Take Care When Sick – Be Compassionate with Yourself
Recently I was sick with a cold. You know the kind – you can keep going, you feel tired and miserable the whole time.
The first couple days I kept going. I didn’t want everything to fall apart.
Turns out that is an arrogant way of looking at things and I decided the world could do without me for a couple days. I took to the bed and couch with books and movies.
I had to keep talking the guilt away by telling myself I would get better faster if I actually relaxed. My productive brain likes to chastise me for not always doing something.
It’s tempting to equate a day without work with a day without worth. But my value was never meant to live and die by my to-do list. Choosing rest over relentless productivity isn’t weakness; it’s wisdom. Working through sickness doesn’t crown me with virtue—it only delays the care I deserve.
I read in a thread about a mom that was sick and letting the kid watch TV & the other moms were saying suck it up and do something with the kid.
I couldn’t believe how judgmental they were. (Of course, that’s pretty judgmental of me to judge their judging.)
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we were compassionate with one another? Instead of saying things like, “Heard you were sick. Hope you had a nice time while I was working.” And not expecting a spotless house when someone is sick. Perhaps we could lend a hand or ear, instead of falling into the trap of thinking that being sick is a failure.
Wouldn’t it be even more wonderful if we were compassionate with ourselves when we get sick.
How about speaking to yourself like you would a loved one, “Aww this is miserable, and it’s okay that you need rest. I’m here for you.”
Drop the guilt on productivity. Our worth is not dependent on what we do. Rest is part of the healing process, not a detour from it.
Lower the bar way, way down. Don’t expect normal levels of what you can do.
It’s ok to hate being sick. No need to be positive about the experience. Be with what your feelings actually are.
Treat your body like a dear, exhausted friend. Cozy socks, a warm drink, lovely music and cozy blanket. Be soft with yourself.
Remind yourself this is temporary. Your body knows how to heal, but it needs your kindness and patience.
Ask for help – soup, someone to pick up a prescription, a spouse putting the kids to bed.
You don’t have to earn the right to be kind to yourself, especially when you’re sick. Compassion isn’t a reward for toughing it out, it’s the medicine your body and heart needs most when it’s ill.
If you are feeling under the weather (as it seems most people I know are), I wish you a speedy recovery and a big dose of gentleness.
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I wish I could figure out a way to work while sick. I have arthritis of the spine and hold down a full time job as an Executive Assistant. I know my boss gets impatient with me when I have to be off, but sometimes my back just won’t take any more sitting or moving and I have to be in bed for a couple of days so I can even move. It’s very discouraging, and I don’t know what I can to to fix it. If anyone has ideas, I’d appreciate hearing them, I’m at the end of my rope.
Thanks.
You are so right. We do it to ourselves – feeling guilty if we’re not productive. Why? Women never used to work outside the home as much as they have in the past 40 years or so. My mother never worked although if she was sick she worked through the things in the home that still needed to be done. She was able, though, to rest when she felt she needed to. I am halfway through radiation therapy for early stage breast cancer. Totally treatable and I’ll be fine, expect to live for a very long time yet. I work full-time as an administrative assistant 4 days/week, 9.5 hrs per day. I’m struggling with deciding to file for short-term disability. Why? Because when I come back to work everything will still be the same. No one will pick up the slack while I’m gone. There’s that feeling of guilt in being nonproductive. We want to be needed – every human wants that feeling of worthiness and women seem to have this “disease” far more than men. We need to take care of ourselves or we can’t be of any use to those around us, our children, other family members, our friends. So do I apply for short-term or not? I’ll be praying about what my decision should be over the next few days.
To Susan – does your employer provide a health plan – can you take some time off with pay? There are laws for that. Not sure where you live, but you should check into it with the HR person in your office.
I am a home daycare provider and almost never take a day off. I have worked through strep throat, the flu, bronchitis, and pneumonia. I have always felt so guilty letting my daycare parents down by taking a sick day knowing it would throw their day into a tizzy by having to find a back up sitter or having to day an unexpected day off themselves. I do not get paid sick days so that, too, is part of it. I think next time I am really ill, I should just take a day or two off and could possibly get better a lot quicker and just forget the guilt. (I always let the parents know I am sick and give them the choice of sending their child or not and 99 percent of the time they all send their children)
I sympathize with Susan and with Sammi. I think with the upcoming H1N1 (swine flu)pandemic we will have to learn to take time off when we are sick. If we don’t we are putting the lives of others in danger and our own as well – even if we don’t contract a particularly nasty case of flu we are vulnerable to secondary infections which can be very serious.
Try a raw food diet for the arthritis and inflammation: http://www.ehow.com/how_2301979_eat-raw-foods-reduce-arthritis.html
Thanks so much for all your comments – it helps to know there are other people out there in the same situation. To Esther – yes, I have already applied for FMLA and do have that in my personnel file. With the time I’ve had to take off, I stay out of leave time, as we only get a certain amount per month. I just wish I knew how to either come to grips with the handicap, or ease off on myself when I can’t work. There’s always the guilt – sometimes I come in for just an hour just to see if I can sit through a day. And this pales in relation to Esther’s issue – cancer. The mental issues feed on the physical issues, and the feeling of helplessness and weakness when we are used to being Superwoman – that’s a huge issue with me. Thank you all so much for your support, this is the first time I have gone online to ask for help.