I stared at the email I was never meant to receive feeling nauseous. What I thought I knew was not what was really happening. Questions: how, why didn’t they say anything, and self-critical thoughts rammed in my head.
I couldn’t do anymore work. There was no more room in my brain for actual thinking. I sat on the couch under my cream blanket in front of the space heater. I turned on Cupcake Wars which wasn’t nearly distracting enough.
At the first commercial I thought instead of running away from this, I might want to deal with it.
So I went to my bedroom and journaled the confusion, anger and anxiety.
Once all those were on the paper I went on to ask myself, “What if the worst did happen?” Turns out I could handle it fine. My contingency plan was solid. I also asked myself, “How likely would it be for that scenario to happen?” “Not very,” was the answer.
I pushed out some imaginary boundaries around myself creating a safe, little bubble around me. Feeling more capable and powerful I went to work instead of watching more Cupcake Wars.
I have been finding it’s actually faster to feel the feelings and dialogue with what’s going on when I am feeling resistance. As opposed to procrastinating on Facebook, cleaning,or getting sucked into the internet or TV. I could end up procrastinating for hours or days not dealing with why I don’t want to do something.
What are you resisting? What are you feeling about it?
Photo by Alex