Sep
23
Who Am I without my Roles?
By
Photo by Liz Jones
One reason people keep going too fast, is they don’t know who they are if they are not doing and being busy. If they said, "No," who would they be?
Here are some ideas to remind yourself that you are a person, not just a doer:
- Spend at least 5 minutes a day by yourself. Even if you don’t have time to journal, get a notebook and ask yourself questions, like the ones by Style Statement authors Carrie and Danielle or Jennifer Louden’s Life Organizer Just one question a day will help you rediscover yourself.
- Make it a habit when there is a choice, ask yourself to choose. If your husband asks where you want to go to eat, pause, ask yourself and find out the answer. When you have a choice between two colors, consciously choose which color draws you. Then you get to choose whether or not to voice your choice.
- Take a couple hours at least once a month to do what you feel like doing – no schedule, no to do’s. Just keep asking yourself what you want to do (or not do) next.
- Sit with a song and just listen without doing other things.
- Make a list of what you love and refer to it often.
- Next time you sit for a minute then right away feel you need to jump up and do something, try sitting an extra minute.
Who you are when you do things is more important than how much you get done. If your hurry is making you irritable or impatient, it may not be worth it.
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Making yourself actually think and choose is a great one. So many times I will say “whatever”, or “I don’t care”… where if I took a minute to actually think, I would find out that I DO care!
Taking time to listen to song is my biggy as well. So many people just have music on in the background while they do other things. It is so nice to take the time to listen to a song and do nothing else. Focus on the melodies, harmonies, rhythms, lyrics, movement, dynamics, and whatever visuals that the sound is inspiring.
Great post!
- Jack Rugile
Simple Sapien
This is so well put. I love your advice to let yourself choose. I often let other people decide for me, I think for two reasons. 1. It’s easier. 2. I think that it’s an issue of self-esteem. I know that if the other person decides, he or she won’t be able to be upset with my choice.
Personally, I’m making an effort to *not* make any plans, to free up my time and make me-time a priority. But it’s a constant effort not to fill my time up with “stuff.” I will definitely take this advice to heart!
This post really spoke to me. I’ve been studying simplicity as a spiritual discipline (which is what led me to this blog) but I’m starting to run up against simplicity v. service. I’m doing very well simplifying my belongings, but simplifying my schedule has me stymied. There are so many “good” things to do! And so many roles I feel obligated to fill: wife, mother, or more specifically, pastor’s wife and homeschooling mom, friend, daughter, neighbor. Anyone of those could be a fulltime job!
Debra in VA
Thanks Jack – yes just checking in with yourself will allow you to be more in control of your life.
Tiffany, So many times we complain that we don’t get what we want – but we never told anybody! It’s safer to say, “whatever you want”, but there isn’t that much risk in saying what you want except hearing no.
Debra, there are so many good things we can do. I think often for busy, serving lives like yours it is about pausing and praying. Asking what God wants you to do next. Praying over a decision to volunteer instead of automatically saying yes. Draw out those sitting on the sidelines to get involved. A lot of times they are just waiting to be asked. And always accept help that is offered. It sounds like you have a wonderful, people filled life. Schedules may not work for you, except to make sure you have daily time alone and some exercise scheduled.