Feb
04
Honest Communication
ByThis is one of the greatest simplifiers out there.
My husband will laugh, if he reads this. For much of our marriage I would hide how I truly felt.
Husband: "What do you want to do this weekend?"
Me: "I don’t know, whatever you want to do?"
Or I’d get hurt and not tell him. Just seethe inside.
And it wasn’t just marriage. I’d say yes to requests I didn’t want to. Take on projects I didn’t have time for. And try to keep the peace at all costs.
Of course the costs are big: health, honest relationships and self-esteem.
How can we bring up the honesty quotient?
- Say no you can’t do that because you are already overextended, before you end up in a big project that is overtaxing.
- Ask for help. Admit you can’t do it all yourself. (If you are in a caregiving type situation this is a great site: Lots A Helping Hands )
- If someone is being nasty to you, ask what’s up. Questioning, but not accusing. It probably has nothing to do with you. This prevents a lot of hurt feelings.
- When someone asks which restaurant you want to go to, tell them.
- Don’t make the other party try to read your mind.
- Say, "I need 5 minutes of quiet, than I’d love to hear about your day," instead of zoning out, feeling annoyed.
- If you feel yourself hiding something, get to the bottom of that. Usually it’s out of fear and pride, but sharing can bring you closer to others.
- Let your boss know of a mistake right away, along with how you plan to fix it or prevent it from happening again.
- Ask for feedback and listen without getting defensive.
- Let others be honest with you without fear you will go ballistic on them.
- Be honest about what you appreciate in others. Don’t shy away from the compliment.
- Say no to the silent treatment.
- Know exactly where you are financially and share it with your spouse if you are married.
- Apologize.
- Don’t hide purchases from those you live with.
- Always remember that the goal is the relationship, not who’s right or who’s wrong.
Where do you want to up your honesty quotient?
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This is so smart and freeing. Just beautiful!
Honestly is a habit we have to practice. When I was a counselor I knew that if I was dealing with a manipulator, I was dealing with someone who felt powerless. Beth, I’m not saying you on this! But people who come from backgrounds where it wasn’t safe to be out there with your desires, thoughts, needs, etc. have to learn how to assert themselves in a way people who came from less threatening backgrounds take naturally. I came from an abusive background and used to talk all around a subject that was important to me to test the waters and see if it was safe to say what I had to say. I met my best friend who noticed that I did that and told me just say it out I promise I won’t attack you. Over a period of 3 years I learned how to speak more honestly. What liberation. Your list is great but most won’t be able to do it all at once. The point is to do it in the end!