What if you are trying to set boundaries with someone and it doesn’t take?

Let’s say your mom just drops by all the time without calling. One of the reason you may have stress is because, even though your mom never shares her plans, you have the expectation that she should. So not only are you dealing with her spontaneity, but the expectation that she shouldn’t be like this.

You can set boundaries saying something like, "I have plans and I wish you would have said you were coming today. Can we plan for another time?"  It doesn’t matter if your plans were just staying home and catching up. Do this a few times and she may start calling ahead of time. And when she does – lots of positive affirmation.

If she doesn’t then it’s your choice whether to accommodate her quirk and see her anyways or stand firm on your boundary that she doesn’t see you unless she calls ahead. If you decide to accommodate, which is a fine option, you also need to relax your own expectations of how she should be so you can enjoy your time together. Remember it’s your decision to spend time with her.

But, you don’t need to feel like a victim. You have the power. You have the choice.