Are you using too much work as an excuse? Many times people say they have too much work to do, so they can’t do what they want. But, often times they are just scared.

"What if I use time to create art and no one likes it?" It’s much easier to clean the whole kitchen.

"What if I volunteer with a cause near to my heart, and nothing seems to change?" It’s much easier to work late.

"What if I start a side business and it fails?"  Much easier to chauffeur kids around to a zillion activities.

Or maybe you are afraid you have no purpose and wouldn’t know what to do with your free time.

It’s scary to simplify, because then you will have time to do that fulfilling work. And that type of work involves risk. 

For most of use, a fulfilling life is what we want. So ask yourself, what are you really afraid of if you simplify?

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Painting by Julie Jordan Scott

Oh boy I was grumpy. Things were just going wrong all day it seemed. I was crabby with the family. And my husband was crabby because he had a bad day. Then I realized I needed to take the book back to the library in the next town and it was due today. So after dinner, I grabbed the book and huffed into the car.

Part of the way there, I realized that I didn’t have to be grumpy. It could be a bad day and I still could choose to be happy. So I asked myself what would cheer me up right now and I turned on the music. After a couple songs, I started thinking about how I could be grateful.

I work from home and didn’t have to drive into the construction on my road till after the construction people left. I had a back up of my computer. I have a laptop AND a desktop computer. I have work. I am reading an engrossing book. I got to eat dinner earlier than expected when someone didn’t call that was supposed to. I got to help people in my coaching sessions. My family is healthy. 

By the time I got back home my mood had brightened and I helped boost my husband’s mood too.

I want to keep remembering, I don’t have to be grumpy.

For most of us, we don’t learn something once and boom it is stuck in our head forever. We need to re-learn and spiral over & over. The more you review an idea, the more it becomes part of your life.

I review in several different ways.

1. If I am reading a non-fiction book, I read a section for today. (And I am usually highlighting and writing in it if it seems a book I will keep.) Then I go back using today’s date. So if it is the 12th of the month, I go back to page 12 and re-read the headings and highlights. Then I add 30 days and review page 42 and so on until I get back to the page I am on. This helps the ideas stay as I read a book, especially if it is taking awhile to read it.
2. On my Kindle, there is a section for clippings. You can highlight and take notes in Kindle books as well. So once a week I look over my Clippings ebook which contains highlights of the various books I have read or am reading. I don’t read through the whole thing, only a few pages.
3. I write in a notebook notes from library books, seminars, church sermons, insights, web posts or magazine articles. I review these pages about once a month.
4. If I find an idea that looks like something I want to take action on, but I don’t have time at the moment, I put the idea in a file folder called Implement. Once a week during my weekly planning I sift through to see if there is something I want to try out this week.

Reviewing gives depth to your learning. What are your favorite ways to review?

***

Photo by Pink Sherbet Photography

She is the most amazing writer and teacher. And she thinks she has nothing to say.

She is the most loving, spiritual person. And she thinks she is a bad mother.

She is smart and driven. And she thinks she is a failure who never finishes anything.

He is creative and funny. And thinks he is not good enough to lose the weight.

Real people, real thoughts they’ve shared with me. Many are probably your thoughts.

I’ve been re-doing my New Habits Course. Thinking I was going to have to re-write a bunch of drivel, I was astounded to see how well-written it was. It certainly didn’t seem that way when I first wrote it.

We have such an inaccurate view of our accomplishments (that project is a mess, I missed the deadline, it’s ugly, it’s not perfect so I have failed) and our capabilities (there’s no way I can get clients, I am nowhere near as good as that person, I am too disorganized to get things done, I just have bad genes).

But, these thoughts are not the truth. We are more capable then we think. What we create is better than we think.

To find a more accurate view, try asking good, positive friends what they think. Often they have a clearer view.

I like to keep a couple smily folders. One is an email folder in Gmail with people expressing gratitude for what I have done or said and other warm fuzzies. And I have a physical folders with letters and thank you notes. When I spiral down with my angry, inner critic I can pull these out as a reminder. The trick is to catch it before the free fall.

I also write down 10 accomplishments of the week before during my weekly planning. Boy this is tough sometimes but I make sure I don’t weasel out of it. And I can’t add any buts. "I accomplished editing 5 course days, but I meant to do 10." Writing accomplishments without the but, helps me feel more capable.

Somehow we believe if we only think about our negative qualities we become these humble, lovely people. But, really we become obnoxious martyrs always waiting for someone else to acknowledge us and envious of everyone else. People with confidence in their abilities can do more good in the world because they are the ones who take action.

To help silence the inner critic, we need to remember it is not us. It is only a part of us and it’s trying to be helpful to save us from ourselves. Thank your inner critic for its suggestions then counter with a better way to think.

Inner Critic: You are going to fail, then feel bad if you take this project on. It will be hard. And you will be judged. Not good.

You: Thanks for thinking about me and trying to protect me. But, I believe this project is important to the world so I am going to work on ways to complete it. I will learn from mistakes and get support from other people. I’ve got it handled, so you can rest now.

You can also use the Work to question your inner critic thoughts. By asking, "Is it true?" we can begin to see more clearly.

Keep remembering, the inner critic thoughts are very inaccurate. Don’t buy them as truth. You are capable.

We all have beliefs that have a habit of running our lives when we aren’t looking. And sometimes these beliefs will lead you away from what you want.

What kinds of beliefs lead you away from the simpler life?

• That person can have it, but I can’t
• I need to say yes to everything or people won’t like me
• I need this item
• I am not good at gardening/making my own food/living in the country
• I don’t make enough money to live a simpler life
• I make too much money to live a simpler life
• I need to keep up with my friends
• I don’t have enough time to live simply
• I can’t complete this until it is perfect
• More is better
• Newer is better
• If my kids aren’t in everything they won’t get into college
• In order to be a good person I must have a perfect body, perfect house, perfect marriage, perfect kids etc.
• I don’t deserve a simpler life, after all lots of people have it harder than me
• I’m not capable enough of creating the life I want
• I have bad luck
• I can only be successful if I work, work, work
• I can’t…
• It’s too hard to simplify
• I don’t have the energy to simplify
• I am just not organized

Any I am missing?

So now that you recognize some of the beliefs that keep you stuck, how do you overcome them?

1. The reason you have these beliefs is something happened in the past and you decided that is how it always happens. Since then your mind has done its best to confirm this belief by interpreting events to prop up your belief. Can you think of what triggered this belief? If not, don’t worry about it, you can still let go of it.
2. Think about how much this belief has cost you emotionally, physically, in relationships, spiritually, financially, and/or mentally. Now your mind has a reason to let it go.
3. Create doubt in the old belief. Think of ways your belief is not true. Think of times when the opposite was true. If you think, "I can’t complete this until it is perfect," think of all the things you have completed that weren’t necessarily perfect and things turned out fine. People didn’t even notice. You moved on with your life instead of being stuck tweaking. And think about the times when you tried to make it perfect and you lost hours or the deadline was missed.
4. What is the opposite belief that will help you in your life?  (How you believe is interpretation, so you might as well interpret powerfully.) For the example above you could think, "I have a clear outcome on what is enough for this project."
5. Get more possibilities for your new belief. Read about people with those beliefs. Read about people with lifestyles you want. When you are envious, think about how you can get more of whatever you are envious into your life. Start propping up your more empowering beliefs.
6. Repeat – you usually aren’t going to let go of ingrained beliefs right away, but keep at it.

Martin Seligman Ph. D., happiness psychologist and researcher, says that one of the main differences between optimists and pessimists is that optimists believe in trying new methods until you solve the problem or reach a solution. And pessimists believe the problem has no solution.

From Seligman’s book, Learned Optimism:

Optimism – reacting to setbacks from a presumption of personal power

• Bad events are temporary setbacks
• Isolated to particular circumstances
• Can be overcome by my effort and abilities

Pessimism -  reacting to setbacks from a presumption of personal helplessness

• Bad events will last a long time
• Will undermine everything I do
• Are my fault

Play with changing at least one of your beliefs today.

***

Photo by: Bug Eddy

One of the reason people’s lives seem so un-simple, is because life in un-simple. But, most people expect things to run smoothly. And for the most part it does. More things go right than wrong in a day usually.

But, when we get stuck in traffic, someone we care for gets the flu or the computer dies we act astonished and indignant. How could this happen to me? We are totally unprepared.

It can be helpful to keep the perspective that bad stuff happens to everyone. And you do not have a special "Get out of trouble" pass.

Today when you meet up with annoyances and situations:

1. Stop and breathe at least 5 breaths.
2. Remind yourself this is just life being life.
3. Let go of the, "Why me?" energy sinking thoughts.
4. Decide what is the best way to fix it.
5. Think of preventative ways to keep the chances of recurring to a minimum.

Let’s say you backed the car over a toy in the driveway. You would:

Stay in the car and stop and breathe. Remind yourself about life and let go of energy sinking thoughts.

Then you would get out of the car and assess the situation. If the toy is a wreck, throw it out. If the car is damaged, call the repair shop. Do what needs to be done without the why me stories.

Decide to implement an ‘everyone picks up their stuff in the driveway before coming in the house’ rule. And when you hear the kids come in, check outside until the habit is established.

Will it ever happen again? Maybe, but at least you are making the chances lower.

Life is not out to get you – it gets everybody.

Boy I had a real bad hair day!