I’m reading Find Your Strongest Life by Marcus Buckingham and I was surprised by the statistic below.

"A recent study of a thousand 3rd-12th graders asked: "If you were granted one wish that would change the way that your mother’s work affects your life, what would that wish be?" In a parallel study, their mothers were asked to guess what their children would wish for. Here’s what they found: "Most mothers (56%) guessed that their children would wish for more time with them. In fact, only 10% of children made that wish. Their most frequent wish: ‘I want my mom to be less stressed and tired’ (34%)."

Moms think they are hiding the overwhelm, low energy, and stress but the kids see it. The kids want to see mom happier.

I think this is the permission slip that we can let go of some perfectionism. The perfect house, the perfect dinner, the perfect body don’t matter as much as being joyful and relaxed.

What do you think? What are your major stressers? What makes you tired? And what can we do about it?

I spent the weekend in Loveland, Ohio for a retreat with the wonderful, Jen Louden. The thing that resonated most with me was the concept that we don’t allow ourselves to want what we want.

Instead of doing something that really nourishes, we watch TV or surf the net. We don’t want to admit we don’t want to nurture ourselves by taking a bath, we’d rather go rock climbing or read a magazine.

We are so individual that the ways that are nurturing will be different for everyone. Maybe you are someone that feels great after playing video games, but won’t let yourself because you feel silly. Or you love to sing, but are too embarrassed to sing out loud so you stuff down that part of yourself. Or going out dancing is something that makes you feel alive, but it’s a risk so you stay at home.

What would happen if you let yourself want what you want?

What if you want chocolate?

Try savoring it really slowly like we did on the retreat. One was enough.

Of course, we know we don’t always get what we want. But, how often do we take the option of what we want away from ourselves?

What do you want right now. This minute? What would make you feel alive?

Can you allow yourself a little of that?

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Photo by Sam Howzit

I talk a lot about checking in with yourself with my clients. It’s hard to know if you are on the right path, if you never stop to ask questions.

If you don’t realize you are tired and stressed, it’s easier to chomp on that donut. If you never ask yourself what you need, how will you get those needs met?

I have a jar on my desk filled with questions to look at and ask every hour or two. Sometimes I use them throughout the day, other days I forget. But, it’s all good.

I got this idea from someone at Jen Louden’s Comfort Cafe. And some of these questions are from her Life Organizer. I cut up a few old cards and put them in a jar I had.

I love how intentional, conscious and aware checking in with myself makes me.

Breathe a few breaths. Take a question and read it. See what comes up for you and if there is any action for you to take or mindset you want to change.

Some questions to ask:

• Where is my heart right now?
• Are my expectations reasonable?
• Am I holding any tension in my body?
• What is my soul saying?
• What am I procrastinating on?
• How can I savor this moment?
• What is the next right thing to do?
• What am I feeling?

I created a pdf with questions I use. You can print it out on cardstock or paper and put in your own jar.

Check In Questions

 *update* Originally it was saved by using only system fonts, so people that didn’t have that font ended up with blurry lines instead. I have updated the file, so everyone should be able to see it now.

Many of the projects we want to accomplish don’t get done, because of the excuse we have no energy.

But sometimes we can create extra energy.

My favorite ways to get more energy:

• Getting outside
• Clearing a space – a little order brings so much energy!
• Movement – dancing, walking, biking, hiking, swimming, yoga
• Music – listening, playing, singing
• Reading something motivating
• Laughing – whether it’s talking with my comic genius son or watching a silly you tube video
• Noticing – taking pictures, meditating on an object, feeling with my senses, savoring
• Journaling my emotions to see if anything is stuck
• Eating cleanly and mindfully

What are your best working energizers?

Winter Hike from last year

My husband is on a schedule that does not make either of us happy. Hopefully it won’t be too much longer. He goes in to work at 4 in the morning and comes home at 2 in the afternoon. So we have a new sleep system. He goes to bed at 7pm and I go to sleep on the couch between 10pm and 11pm.

Then he wakes me up about 3am when he gets up and I go to the bed.

The first few days I had a terrible time falling asleep and then falling asleep again when I got the bed. Sounds of cars going by or the lights or hearing Jeff get ready for work kept me awake. So I tried some ear plugs. I never thought of wearing ear plugs before even through years of his snoring. I am using the really soft hearos ear plugs. No more traffic or the kids getting ready for school sounds. Yet I can still hear things like the alarm clock.

Next was a dark eye mask. It cuts all the light so it feels like I am in a completely dark room.

I’ve been getting up refreshed – before the alarm clock.

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Photo credit: Brandon Mandon