We have such an inaccurate view of our accomplishments (that project is a mess, I missed the deadline, it’s ugly, it’s not perfect so I have failed) and our capabilities (there’s no way I can get clients, I am nowhere near as good as that person, I am too disorganized to get things done, I just have bad genes).

But, these thoughts are not the truth. We are more capable then we think. What we create is better than we think.

To find a more accurate view, try asking good, positive friends what they think. Often they have a clearer view.

I like to keep a couple smily folders. One is an email folder in Gmail with people expressing gratitude for what I have done or said and other warm fuzzies. And I have a physical folders with letters and thank you notes. When I spiral down with my angry, inner critic I can pull these out as a reminder. The trick is to catch it before the free fall.

I also write down 10 accomplishments of the week before during my weekly planning. Boy this is tough sometimes but I make sure I don’t weasel out of it. And I can’t add any buts. "I accomplished editing 5 course days, but I meant to do 10." Writing accomplishments without the but, helps me feel more capable.

Somehow we believe if we only think about our negative qualities we become these humble, lovely people. But, really we become obnoxious martyrs always waiting for someone else to acknowledge us and envious of everyone else. People with confidence in their abilities can do more good in the world because they are the ones who take action.

To help silence the inner critic, we need to remember it is not us. It is only a part of us and it’s trying to be helpful to save us from ourselves. Thank your inner critic for its suggestions then counter with a better way to think.

Inner Critic: You are going to fail, then feel bad if you take this project on. It will be hard. And you will be judged. Not good.

You: Thanks for thinking about me and trying to protect me. But, I believe this project is important to the world so I am going to work on ways to complete it. I will learn from mistakes and get support from other people. I’ve got it handled, so you can rest now.

You can also use the Work to question your inner critic thoughts. By asking, "Is it true?" we can begin to see more clearly.

Keep remembering, the inner critic thoughts are very inaccurate. Don’t buy them as truth. You are capable.