Ever notice that some people have super busy schedules but they seem to float and flow in time? They’re rarely stressed. They are enjoying life.

And other people with the same schedules are tight, stressed and feeling overwhelmed?

That’s because schedules and not enough time are not the real reasons people are stressed. We like to think we are stressed because there isn’t enough time. That we think we can fix with better time management, being more organized or having a more efficient planner system and the latest apps.

Yet, much of the stress is because of your current relationship with time. The relationship is broken and uneasy.  Time feels like the enemy. We want to think linearly and productively. When there is energy, focus, emotions, beliefs to dig deep into to find your improved relationship with time.

Where are you with time?

If you are looking to change your relationship to time, check out my class.

I haven’t done spring cleaning in years. I tried – but doing all that work in a couple of weeks or even a month makes me tired. Not to mention with spring allergies, March & April are not my most energetic months.

I would look at those clever lists (now you can find them all over Pinterest) and feel guilty that I was not doing a bunch of cleaning this month.

I choose to break down my cleaning. I have broken up the various tasks most people do for spring cleaning and I do a few each month – usually doing them about twice a year. So curtains would be in May, defrosting the freezer in November, cleaning light fixtures in Feb and Aug.

This month’s cleaning & maintenance tasks pop up on my Google Calendar. Then I usually take a Saturday morning to work on them.

You can create your own spring cleaning throughout the year list. Here is Martha Stewart’s spring cleaning list (Yea, that is not happening this month). Now divide the tasks by 12. If there are some that you want to do more often you can schedule them that way.

Now add them to a digital calendar like Google Calendar, or an app like Regularly, or in your paper calendar. Or if you have a household notebook or home care file on your computer you can put a checklist there.

To get you ready for the lovely day, here is a checklist for every day. To keep it simple you don’t need to do it every day. You can pick only the ones that sound like something you want to do.

Feb. 1 Write a love note to your honey, detailing what you love about him or her.

Make your bedroom romantic by getting things out of the room that have nothing to do with getting dressed, loving or sleeping.

Feb. 2 Light candles around the house for candlemas day.

Decide if you want to spend valentine’s day with friends, significant other or family.

Feb. 3 Rent a sappy movie for your self to get in the mood or shop for some sexy outfit for valentine’s day with or without friends.

Try your hand at a love poem.

Put on a Valentine Screen Saver

Feb. 4 Do three nice things for your significant other today.

Plan where to spend valentine’s and make reservations or start picking up the house.

Feb. 5 Have a nice long talk with your honey, even if it is only on the phone.

If you are having dinner at home, decide on the menu. If not, think of a fun way to get to your destination.

Feb. 6 Find some romantic music to play at home or in the car for the big day. Start listening to it now.

If you have snow, freeze some snowballs for some fun this summer.

Feb. 7 Compliment your love at least three times today.

Get your haircut and/or a Makeover.

Feb. 8 Get some extra exercise in today; try some yoga moves.

Give yourself a facial- steam your face, wash, exfoliate, put on a mask, rinse off, then apply moisturizer.

Feb. 9 Set out candles and massage oil for an early romantic time.

Order flowers.

Feb. 10 Do a random act of kindness for your sweetie and don’t get found out.

Buy a present and make a card.

Feb. 11 Reread some old love letters and go through some pictures of the two of you.

Figure out or confirm any details of what you are going to be doing for Valentine’s Day.

Feb. 12 Make fudge.

Give yourself or go out for a manicure and pedicure.

Feb. 13 Pick up a movie, flowers, or anything else you need for tommorow.

Take a nice, long bath. Defuzz, exfoliate your skin, and slather on some heavenly smelling lotion.

Feb. 14 Make sure house is clean in morning, including fresh sheets.

Send a virtual valentine.

Enjoy your day!

Photo by: Katerha

I have a project I haven’t touched in two weeks. Why? I don’t know. I have forgotten to ask.

One of the main reasons I don’t procrastinate as much as I used to, is that I’ve gotten into the habit of asking why.

We often know we are procrastinating. But, instead of getting to the bottom of it we make excuses like, “Well I’m just a procrastinator” or “I’m just lazy”.

Firmly held beliefs about yourself are usually easier to deal with than, “I don’t want to be judged harshly with the finished result, so I’ll do it last minute knowing it wasn’t my best work.” Or, “I’m scared I don’t know what I am doing.” Or, “I am overwhelmed by the scope of it.”

Instead of telling ourselves the truth we lie to ourselves when we only admit we procrastinate.

Until we get to the why, it’s harder to overcome procrastination.

Next time you realize you are procrastinating, ask yourself why?

Then you can talk back to your fear, ask for help, break down the project into smaller pieces or try making the task more fun.

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You can find other ways to deal with Procrastination in my Procrastination eCourse or join the accountability group starting Nov. 1 and get the Procrastination eCourse included.

This month is my birthday, so every October I get the urge to evaluate my life. See what is working. Decide if I am living how I want to live. Here are some questions to help you with your own evaluation:

• Where do I see myself in the next year?
• What am I passionate about in my life right now?
• Am I living by my values? Is there any place I am not in integrity?
• Are my needs being met? Am I meeting the needs of those close to me?
• What are my strengths? Am I using them?
• Am I doing things to the best of my ability or is there a place I need to raise my standards?
• How are my boundaries with others? Do I often feel taken advantage of?
• Is my daily routine helping me or boring me? Is there anything I want to add or take away from my routine?
• What is standing in my way of doing my dream? What can I do about it?
• What am I tolerating in my life that is draining my energy?

You can ask yourself these questions, whether it’s your birthday or not.

Review your answers and decide what actions you want to take. Remember, you are creating YOUR life, not someone else’s.

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Pix by Emma Larkins

How many times during a day do you say, “Not again, this always happens.”? You can’t find your keys, you are late for work, the water overflowed, or you are out of toothpaste.

If a problem continuously happens, it’s probably time to do something about it, don’t you think? Complaining about the same thing over and over, but not fixing the problem doesn’t help.

Most of the time we put up with problems even though they consistently irritate us. Why? We think we have too much to do. We don’t take the time to stop, think things through and come up with a solution.

1. Name your problem

What problem keeps coming up for you?

2. Look at your current procedure

Are you late because you go to bed late, wake up late, and then do too many things right before leaving?

Do you lose keys because you don’t have a specific place for them or a habit to put them there so you throw them wherever you end up first?

Do you run out of things regularly because you don’t have an errand day or a shopping list put up?

3. Is there any way to tweak your procedure?

Can you research online for how to get your kids to listen better?

Can you create a habit to help you remember nice things about your hubby instead of criticisms?

Can you make a routine to back up your computer every Friday so you don’t lose files?

4. Try out your new procedure for 2 weeks-a month

Put a note in your calendar to review your procedure. What’s working? What isn’t? Is there any more research your need to do? Is there anyone to ask about this problem?

5. Keep tweaking until the problem is solved to your satisfaction

Too many people give up after one try at something, figuring nothing will work and they will have to keep putting up with this problem. Keep at it. Do you know how many different solutions there are to all kinds of problems?

As you go through your week, think about which recurring problems come up. Print out this Problem Solving Plan and play with one of the problems:

Problem Solving Plan

Of course, some problems can be solved without a whole plan. Just noticing the problem can make a difference.

Gina asks, “Hi Beth, any tips for simplicity when crafting email communication or when communicating ideas verbally?”

The two most important things are to be straight and to be clear.

1. Be Straight

   When I was first married I communicated mainly by hinting. Yes, that was frustrating. Especially when communicating with the male species, hinting is not optimal. “It’s hot in here,” doesn’t necessarily mean someone is going to turn on a fan. “Could you please turn on the fan for me?” works much better. Even if they say no, then you can get up and turn on the fan instead of waiting for someone to get the hint.

   Don’t think, “If they loved me, they would just know what I want.” That’s a lovely sentiment but not based in reality. Someone may not be able to read your mind but that doesn’t mean they don’t love you. Experiment with assuming they love you and try asking for what you want. You may be pleasantly surprised.

   If you want to cancel something, cancel it without being wishy-washy. I much prefer people that say, “I think I am ready to go on my own without coaching,” then people that just stop paying and showing up for calls. The second way wastes my time and energy. The first lets us create a plan for them to start being accountable to themselves and we can get complete.

   If someone asks you to do something you don’t want to, but you say yes anyway, you become resentful. This does not make for a good relationship. Be honest. Most people prefer you being honest with them because a lot of people aren’t. People are tired of games and having to guess what people really think. Be real and you get real relationships.

   There is no reason you can’t be honest and kind. You can practice tact. Each person responds differently so you may need different approaches. “This sounds like a wonderful program. And I have hit my maximum projects right now. I wish you the best with this.” “I have appreciated working with you. And I have decided to go with someone (closer, more available in my time frame). I will be on the look out for people that are your perfect fit so I can refer them to you.” “Since I value our marriage so much, I need to let you know that I need a few hours to myself every week because I am feeling frazzled. How can we work that out?”

   Don’t assume you know what other people are thinking. If you are unsure, ask them. If you didn’t understand their question, ask them. Let people know it is safe for them to be honest and straight with you as well. (That means no flying off the handle, acting like a martyr or giving the silent treatment.)

2. Be Clear

   This requires you to know exactly what you want before you can convey it to someone else. Before you talk/call/email stop for a second to see what you need from this exchange or what you want to communicate. Then say or write it with the fewest words possible that still show the meaning.

   Often people start talking or writing something, but they go into tangents until the real message is obscured.

   Usually it’s best to keep to one action request per email, but if there is more then make sure you number the action requests.

   Put the action in the subject line:

   To Approve: Newsletter for Thursday

   To Review and Sign off on by Friday: Acme Project Plan

   RSVP: Daniel’s Graduation Party June 18

   Have Betty pick out birthday dinner for upcoming visit

   Need Marie’s phone number

   FYI Only: July 2 Knitting Group notes

   Before sending an email, quick re-read it to make sure it is clear and straight. Ask yourself if the person would have more questions after reading it. A few seconds of re-reading can save many back and forth emails.

   If it’s something that requires a lot of back and forth a call or instant message is better than email.

   Think before diving into communication so you can be as clear, straight and effective as possible.

The difference between a home that is usually picked up and one that is usually messy is often just the habits of the owners. Create better habits and you could have a cleaner home. Some good habits to implement:

• Leave a room neater than when you got there. Before you leave a room, do a quick scan. Grab the plate and cup you brought in. Then pick up the other cup on the table.
• Put things away even when you are in a hurry. I used to run out the door and leave everything out on the bathroom sink. Now I always put everything away before I leave. I start getting ready a few minutes earlier.
• Do a 10 minute tidy with your family in the evening. Have all the family members pick up their stuff from throughout the house.
• Do things right away. Fold laundry right away so it is less wrinkled. Do dishes right after dinner so they aren’t crusty. Sew on the button before it gets lost.
• Do errands on one day instead of every time you run out of something. Think how much less you will be stuck in the car. Keep a running list of things to buy.
• Keep up with laundry and dishes.
• Sort through papers and email daily.
• Put jewelry back into the jewelry box every night. I am working on this one right now. I have a little stash of jewelry next to the jewelry box that has become annoying.
• Pick it up as you go. Put away projects when you are done. Clear off the desk when you are done with work. Put away food when you are cooking.

Which of these habits would make the biggest difference in your home? You can start practicing your habit right away!

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If you want support in creating new habits, join us for the next Habit Class.

So what do you do when you end up taking on something on hindsight you shouldn’t have? It’s easier to notice after you say yes how this is negatively affecting your life.

1) Notice that getting yourself into situations like this is not fun. Feel the pain so you remember for next time. Examine why you said yes – maybe you were looking for approval, maybe the project didn’t look as big and time consuming as it ended up, maybe you said yes automatically without looking at your schedule. Figure out why you said yes and put in place boundaries so you are less likely to say yes in that kind of situation. You could decide never to say yes unless you look at your calendar. You could practice with a friend different ways to say no. You can make sure you get a time commitment up front.

2) Next, decide if you want to get out of duty/project/leadership position. In some instances you may have to bow out if it is negatively affecting you and your family. I know you always want to keep your commitments, but sometimes you can’t. You can only focus on so many activities at a time. Make sure it is worth it.

• Be honest right away with the people affected. Don’t drag it on hoping you will be able to do it. They will be relying on you more as time goes on.
• Let them know you didn’t realize the time commitment would be so much or whatever your reasoning.
• Help them find solutions, perhaps finding one or two people to take your place.
• Have down on paper what specifically you have been working on so someone can get right in.

3) If you decide to stay on for the project, look at the rest of your life. What other projects can you put on hold for the time being? Can you decide no social media for the next three weeks?

• Is there anyone you could ask that might be able to help you?
• Talk about ways to streamline and simplify the duty or project.
• Be clear on how much time you can spend on this and stick with that.
• During busy times like this it is even more imperative to relax sometime during the day and get at least 10 min of exercise in for stress relief.
• Cut yourself some slack with the house and cooking. Ask for more help at home.
• Make sure everyone is clear on the expectations and make sure they are realistic.

My husband and I were taking a Jeep ride through the country last weekend. I noticed a couple houses still had their wreaths up. I figured it is probably less about no time to take it down and more about not noticing the wreath is still up.

I have gotten in the habit of asking myself at the end of any to do, "What is the follow up or next step?"

So when the Christmas decorations go up, I also calendar when they come down.

If I write someone, I put in my calendar when I need to follow up with them.

If I have to stop in the middle of a project, I write down the next step for the next day I plan on doing the project.

When I put the clothes in the washer, I make sure I use the timers soclothes get all the way from washing to drying to folding to put away.

When I get off a call, I immediately write down the action steps in my to do list before they fall out of my brain.

It takes a few seconds to write down the next step or the followup, right after you do something. Much easier than fumbling with your memory trying to recall what you were going to do next. Or worse, never remember you were going to follow up until something gets way behind.

Life has too many moving parts for me to rely on my memory. Why don’t you try this out and see how it works for you?

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Wreath photo by Ms.Tea