Our tulips this year

Our real life really is good enough for happiness. We could be happy playing with our kids, cutting up fruit for a fruit salad or sitting on the porch reading a book. But our real life is interrupted by our future life. We aren’t immersed in cooking dinner – we are hurrying so we can get to chores, soccer practice and homework. We don’t see the cardinal because we are only trying to get from point A to point B as quickly as possible. Yet so often our moments of happiness occur between those two points.

We add so much to our lives because we don’t think our lives are good enough. We sign our kids up for every class under the sun because we think they won’t be good enough to compete in life. If we took moments to teach character, critical thinking and a work ethic I think they would be far more ahead than participating in a bunch of extracurricular activities they will never use again.

We buy stuff we don’t need to impress our friends – or even people we don’t like. But, we could be happy playing at a park.

We get on boards and go to meetings to "get ahead." When we could be happy at work if we thought about the people we were helping and doing really well on our current project.

I’ve had a lovely real life day. I enjoyed my shower with my mandarin orange shower gel I just opened. I worked with intention and lightness. For a break I browsed a book store looking at every single book in one of the sections. I stopped by the butcher that I had never been to, to see what they had. I did some more work and connected with a couple friends. The windows were open to let the cool breeze in when I picked my daughter up from school. We talked before she took off. I read outside in the sunshine. A cardinal perched near where I sat and I put my book down to watch. My husband and I talked as he worked on the truck. I ate juicy sweet strawberries from our strawberry plant. I did a little more work before cutting up zucchini for dinner. I did dishes with the windows open, watching the squirrels and birds by our feeders in the backyard. And now I write.

I allowed myself to enjoy what could be just a regular day.

What would a real life day be for you?

It’s been an extra busy couple of weeks. So what kept me sane?

• Having at least 15 min of quiet time every morning
• Missing a couple evening meetings
• Taking walks in the afternoon or evening with my family
• Looking at the to do list the night before and writing on a small piece of paper the top 5. I leave it right in front of my computer for the next day.
• Taking time out with a friend
• Saying no to a request
• Having the family help out making dinner
• Writing gratitudes daily in my journal before bed
• Setting intentions before working on each of my projects ie (I intend to be focused. or joyful. or loving. or detailed.)
• Renegotiating a deadline
• Taking breaks for a minute or two

What do you do when things are extra busy?

You think you want to live simple. But, for some reason it never happens for you. Here are 7 reasons you may not be living a simpler life:

1. You don’t really want to. You thrive on adrenaline and things moving all the time. Not everyone really wants a simpler life, and that is just fine.
2. You never plan for the important things in your life. The things that get done are the things that scream the loudest: deadlines, broken things, emergencies.
3. Any time you get still and quiet, you freak. When there is space or quiet, you turn on the radio or start thinking about to dos. An empty shelf gets filled immediately. The TV goes on as you enter the house.
4. You don’t like to limit. You let your kids join a zillion things that you have to transport and do things for. You don’t give yourself a bed time. You think you can do it all – and do it perfectly. More is always better to you.
5. You want to be liked. If you say no you think they won’t like you anymore. If you start taking care of yourself other people might think you are selfish. You don’t want conflict so you never choose what you want to do or not do.
6. You don’t make conscious choices. You are just so tired, you fall onto old habits that may not be moving you towards the life you want. You don’t see the choices that would allow you to live more simply.
7. You are blaming everyone else. Your family won’t let you have a simpler life. Your boss is a mess. The economy is in the tank. If all you do is blame, you won’t be looking for solutions. Most things can get better if you think creatively.

Any of these you want to tackle this week?

Duane Elgin, author of Voluntary Simplicity describes Simple Living as:

This is a wonderful description. Less running around, clutter and busy work leads to more time in spiritual time, relationships, discovering your dreams or in nature. A fulfilling life rather than a life that continually drains you.

Lake Michigan

Yesterday I decided I wanted to go to the beach for a bit. We live about 15 minutes away from Lake Michigan, so I took my daughter and a towel. My daughter took a chair and a book. 

I swam while she read for about an hour and then we were on our way home.

No making a big production out of it. That felt so freeing.

I remember times when we brought so much stuff that by the time we brought it all back to the car we were exhausted. Sometimes it was just getting it out of the car and to the beach. Tired before we even started.

Yesterday my daughter and I went to a meeting. She wanted to bring her purse, so I took my keys and notepad out of my purse and into hers. No sense bringing two purses. She always says how light my purse is. I’ve learned to put more things in my glove compartment, so I have items for emergency but I don’t have to carry them with me all the time. Like wipes, scissors, and the first aid kit.

The more stuff you bring places, the more that weighs you down. You don’t want to swim because what if someone steals the kid’s wakeboards or sand castle maker. Or you leave it behind. (I bring my purse into as few places as possible, because too often it gets left. It’s a family gene.) I hate going to places where you are trying to juggle food, a purse, papers, a drink and other things.

This week, when you go out ask yourself how little you can get away with taking. And see how it feels for you.

Living simply allows you to live more deeply.

You can take time to be spiritual. To pray. To be still.

You can have deeper, less superficial conversations with people.

You can explore a topic or a place as far as curiosity takes you.

You can think longer and understand more.

You can float with the music, delve into the book, and taste your nourishment.

Do you want a superficial life of must do’s or do you want to live deeply?

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Photo by: Reinante El Pintor de Fuego

I had a recent criticism that I did too much writing about inner work and relationships and not enough about how to.

The reason is that I believe in order to have a simplified lifestyle that you actually like, you need to do some inner work.

For instance, if you are feeling something you don’t want to feel, some people will eat, others may overexercise, and others may stay so busy that they can’t feel those feelings they don’t like.

I can give all the tips and how to’s in the world and that person will stay busy. Because it’s scary to simplify for them. If someone is stuffing their anxiety or sadness or anger into a too busy calendar and clutter, much of the time they don’t want to take care of it. Or they sabotage themselves when they make progress.

To test if this is happening to you, just start being more aware. "Oh, it seems when I get flak from my boss, I run to do busy work. Interesting." "Hmm, I added another activity to the calendar when I started getting anxious." "I start to get scared when I have a few free hours on the weekend. I wonder what would happen if I let that time stay free?"

Being aware, curious, and honest with yourself is an important starting point to simplifying your life.

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Photo by: Irargerich