All of us walk around every day telling stories in our head about those we meet. One story I hear a lot is that if someone has succeeded in doing something they are lucky or for some reason it was easier for them. Especially if it’s something we want.

It’s easier to believe that they have advantages that we don’t.

I was on a motorcycle ride this morning with my husband along the lakeshore and saw many people running, biking and walking. People of all shapes and sizes, but the majority were fit looking. They looked like they were out here regularly.

But, someone might see them without their exercise clothes and think that person hit the genetic jackpot. "They probably can eat whatever they want and never exercise." In reality, they work very hard to keep fit.

Another person is making lots of money. But also working 14 hour days with a long commute. "It’s just not fair that they have that good job." The job they went to school for, trained for, got mentored for and built relationships for.

For me, people can say I am lucky that I work from home and live a simple lifestyle. But, I also live in our 1920’s tiny starter home that we bought 16 years ago. We drive older vehicles and make less money than our siblings. I say no and make hard choices to live how I live.

Everybody has advantages and disadvantages. Maybe you are born creative, but are terrible disorganized. Maybe you have the drive, but have a chronic illness. You want someone’s garden, but this is the way she deals with depression by making herself get outside. You are envious of the stay-at-home mom and all the time she must have, but she is dealing with three kids under five without a moment to herself.

I see behind-the-scenes of many people in my line of work. No one has it all together. It does take work to succeed in areas you want. You probably can’t succeed in every area, but you get to choose.

As you go about this week, notice what stories you are telling about people. Are you saying how much easier they have it than you? Complaining about life not being fair? Making excuses about how you could do it to except for whatever disadvantage you may have.

When you notice those thoughts, instead congratulate people in your head for their hard work and success. Assume a different story and know you can do it too.

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Photo by Barney Moss

It’s a little over half way through the year. How are your goals coming? Have you made progress? Or perhaps you haven’t even looked at them since you created them.

Or you don’t even make goals anymore so you don’t have to let yourself down.

Maybe you keep them vague inside your head. Wishes.

It might be time to turn your goals into projects. Have actual steps to take and put on your calendar.

Even goals like "Be more honest" can have action steps. Reminders set about the living space. Scheduling to think about ways you can be more honest in the morning. An action that if you find yourself saying a white lie, you need to come clean within 24 hours.

If you want to turn your goals into a project, I can help you by either doing accountability email coaching with you or you can join the August Pleasant Project small group where I take you through a process to plan out your goal.

Even if you don’t sign up, I encourage you to pick one of your goals to turn into a project and start planning!

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Picture by Robert Nunnally

One of my email accountability clients reminded me I hadn’t done a video in awhile. Looking at my desk, I knew I had a video to share. My desk was a mess and this is how I cleaned it up. Looking over the video I also noticed a few other spots that needed to be picked up. As you know I am anti-perfection so enjoy this video flaws and all:

Some people asked what I do with the papers I put in my inbox:

Living Room Paper Sort
Action File
Filing System

In my groups I talk a lot about gentleness and self-kindness as we make changes or create new habits. But, excuses are not self-kindness.

We get in our head that we can’t feel badly about ourselves. To prevent that we lie and make excuses instead of telling ourselves the truth. That is not being kind and gentle.

Is it kinder to say to yourself, "I just didn’t have time to work on my project" or "I was feeling nervous about the project and procrastinated instead of working on it today?"

If you use the the blanket time excuse you don’t have to deal with any underlying issues. You most likely won’t change anything the next time. You don’t give yourself the opportunity to talk gently or forgive yourself.

But, if you tell yourself the truth, you can ask what will make you less nervous. You can figure out if there is more preparation or planning you need to do. Then next time you will have one less obstacle.

You could blame other people. "I would’ve gotten it done but my friend called and I couldn’t get off the phone with her for an hour."

Or you could take responsibility, "I chose to talk on the phone with my friend instead of working on my project. Next time I might set a timer to be off in 30 minutes." or "And I would do the same thing next time because talking with my friend is important to me."

You can tell yourself the truth AND be kind to yourself.

If you didn’t do something because you were scared, angry, annoyed, feeling defensive, be honest with yourself so you can work through those feelings.

If you made different choices than would have been prudent, own them. If you didn’t plan well, forgive yourself and plan better tomorrow.

Blaming the weather, other people, lack of time, your age, your ethnicity, your weight or whatever excuse will not make you feel better about yourself because you aren’t moving forward. You are going in a loop of promises, excuses, promises, excuses.

So this evening when you look an unfinished business on your to do list, be honest. Why didn’t that get done? Forgive. Be kind and gentle. Then decide what you will do tomorrow.

The wetlands called to me this morning at 6:30am. I pulled up to the bass of the frogs and the brass of the birds.

The air and grass were still damp with morning dew while a breeze made the temperature perfect.

I am greeting by my blue heron and smile. The swans with their cygnets are nowhere to be seen. Perhaps they are learning to fly.

As I am trying to let my daughter do. She will be 21 in less than 2 weeks and is in her own place with five roommates. It’s so hard to let go, especially when you’ve already lost a child who was on the verge of flying himself.

Not one part of me wants to let go. She doesn’t want me to say, “I’m proud of you,” anymore. When she got her wisdom teeth removed she recovered back at her apartment instead of our couch. Our nightly chats are now a few minutes on Facebook every few days.

Thankfully she still wants to go to the farmer’s market, plays, walks at the wetlands and even requested to go on the writer’s retreat with me.

I am not letting go of her. I am letting go of how I’ve been mothering. A new stage.  So she can fly.

I had been feeling a little jaded and cynical. Life didn’t feel very sparkly after a period of overwork. Then a ran across the word

fascination

Giggles bubbled up. What would it be like to allow daydreaming and imagination? Riding through the galaxy in my mind on a unicorn.

To be immersed, digging deeper and deeper into interest and truth.

Wondering.

Playing instead of working in my mind.

Re-connecting with soul, meaning and awe.

Feeling so alive that enthusiasm shines like sun on glass.

I want to be fascinated.

Are you feeling tired, cynical, or hopeless? What do you want to be fascinated by?

To add a little light to your day, try these elephant coloring pages. Mine are printed out to color today.

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Photo is a screen capture of the elephant coloring page by Easy Peasy and Fun.

Often when we don’t finish things we will berate ourselves that we were lazy. It’s an easy scapegoat because unless you are productive 100% of the time, you can tell yourself you are lazy. We could always do more whether it is good for us or not.

If you tell yourself, “You are lazy,” enough you start to believe it. You can do less because being lazy is just in your nature.

Lazy is a convenient excuse with consequences of shame. Not the best combo.

It’s also rarely the reason something didn’t get done.

Most likely you got overwhelmed, couldn’t decide what to do and zoned out to make yourself feel better.

Or maybe you were actually tired and your body said rest. Rest is imperative to a working person. Resting only when the work is done leads to no rest.

Perhaps you needed to make a plan for how to do the task instead of winging it. You might have needed to break the project down into smaller parts.

Next time you say to yourself, “Gah! I am soooo lazy!” instead ask yourself,

“What would make this easier and me more likely to do it?”

You’ll be surprised with the answers.

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Turtle resting on a log pix by Brea Dargis

It’s exhausting to go through the motions in our day, dealing with whatever is screaming the loudest and feels the most urgent. Our soul craves purpose, meaning and connection. Following our soul leads to a much different day.

But, we can’t hear what our soul says until we get quiet and alone. It’s not usually loud like a 2-year old demanding attention.

Often people run from that alone time, filling it with the internet or phone, never quieting their mind enough to listen. Fear calls saying, “You aren’t enough, if you aren’t doing something.” “If you get alone time, you’ll discover you aren’t happy and will need to change your whole life.” “Your emotions might be overwhelming if you give them space.”

So you tell yourself you just don’t have the time.

You drift further from your soul’s wisdom. You keep yourself busy doing things that may not matter.

So start small. Sit for 30 seconds breathing.  Next time you wait in line, keep your phone away. After you drop off the kids, turn off the radio as you drive to your destination in silence.

I find I hear small changes during my alone time. Drink more water. What would love do in this situation? Go for a morning walk at the beach. Call this person. The more I listen to my soul, the closer I get to the life I am meant to live.

What will you hear if you get quiet?

My first day back to the beach this spring and the weather was sunny and beautiful. I walked the pier admiring the sailboats on the blue Lake Michigan. Ducks walked among the rocks. A five-year old girl was running through the cold water screaming with delight.

I wandered over to the canal. As usual people were fishing. But, I saw something I had never seen before. A teenager fishing and playing on his phone. I thought fishing was the beacon of restfulness. A place to come back to calm. Instead, he had the pole set up against the rail to catch what goes by. On the phone he missed the quiet, the water, the birds, the lovely air.

Once that phone came into view I noticed more. A girl with a high-pitched voice was talking loudly about insurance. A mom is on her phone as her two kids play in the sand. A group of teenagers play on their phones instead of playing volleyball with the net next to their blankets. Two women text, presumably other people, as they sit next to each other in short beach chairs.

I don’t ever recall seeing that many phones on the beach. I think part of it for us in the northern hemisphere – we have been inside this cold winter. Technology kept us company. We didn’t realize we had been using it more and more. We got out the the habit of enjoying nature and hanging with friends just to talk.

Any technology habits you want to change this season?

May is the time of year I look to take a close look at my spending. We usually want to go camping at least once, see plays at Hope Summer Rep Theater, and there are always weddings, graduations, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. We also want to save for our summer vacation – though this year we are saving for a roof instead.

The easiest way for me to save quickly is by going a month by only spending on necessities like food (not Ghirardelli brownies), toilet paper and gasoline. So no clothes, cute things for the house, shoes, or books. No movies or dinners out.

I’d love to have you join this Intentional Spending Month. Go ahead and most in the comments on how you are doing.

You can read more about past Spending Fasts (though based on someone’s copyright I can no longer call them that) here: https://www.mysimplerlife.com/spending-fast

To help you, read my 20 Tips to Keep from Spending Money.

It’s also a great way to not bring more clutter in, if you plan on joining May’s Declutter Group. Many in the group declutter as much in this 6 week class as they have over the last few years.

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Image by StockMonkeys