A common part of getting older and entering retirement is having an empty nest! This poses an important decision to make – should you downsize your home? There are endless factors to consider when it comes time to make this tough decision. I am going to lay out a few popular topics to keep in mind when planning your future living arrangements.

You need more money for retirement

Due to financial reasons, many Americans aren’t rushing to retire at 65 anymore. If you’re already retired or thinking about it soon, it’s understandable to feel nervous about your finances for the future. But what does this have to do with downsizing your home?

If you have paid off your whole mortgage loan, then it might be smart to sell your house and buy something smaller and save some of that cash. However, if you’re still paying on your mortgage, then consider refinancing your mortgage and how you could benefit from this. Refinancing allows you to get a new mortgage loan with a lower interest rate than your original loan. When you choose a no-closing-cost refinance, you don’t have to worry about paying anything upfront. This is a smart choice when you want to refinance your mortgage but also have bills to pay off or you want to invest in your savings account.

Selling your house to downsize or refinancing with a lower interest rate like this can give you peace of mind if you feel stressed over the future of finances throughout retirement.

Home maintenance is becoming too much

When the upkeep of your home is becoming too much of a strain on you, that’s a good sign that it might be best to downsize. Cleaning, yard maintenance, decluttering, and other upkeep can cause a lot of stress on your mind and strain on your body. It’s not easy to clean a large home, especially if you’re not using all areas of it anymore. Additionally, keeping your landscaping neat, cleaning your siding, and repairing things in a timely manner is a lot to manage.

Maintaining your home is vital when it comes to selling your house in the future. The last thing you want to do is make the decision when your home is already deteriorating. It’s better to stay on top of the maintenance when you can, and when you feel like it’s becoming too hard, consider downsizing as soon as you can.

Your house layout no longer fits your lifestyle

There are a lot of physical characteristics of family homes that no longer fit the lifestyle of a retiree. We already know that maintaining a large home or a lot of land can be tough, but here are some characteristics of family homes that may no longer suit your needs:

• Two stories. Having two floors in a family home is great for the extra space and privacy for everyone who lives there, but as you age, it can just become a hassle. Now more than ever, modern ranches are being sought after for their convenience and open floor plans.
• A lot of space. If you’re an empty-nester, you know your children likely won’t be coming back home to live; they may already have their own house and kids too! This means that you don’t need all of the extra bedrooms or playrooms like you used to.
• Formal areas. Formal dining and living areas are great when you’re entertaining friends and family on a regular basis. But with age, other family members take on the responsibility of hosting holidays and birthday parties and the need for these formal rooms in your home dwindles.

These are just some of the things to consider when you’ve been thinking about downsizing your home. If you’ve felt the strain of keeping a big house well-maintained or need extra cash to help fund your day-to-day life, then living in a smaller home might be the way to go! If you have already downsized, what helped push you to make the decision?

We’re taught from a young age that we need to be conscious of our bodies. Our parents teach us how to protect ourselves, not fall and wear a coat. We learn what to do when we get sick. But, taking care of our mental well-being is not always shared. We’ve become more aware of the value of mental well-being. So since most of us weren’t taught this aspect, what can we do for our mental well-being?

Here’s a simple guide to teach you how to take care of your mental well-being.

Be Kind to Yourself

We live in a fast-paced world, and we are constantly facing difficulties, whether it’s on a global or personal scale. Either way, we put a lot of pressure upon ourselves and tend to forget to give ourselves a break. We’re always trying to keep our family happy, trying to do our job perfectly to keep the boss happy or the business running- there are a million things that we need to do on a daily basis- for anyone and everyone but yourself.

Take the time to focus on yourself as well. You may put this in the background, but it is so detrimental to your mental health. Make it a point to read a book you love, do some meditation, or go for a swim. Anything that will help you clear your mind and give you downtime to find some inner peace is a must on a regular basis.

This kindness to yourself is also about the words you say to yourself. Notice your self-talk and see if it is kind. Is it something you would say to your best friend or a daughter? Be compassionate and forgiving to yourself.

Surround Yourself with Love

To have a healthy mind, you need to have positive reinforcement. It’s more difficult to stay positive when surrounded by negativity. But also remember you don’t have to take on their negativity. Be clear about what’s your emotions and what is their’s.

One way to surround yourself with love is a pet. You’ll find that many people that go through rehabilitation or have mental health issues also use Emotional Support Animals to help them get by. And you don’t even have to worry about leaving them behind. The services provided at Therapetic give you insight about what you need to do to get a certified letter that allows you to take the ESA anywhere. This includes places that generally don’t allow pets such as hotels, airplanes and so on.

Give Back

One of my favorite ways to take care of my mental health is taking care of others. While taking care of your mental health involves introspection and taking care of yourself, you’ll find that giving back to less fortunate people can also feel great. It can be therapeutic to step away from the material things that you are focused on in life and look into how you can help others who are less fortunate and are struggling.

If you find a way to connect with humanity and really make a move to make a difference in a world that has many dark corners, this will do wonders – not just for those you are helping, but also for you own mental stability and well being.

Challenge Yourself

There’s really nothing worse than stagnation when it comes to your mental health. It is a silent killer. You lose that spark when you aren’t trying new things or growing.

In order to feel alive, challenge yourself on a physical and mental level. Your mind can grow, and your body will be active, and you look forward to your days.

We are more than a body and self-care is not only about physical health. You can become a healthier person, inside out, mentally and physically. Don’t ever allow yourself to neglect your mental health, as this is the backbone and spine of everything else about you. Always remember that your physical condition affects your mental, and your mind affects your physical body. So let’s keep both healthy!

You will feel so much better, when you realize the news is pushing your buttons and not giving you the whole story.

The news is no longer the nightly news we grew up with – mostly straight with not much opinion. In fact if you were showing bias, you would get called out. If you are thinking that is still how it is and you are trusting it all, I am sorry to say that isn’t how it works anymore.

Now data shows what gets the most clicks. They can play with headlines to see which gets more views. Media is gathering info about people watching and tracking in the social media and websites. News is no longer about getting people information. It’s about getting clicks and having people come back for advertising revenue. TV news can use that information to mold what they say on their news/opinion shows.

News sites and shows must have found out it is outrage, opinion and fear that keep people coming back since that is what we are given.

And how can they give us that? By taking speeches out of context. By misinterpreting someone and then being outraged at the misinterpretation. By editing videos to show the opposite of what was said. By using a photo that is angled a certain way. They now base whole articles on one anonymous source, something that journalists would never think of doing before. I was a Communication and English double major is school. What they call journalism, would not have received a passing grade in my college. Fast and wrong now beats slow and correct.

The news cherry picks the worst of the “other side” so you start thinking everyone over there is crazy. That the news even thinks there is another side shows how far they have gone off the path. In reality, most people are decent and are trying to do the right thing. Most people are centrist people that don’t believe in the fringe (but the news wants us to believe the fringe is most people). The loudest people on Twitter and social media don’t think like most people. The people at various protests that are shown are picked out based on the narrative that media wants to show. They don’t represent an entire group of people. Not even everyone at the protest. But, division gets more clicks. If you can convince half the population that the other half is nuts, they win. If they can divide us by party, race, income, beauty, whatever they get more cash.

I have been feeling so much better now that I take the news with a grain of salt. While my Facebook friends are terribly upset about something, I hold my opinion because almost every time I find out what happened was not what was reported. I always go to the source, the whole video, the transcript. I see who is quoted and what bias they may hold. I no longer allow the news media to tell me how I need to think about an issue or tell me who I need to hate today.

If you look at all the news from the past couple of days and do your own research, how much holds up even a few days afterward? We are all human, so we are quicker to assume a story that matches up to our thinking is the real story. That’s when you have to triple check and see the other viewpoint.

Most people are not thinking about issues and forming an opinion. They are getting their opinion based on what news they watch. I got sucked into Twitter the past few weeks and what struck me was each side would be getting certain facts totally wrong. They never heard the corrections to stories or updates. They are spouting off “facts” that with a bit of research they would know are not true. Certain videos only showed up for Conservatives. Certain videos only showed up for Liberals. They aren’t seeing the same stories or are getting half a story so of course they are going to have different opinions. And you can tell what news they are watching, because the opinions are just like those sound bites. I love when I find thinkers on Twitter that talk in nuance instead of party sides.

Even on Facebook, we will see one side tell the other side to get their facts straight. As if only their side has a monopoly on truth, when in reality both sides are manipulated.

If you are only watching one news channel, or news with the same bias, you don’t know what is really going on. If you believe everything that the news says, you don’t know what is really going on. If you have the belief that everyone on one side is a certain way, you don’t know what is really going on. If you have chosen a side and form opinions based on what your team says, you don’t know what is really going on.

If we want to make a difference we need to focus on what we can influence. How we can affect the people around us by mentoring, having conversations, checking on our neighbors, holding food drives, or finding out what is happening in our local government. Next time you hear a story you are outraged about – get the facts. Then see if there is anything you can do. Often we find those outrage stories didn’t affect anything, except some people pretended to be upset about it.

The times are too important to follow blindly the outrage of the day.

This time in the world has made your problems with time come to the forefront. Trying to work at home and homeschool. Working 14 hours shifts at a busy hospital. Not knowing what to do without the distractions of the world. Watching too much TV. Not working for the moment, but still not completing any of the stuff you claimed you never had time for.

I remember waking up not at 5am like experts say you should. Not wanting to get out of bed because a long to do list was already first in my mind. Rushing to get the kids to school then me to work. Guilt when I had to pick the kids up a few minutes late. Rushing home, errands, kid’s activities, throwing something together for dinner. I always felt behind.

Life was pressure, multi-tasking, shame, shoulds, overwhelm and a constant feeling of not-enoughness.

And I was so tired of it.

So, I went on a quest to find ways I could get things done without the pressure and stress. I learned to focus and prioritize, creating a life I could look forward to. And most importantly, ending the day feeling satisfied even if not everything got done.

What have you noticed about time lately? Where are your sticking points? How do you feel when I say the word time?

If you are tired of how you have been dealing with time, I’d love to have you join my Changing Your Relationship to Time class starting April 6th.

Let me give you some skills and ideas for getting through the day with more grace and ease. Help you find meaning and joy.

It’s in times of crisis that you hone in on what is most important to you. You notice what you wished you had been doing. Or realize you need to write Grandma because she can’t have visitors. Or see how needed your caregiver is. Or how being kind to others makes you feel.

Some of you may be realizing how much time you waste on stupid stuff and worries. A lot of irritations seem small in comparison to the big event changing our lives.

Things are slowing down for many people as there are no social engagements, sport events, programs to drive the kids to. (And to the workers that are now working longer and harder than ever, we thank you!)

Many people spend their lives running from one event to another.

What happens in the quiet?

How do you feel when the world doesn’t seem to spin as fast?

I hope you take some of this time going within. Journaling, making art and checking in with yourself. What have you been noticing? Are you relieved by the social break? Do you long for more of this time in your life? Have you seen how much you like laid back time with your family without obligations?

Or have you noticed you are feeling lonelier? Have you made any career realizations? Do you see where you have been stretched too thin?

Go within. Be still. Meditate. Pray. Write.

When you are no longer running – what is there? Do you see trauma that needs healing? A peace in your brain? Character traits you aren’t fond of? New decisions that need to be made? A life calling? Habits to break? Re-connecting with your spirit?

Crisis often makes wound-too-tight lifestyles collapse. You realize the way you have been doing things doesn’t work.

Anytime life goes upside down and starts to fall apart, is a good time to check in with any realizations that come from it. What are you noticing?

I am finishing up the declutter group and a comment came up that always comes up – “I feel so guilty for having spent money on that item so now I don’t want to declutter it.” Similar, “That object was so expensive, I feel guilty getting rid of it.”

The truth is at the time you bought something, you thought you needed it or at least wanted it. Going forward you are going to be clearer on your purchases and notice if something is a want or a need.

We think if we keep something that should be decluttered, we are confirming we made a good choice before. And you may have. But, at this point in time it has become clutter. Is it worth your space, your time or your bad feelings every time you see the possession to keep it?

Money doesn’t flow back into your pocket if you keep it. If you get rid of it, at least you have a tax deduction.

This is where self-compassion comes in again. If you are feeling guilty about spending money on something you no longer need, be gentle with yourself. Say, “You thought you needed it, but now you don’t and that is ok.” “You are noticing your pattern of buying things you don’t need. In the future I will…” “Stuff and money do not tell me my worth. I am worth more than holding onto clutter.”

Telling your guilt to a friend can also relieve some shame. And maybe they have a good place to bring it.

Don’t let guilt keep you cluttered.

I have been struggling between the idea that you should not resist any thoughts and feelings that come up and directing my thoughts in a more positive direction.

One way of thought says thoughts are transient. They are not positive or negative. Welcome all thoughts and feelings. The resistance to these feelings is what produces suffering. I can see this way of thought. And have moved towards accepting everything that arises in body, mind and emotions.

I listen to my feelings. I hear my thoughts, but no longer believe everything they say is true. I have noticed often they are rehashing the past or being fearful of the future.

At the same time, I have a family history of depression and anxiety. I see when I let all the thoughts hang out I can get stuck in the fear or sadness. How do I accept all the thoughts and feelings without falling into the dark? And how do I think more positively without hiding from the pain and negativity (sometimes called spiritual bypassing).

It’s not that the darker thoughts are wrong, but they are not as helpful to me because I do get stuck. It’s hard to move forward with goals when you only see what will go wrong. It’s hard to sing in public when you are so filled with anxiety you want to get sick. It’s hard to go into social gatherings worried about the interactions.

I have created a morning practice that helps me see more positively because most of us naturally look for the negatives and downsides. In the mornings after exercise, prayer and meditation I begin writing.

• I write out my gratitudes. Not just the three or five things often touted in self-help books. I write 1-3 paragraphs of appreciation and gratitude.
• I write at least one thing I am looking forward to today. If I don’t have anything, I plan something. It can be as small as reading a chapter in a novel, drinking hot cocoa wrapped in a blanket. Or Facebook chatting one of my friends.
• I think of how I want to feel today: Serene, appreciative, radiant, connected, joyful, loving, patient, kind, giving. I pick 1-2 to concentrate on throughout the day.
• I look over my weekly goals and write out my intentions – what I want to do, why I want to do them, how I want to be doing them. “I intend to edit my book with clarity and love.” I connect with how my goals will serve others.
• I remember we are all connected.
• I play with another prompt or two. Like I appreciate… I love…I am at peace with…I surrender…Wouldn’t it be nice if…I want…I desire…I choose…I am excited about…here are some good feeling thoughts…I am…I wish…My soul says…My heart wants…I accept… These prompts help me tap into inner wisdom.

I bring my notebook that holds these writings to peek at throughout the day. Even reading one line can change my energy from a downward spiral. Plus the more I look for the good, the more I see the good naturally.

I can feel all my feelings. And I actually have practices to do that as well. But, afterwards I like to bring myself back to gratitude, appreciation and possibility. This is where my energy and optimism dwell.

I felt embarrassed by my housekeeping skills. I didn’t want people over.

This is when I started reading online and reading books. I took courses, so I could feel better about myself.

It all came from a place of shame and feeling pressure outside of myself (but, then internalized it, so I was pressuring myself.)

Nothing stuck.

It wasn’t until I found a group of people that admitted they didn’t have it all together. We shared our shame and embarrassment. Along with our hopes and plans.

Once all that thoughts and feelings I’d been holding onto were released by admitting it in public, I discovered other reasons to declutter, organize and simplify. It made me feel good to have some order. I could create a home that nurtured to take care of me and my family.

It didn’t have to be perfect to nurture. Even today, I usually have some papers in my inbox, but I no longer have paper piles for months or a stack to file as high as the filing cabinet. I enjoy having a system to pay bills on time or find that invitation or not lose the gift card.

Instead of the willpower and forcing (plus the resistance that comes with it), I have flipped the switch to noticing the positives of what simplifying and cleaning can do for me and my family.

I used to look at a pile of dishes, remembering how Grandma and Grandpa always cleaned up right after dinner. I would feel not good enough. I wanted to rebel. I would procrastinate. It took so much work and energy to get me to do them.

Now I do dishes because I know they are easier to clean right after a meal when you don’t have a dishwasher. I know I won’t want to do dishes anymore two hours after the meal than I do right after. I think about the clean kitchen afterwards. Doing dishes feels like no big deal now.

If you have a lot of shame, resistance and procrastination when it comes to home tasks, check in with your mind. Are you focusing on thoughts that make it harder or thoughts that make home care easier? Be self-compassionate as you go on this journey towards order.

I had a miserable, sick weekend and I had to stop my 30 Day of Yoga Challenge. (Creating the link, I noticed she calls it a journey. While I called it a challenge.)

So many challenges – 30 days of squats, 90 day whole foods challenge, 21 day meditation challenge and so on. That’s because challenges can work for certain people.

I love to try them out, but rarely make it to the end. But, this 30 days of yoga was going to be different. I had already made it to Day 24. Until I had stomach issues that yoga was not helping. I don’t need to bend and twist when my stomach is already knotted up.

Ahh! I felt frustrated for the days I did push through to do my yoga even when I didn’t want to. All the previous work was worth nothing because now I had failed the challenge. I had the, “See I never finish anything” self-talk. I wanted to quit even though I loved the yoga.

Time to re-frame. I was in charge, not a random challenge. It is something I want to do, not something outside myself making me do it. I can still continue even if I miss a day. I can do my yoga challenge two extra days. No big deal.

We don’t need perfectionism to smash our goals with our old stories of not finishing and never getting it right. We no longer need to be our patterns.

This goes for the Declutter Calendar, as well. I created it to simplify deciding what’s next in decluttering. Not as some strict piece of paper you have to adhere to or you are a bad person.

You don’t need to quit if you missed a day. Circle that day so you can complete when you a declutter day, you don’t have to do. (Yea, I don’t have anything above my stove, time to go back to Day 19.) Or do it next time it comes up on the calendar.

If you came in after January 1, start with today’s date and don’t try to catch up. Each day you do the calendar is progress. If you let perfectionism tell you to give up because you missed a day, remind your ego that the goal is a decluttered house – not a perfect checked off calendar.

Where is perfectionism suggesting you stop when you see a setback?

As I was stepping into the shower today, I was thinking that I would like one of those shower speakers to play music or podcasts. Then I realized the shower is one of the last places I have where there is no opportunity to consume other people’s input.

Like many people, my best ideas happen in the shower. Those small moments where there is nothing but your thoughts is becoming rarer.

I noticed that again a week ago. (Insight and awareness appear in cycles. Sometimes I need to be reminded over and over again.) I have been reclaiming these moments. I no longer get out my phone while waiting at appointments. Sitting in the dentist chair Monday waiting for the dentist, the assistant asked if I wanted my phone. I said no.

I can put on my makeup without background noise, though I saw mirrors with built-in speakers when I looked for a vanity mirror. Or eat lunch without watching a video. I hike in nature without audio.

I love music when I am driving, but sometimes I will drive without anything playing if I have been feeling amped up and frazzled.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by all the input coming into your life, stop some of it. We get to be in control with what we read, hear, see, consume in our downtime at least part of the time. We are burying ourselves in a quest to stay relevant, productive and always learning.

Allow yourself to be bored and quiet. See how that extra space feels. Watch TV without playing on your phone. Go on the treadmill with only your thoughts. Enter the restroom without a magazine.

Today, decide on one spot that you could add quiet without input, whether the shower, car, or waiting in line. What moment can you reclaim for your sanity and creativity?