I’d been thinking about a vanity table for a year – a place to put on makeup and do my hair. But, I didn’t want to spend the cash for a table. I also wasn’t sure where I would put it.
I continued to long for one though, since we only have one bathroom and it was getting harder to see to put my makeup on with the bathroom mirror.
This December, the server that was in my room bit the dust, so we retired it. We were breaking down the desk to remove it from the room, when my husband suggested we turn the desk into a vanity table.
We took the top off the desk so there would be plenty of light. He bought a blotter protector/mousepad to cover the rough-looking desk and make it easier to clean.
I brought my two plastic makeup containers and a plastic drawer set for hair supplies up from the bathroom. The desk drawer was perfect for my theater makeup.
So now instead of an expensive vanity table that would probably have been too small, I now have a good sized vanity table from an old desk.
I started to get a migraine New Year’s Eve. The midnight fireworks didn’t help. I woke this morning with a doozy of migraine pain. So I went within to feel the feelings.
I noticed that I had been reading a lot of those end of year/decade retrospects of travel, family, and prosperity. My past decade was one of great loss. The biggest being my son and my Mom. In the recent couple years an empty nest. It’s been a decade of hard. So I let myself feel that pain and sadness. Sit with the feelings.
I am sure I am not the only one that has gone through a difficult decade. So give yourself time to mourn. To feel. To remember.
After letting those emotions wash over me, I reminded myself of how much stronger and more compassionate I am now. How strong my marriage is. How much deeper my spirituality. How much wiser my writing. How much more connected I am to my body and emotions.
I remember the fun with family, the adventures, getting back into singing in public and on stage, and all the nature hikes.
I look to this new decade, knowing there will be pain but also knowing there will be joy, so I hope.
My wish for all of you is that you will find joy and beauty, whatever this new decade brings. And that you would make honest connections so you are supported during the rough patches. May you know you are loved and lovable. Light and love to all of you.
If you get my Weekly Simplicity Tips, you should have seen the 2020 Declutter Calendar. (If not, check your spam folder or promotions folder, then move my email to the inbox.)
I see and read about the franticness people have at this time of year between the holidays, getting the end of year stuff done and trying to plan the next year. You see snippyness at the store. The fatigue of young mothers with kids trying to get the groceries. Cards, food, baking, decorating, watching all the Christmas films, seeing the lights, entertaining and concerts.
You can stop. It may seem you have to do all the things. You may feel pressure to do everything. But, how much of that is internal and how much is external?
We all bring in the expectations of our upbringing and what we assume are the expectations of society. We also struggle with our own internal perfectionism – wanting to do it all and wanting to do it right.
But, it is your life. You have your own purpose, talents and ways of seeing. If you try to do all the things, who you are gets watered down. Do you want to be a clone of everyone else or what other people say you need to be?
What’s most important to you and your family right now? What can you let go of? What can be less than perfect?
Notice where you are getting tense and stressed from self-pressure. Ease up for a happier you and a happier family.
I was at a family dinner one weekend. Some of my relatives were having a hard time figuring out what I do.
“People pay you to help them finish their project?” “Don’t you just say Just Do It?”
I come from a family of people that, “Just do it.”
I am not one of them. I explained that not everyone can just do it. Some people are like me, and we need to get into good mindsets and set up systems so it’s easier to do.
A lot of us have more limited energy, so we need to focus. And sometimes support in that.
Some of us procrastinated and never finish anything without accountability. I always have an accountability partner and enjoy being other people’s accountability.
I had to learn skills because I am more of an imaginative flake then a self-motivated doer.
I figured others might want to learn these skills with gentle encouragement.
People say they get so much more done in one of my classes or in coaching because of the accountability, new skills and the self-compassion I teach.
So to all of you that can’t, “Just Do It,” you are not alone. We are just wired differently.
***
If you need some encouragement and support with decluttering, my most popular class, the Declutter Group starts January 20, 2020.
My Mom and Grandpa were avid gardeners. I am in the midst of thinking about and planning a new flower garden and assessing what vegetables grew best this year. My garden is one of my simple pleasures (though it requires work.)
Whether you’re an amateur gardener or a professional, there are many things you might not know about your garden. For example, did you know that you can use baking soda to grow sweeter tomatoes? If you live somewhere with a high concentration of wild deer, did you know that they can jump over eight feet, clearing your garden fence with barely an effort?
Sometimes, a lack of knowledge simply means you get to discover some fun trivia about your favorite outdoor place to be, but sometimes knowing more about what your garden needs could mean the difference between a healthy garden and an unhealthy one. From growing plants to greenhouse etiquette, everyone could stand to learn a little something more about their garden, and we hope this list teaches you something. Here are 8 things you might not know your garden needs.
1. Ventilation
This is more of a point specifically regarding
greenhouses than a general garden one, but it’s important if you want to grow
out-of-season plants or food. It’s impossible to overstate the importance of good
greenhouse ventilation. If your plants aren’t getting enough air, then no matter
how much you water them and care for them they’re not going to grow. Your job
is to simulate the plant’s natural growing environment as much as possible, and
that environment always includes proper ventilation.
2. Sound
Research has suggested that exposing plants to sound
will help them to grow. Of course, your plants will be constantly exposed to
sound no matter where you are; there is no such thing as true silence when it
comes to your garden, after all. Still, standing next to them and specifically
playing sounds can help to stimulate their growth. Some studies have even suggested that plants really like jazz
and classical but don’t love rock music, so tailor your tastes accordingly!
3. Coffee
grounds
Coffee grounds are just one of the things you can use
as a natural substitute for composting. The list also includes banana skins, or
eggshells, or any other organic matter. You don’t actually need to compost soil
in order to help your plants absorb nutrients as they decompose; the chances
are you’ve already got plenty of things in your home that will do the job just
fine. You can also use weeds, paper, or wood, among other things.
4. Baking soda
As we said earlier, applying baking soda to your tomatoes can help them to become sweeter. Any crop for which you wish to reduce the acidity can benefit from an application of baking soda. Believe it or not, baking soda is actually a wonder product when it comes to gardening. Not only is it great for sweetening sour crops, but it’s also an excellent way to fertilize wilting plants, clean birdbaths, and scrub your garden furniture free of any pesky stains.
5. Weeds
Depending on what kind of animal you want to attract
to your garden, it’s a good idea to keep weeds like dandelions and clovers
rather than simply uprooting them. Some weeds, like chickweed, can be great
litmus tests for whether your garden soil is fertile. Rabbits are attracted to
clover, while butterflies and other insects will flock to dandelions because of
their colour and fragrance. If you want to cultivate a wild garden with lots of
animals in it, keep the weeds around.
6. Snow
Far from simply shoveling it away during the cold
winter months, you might actually want to keep snow around in your garden. Snow
can act as a fantastic insulator and can help to keep your plants warm; it
packs in around them and protects them from the frigid air around them. When
snow melts, thanks to chemicals it picks up in the air, it can also act as a
great fertiliser. There are drawbacks to snow – it can weigh down plants and it
isn’t great for evergreens – but it can be more helpful than you know.
7. Insects
Again, your first instinct upon seeing insects in your garden may well be to get rid of them, but to do so would be to make a mistake. The fact is that there are a lot of beneficial insects that do great work in your garden, so getting rid of them would mean more harm than good. These insects include hoverflies (excellent for ridding you of aphids), ladybirds (carnivorous), and butterflies (great pollinators). Think about what you’re doing before you call in the pest control people.
8. Maintenance
You’d be amazed how many people seem to think they can simply plant a garden, edge the lawn, and then let nature take its course. The fact is that if you want to maintain a great-looking garden then you’re going to need to put in quite a lot of work to keep it looking good. That means regular watering and trimming of plants, re-edging lawns if they need it, and sweeps for pests and other problems. Don’t simply leave your garden alone because you think you’re “done”.
We all want more. As soon as we hit a goal, we want the next goal. We want the latest tech. I’m enticed by new books or magazines when my Kindle is full. Or a new course before I finished the last one.
New gives us that dopamine hit which we like. That new shirt, new decor, new gadget. It doesn’t have to be new – only new to us
We all want more. As soon as we hit a goal, we want the next goal. We want the latest tech. I’m enticed by new books or magazines when my Kindle is full. Or a new course before I finished the last one.
New gives us that dopamine hit which we like. That new shirt, new decor, new gadget. It doesn’t have to be new – only new to us. I know people that spend every weekend on the hunt at garage sales or antique shops.
What if we got that burst of happiness, by making our lives into art. Using what we have, but re-arranging it. Slowing down to set a beautiful table and turn on music. Puttering. Taking care of our garden.
The problem is everything we bring into the house, needs to be maintained. We need to clean it, organize it, use it. If not, you end up with clutter. Mementos get strewn around in the basement and decay. Books stay on shelves unread and dusty. We can’t find a place for the latest thing we had to have so it’s stuck in a corner for now.
It’s hard to live a life of beauty and presence when we are surrounded by stuff. If we can’t maintain what we have, bringing more will not make our lives better.
The details create your life. A clean space for a vase of flowers. Journaling by the fire in the morning. A beautiful pen and thankful heart as we pay bills.
In a rush of more, we have less time to write a note to a family member. We recently had a funeral for a woman who was like a Grandma to me. Her relatives talked about getting letters from her and her request for “good mail.” It’s the little everyday things that matter and are remembered.
But, the struggle to work more, for more money, to buy more stuff, which takes time to take care of, leaves us with less time and room to make art out of our lives. If we pare down what we own and what we do, we have time not only to maintain, but to beautify. To enhance. To make our mark.
I love to polish my piano which used to be my Great-Grandma’s. It’s the only thing of hers I have besides pictures. It’s enough.
It’s hard to set a lovely table if it has a bunch of papers on it. The fridge can get so full, that food spoils. Too much makeup and getting ready in the morning becomes less enjoyable.
Take a moment to look over your life. How well are you maintaining what you have? Are your possessions getting regular care? How about your relationships? Are your books getting read and courses learned? Do you have the time to create beautiful or restful moments?
I know some times of life are more hectic than others, but if you noticed that this has become a habit how can you do and buy less? Can you think about where something will fit in your life before you buy? Can you finish that book, course or craft project before buying more? (You can keep a wish list to keep track of what you want, so you don’t have to buy at once. Who knows, after you think about it maybe you won’t want it anymore.)
Society will always lure us with why we need more. But, we know we can create our own beautiful life, by curating what’s important, having less and gracefully taking care of the moments of our lives.
Many of us feel under constant pressure. Stressed, busy, and overwhelmed. Almost everyone we meet is, as well. We read about it on social media. Text our friends about it.
Some of us have major difficulties – financial, health, loss.
But, many of us have made small, normal setbacks and deadlines into huge, stressful things. When we think of to do lists, it’s always too much. We don’t think we have time. Plus we are sure we aren’t enough. We feel the tightness in our chest and feel queasy in the stomach.
Much of this stress is self-imposed by our expectations and what we tell ourselves.
When you look at your to do list are you seeing all the actions you gratefully get to do because you have a job, or health or family? Or are you filled with dread because you are telling yourself it all has to get done today and done perfectly.
One thing when we look at our to do list is to notice not everything has to be done today. Maybe we’d feel better about ourselves if we got it all done (hello, ego). But, pushing it out another day or two may not do anything terrible.
Most of the tasks on your to do list aren’t things that don’t impact your life or the business you are in. (If you have a bunch of those on your list, maybe ask why.) So instead of looking at tasks on your list, think about the bigger picture, the goals, the values, the gratitudes these mean.
I get to talk to my Declutter Group because I have my own business and work from home and get to help others. I am calling the doctor because I have a prescription that works for me. Plus I value health. I need to do my monthly financials because I made an income and I received some great services I paid for. I also want to live in financial integrity.
What if instead of saying, “I’m busy,” when asked how you are, you say, “I am happily productive.” Or, “I am pursuing my goals.” What would feel freer to you to say instead?
Think of yourself as having a richly layered life instead of one full of pressure and busyness. We can look at our full lives with joy or see them as burdens.
Most things are not a 10 on the ‘need to worry about this’ list. But, because of constant self-pressure we start seeing every little thing as a 10. That’s when life starts to feel super hard.
How stressed do you get when life doesn’t flow smoothly? There is traffic? Something breaks? Stuff that happens to everyone in a normal life. Do you get testy often with your family? Do you say, “I just can’t handle one more thing.”
We need to break out of that. Give ourselves and others grace when mistakes are made. Ask for deadline extensions. Meditate before or after work to remind you that your thoughts aren’t necessarily correct. Ask if your stressful thoughts are helpful or could you think about something another way. Walk in nature. Breathe. Give yourself extra space and extra time. Move slower. Do a less than perfect job purposefully on something that doesn’t matter that much.
Be the one person you know that isn’t crazy busy. Or at least think of yourself as less busy and more blessed.
Autumn is a breeze that asks if you want a jacket. An apple covered in caramel and fudge that crunches when you bite into it. A drive to see leaves of different colors where the trees create a canopy over the road.
It’s a resurgence of energy and wanting to learn. For hikes without mosquitoes in boots instead of sandals.
It’s the soft green jacket coming out. Fires mornings and evenings on the weekend. Colorful mums on the porch.
Fall is the bright harvest moon. Autumn is warm cider and reading. It’s the dying away of pink summer flowers. Harvest of tomatoes and corn.
Fall is my birthday season – a time to dream and plan. TV shows with old friends come back on. Motorcycle rides where we are surprised by color.
It’s saying goodbye to weekly excursions to the beach and hello to cooler evening walks.
I’ve been reading the book Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport. I had been concerned about the affects of so much distraction and connection. But, you know, for other people. Certainly not me.
I worried about losing deep thought as we are fed things that may or may not be true by the media and social media designed to get a reaction to get views and shares. It seems people fall into their camps on whatever issue without looking at the other side, without noticing the manipulation of feelings. What do you think of a liberal? What do you think of a conservative? What if it wasn’t true? Have you even checked? Have you had live conversations where you didn’t want to push your view, but you wanted to understand?
With no quiet for thinking, everyone is spurting out talking points fed to them from whatever media they consume. Which comes in rapid fire with one “outrage” after another.
And of course all the gatherings where people are sitting around looking at their phones or in restaurants or at the playground. You talk to someone and you can feel them pulling away when they want to “quick check” their phone.
Plus, I often see (in myself as well) using multiple technologies at once. Watching TV while playing on the tablet while texting. Half watching a video while emailing. Reading an ebook only to jump to an app that pinged.
We used to spend way less time interacting with our phones and playing on our tablets. The technology was created to be addictive and it is. If we aren’t aware, we can easily get sucked in.
Newport says digital minimalism is focusing “online time on a small number of carefully selected and optimized activities that strongly support things you value and then happily miss out on everything else.” He suggests asking is this the technology to support this value best?
The stats were not comforting. He says kids born after 1995 are more anxious than past generations. Part of this is the lack of solitude and constant online comparisons.
The average Facebook user uses some form of Facebook 50 min a day. There is an app called Moment that tracks cell phone use. The average user spends about 3 hours a day looking at their smartphone screen and picks up their phone 39 times a day. And these are people trying to slow down their use.
A digital fast from optimal technologies is what Newport suggests, replacing it with meaningful activities like solitude, journaling, music, learning new skills, meditating, and actual conversations.
It turns out, this is more difficult than anticipated. I am starting over today after somehow going down the Facebook/news rabbit hole yesterday after being off them a week except for business.
“I am waiting for a video to download so I might as well peek at the news.” “That news article is taking awhile to load, let me look at Facebook.” Then I am getting angry with nice people being completely close-minded and separating from each other. Back to the news which is trying to get me angry and succeeding.
Only then did I remember the digital fast. Oh yes, I am supposed to be allowing space as I wait instead of filling it immediately. I am seeing what life would be without reading everything, playing every game, or allowing every input that comes my way.
I’m sure everyone thinks it’s other people who have the problem with technology. We usually have a blind spot to our own. Not sure? Try the 30 day digital fast on unnecessary technologies and see.
Besides the fast he suggests some other ideas:
Carefully select, based on what is important to you, newsletters, blogs, social media, news services (preferably a curated one like allsides.com)
Cull people you follow on social media to a reasonable amount (the suggestion was 150 people)
Have a curfew for your phone
Spend time daily without technology
Batch text messages
Reclaim your leisure with something other than technology like outdoor projects, exercise, reading, writing, playing an instrument, swimming, crafting, classes, board games, fixing, building, learning, joining.
Delete social media from your phone and only use it on the computer
Be mindful with news and realize news 24 hours after the fact is more complete. Read from the opposite of what you naturally support.
Choose when you use technology. Put limits on.
In general, be mindful and conscious with your technology. Don’t follow every ping (in fact turn notifications off.) Limit the blogs you read, people you follow, and game apps you have. Take your life off line sometimes. Don’t allow everyone else to tell you what to think. Contemplate. Let’s see if we can do things like laundry, eating and going to the bathroom without a digital distraction.
If you try the digital fast, I’d love to hear about it in the comments. And if you have any tips on reducing technology use you can put those there as well.
Remember we are in charge of our technology. Let’s act like it.
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