I recently asked for questions I could help you with and received this one that I think is very common:

How do YOU handle (or how do you recommend other people handle) the guilt from other people when decluttering?

You know the ugly ceramic from your sister-in-law or a birthday gift you will never use. A sweet gift from a spouse. How do you declutter without hurting feelings?

And let’s not forget the relative that is always giving you something from a distant relation and laying on the guilt about receiving it and keeping it.

This is the kind of scenario that happens all throughout our lives. Wanting to have autonomy on our homes and our lives and having well-meaning people we don’t want to hurt, interfere.

One thing to remember, is that guilting someone is a form of manipulation to get someone to do what you want. Most parents or grandparents have done it at some point with their kids and/or grandkids.

But, as adults we don’t have to buy into it. At some point we need to take ownership of our choices included keeping something because we were made to feel guilty or refusing and feeling badly.

What are some ways of refusing gently?

Perhaps, “Wow this is wonderful. I wonder if the local historical museum would enjoy it so more people can see it. “

or, “Thanks so much for thinking of me, but I have been trying to declutter. I don’t have enough space for our stuff, much less other’s people’s things. I’m sure you understand.”

“Wow, Aunt Marilyn had great taste. Unfortunately it’s not my taste. It deserves to be shown and I would just hide it in a box. Who else do you think might like it?”

“I love you so much and am happy you want to keep memories alive. But, I don’t have the room to be a historian. What else can we do with it?”

What if you already have it and think they might visit?

This is up to you. If you know for sure it would hurt their feelings and you just can’t, put it away until they come over.

But, I think most of us are adult enough to know that not everything we give is a perfect fit. We try, but it doesn’t always work.

I can’t recall things I have given, so I wouldn’t even notice if something was out or not. I’m sure there are a lot of people that way.

If someone does notice, you might have to gently explain why you had to let it go (not enough room, moved on from that hobby, someone else asked about it and really wanted it). It’s not something wrong you did. You just didn’t keep something you didn’t want in your space.

Some people may get terribly offended. You know who they are. That’s why you get to use your discernment to see if it’s better to keep something or allow someone to be offended.

There is a choice. We may not want to make it. But, that’s how we create the lives we want. With the choices we make. Sometimes you will end up disappointing someone or hurting someone’s feelings if you are creating your life with your choices.

We also don’t get to choose how other people re-act. So think if you want to live your life basing your choices on hopefully never offending or hurting someone’s feelings or in the way your soul is actually leading you.

In a normal life, unfortunately, you will disappoint someone or make someone mad or offend someone if you try to live a simpler, soul-driven life. But, the alternative is to tip-toe through life, never making waves (and limiting your impact on the world). Be kind always. But, that doesn’t mean you need to bring other people’s guilting into yourself.

Be kind. Be loving. And start noticing how many times you trade “being nice” for living how you choose. Too often and you start living other people’s lives instead of your own.

Need some support in letting go and dealing with other people in the midst of it? Join the Declutter Group.

A quick note to let you know the 2019 Declutter Calendar is done. If you are on the Weekly Simplicity list it was emailed already. If you aren’t on the list you can get it here.

Last day of the desk clean-up. How is your desk? I’d love to see before and after pix if you are willing to share.

Here is the worksheet if you haven’t gotten it yet.

Today is desk drawers, spraying down your desktop, doing the last things, making a self-care basket and finally congratulating yourself and actually looking at your clean desk.

Here is the whole series if you missed a day:

Day 1

Day 2

Day 3

Day 4

If you want to do more decluttering, join up with the Declutter Group starting Oct. 1.

How is your desk looking? Did you miss some days? You can start again after Day 5.

And if you have been decluttering your desk, you must be feeling really good about your progress. Things don’t have to be perfect to have progress. Don’t let yourself feel badly if things aren’t done “exactly right.”

Today we are going through project files, cubbies and boxes and bulletin boars/whiteboards.

My Bulletin Board before and after.

Here is the worksheet if you haven’t gotten it yet.

Welcome back! It’s Day 3!

I am feeling motivated to keep my desk cleaner since I know you are all working with me.

Take a look at any progress you made so far.

Today we are filing, shredding, labeling cords and going through notebooks.

Below is the worksheet if you haven’t downloaded it yet.

======> Download the 5-Day Desk-Cleanup Worksheet <===========
When you are all done post in the comments for accountability.

If you want to go deeper into sorting papers, here is a video of my living room paper sort method:

https://youtu.be/iKlLDWLLAKc

September 24 is National Innergize Day. This is a day to relax, reflect and rejuvenate yourself, focusing on your inner well-being.

One way to innergize is to create and use a space for your relaxation. We’ve been talking about decluttering and one reason to declutter is to make room for nurturing spaces. Too much of our homes hold objects from the past or “what if I need this” futures. We need places for your current self to enjoy and be renewed.

How to Create a Cozy Retreat

• Find a Space. What area of your home tends to calm you or you can picture it calming you? It can be a corner, a room, an alcove, part of a guest bedroom, a closet, or even the bathroom.
• Declutter the area. Don’t know where to begin? Start at the doorway then keep going left as you declutter. Remove anything that doesn’t say relaxation to you. You want to keep objects that bring you peace. A more minimal room opens up space to create your cozy haven and allows your mind to relax more.
• Color. Do you have soothing colors here? Perhaps a peaceful blue, green, grey or lavender? What color for you signals that it is time to let go? You don’t have to re-paint if you don’t want to, but bring in some decorations, furniture or comforts in that color.
• Furniture. Creating a peaceful and nourishing environment to relax is important in relieving stress. Incorporate comfortable and supportive furnishings to help you unwind. Have a chair that is easy to read in for your favorite reading position. Perhaps a nice ottoman or foot stool. Do you have room for a couch? You might need storage solutions. Think about what you need to make this space support you.
• Natural, relaxing lighting. The blue light of most LED or fluorescent bulbs can agitate your system. So, try a full spectrum light bulb here. Sometimes you can enjoy sitting in candlelight, maybe with warm tea, so have candles nearby. Also, if you will be reading in the evening you can use Red Night Glasses to block out blue light and make it easier to transition to sleep.
• Decorations. Do you have any memorabilia, pictures or photos that make you feel good you would like to display? Perhaps a salt lamp has the ambient light you want. Include just a few soothing, happy decorations. You don’t want to re-clutter here.
• Music and white noise. Music settles the soul quicker than most things. So make sure you have a way to listen – a CD player, an iPod/iPhone speaker system, a vintage record player. How do you like to listen to music? You can also have soothing sounds from a white noise or nature sound machine/alarm system. I use Homedics White Noise Portable Sound Machine. There are many phone apps that have meditative music or nature sounds so you can take your restful place with you. You can create a relaxation playlist for when you are in your retreat place.
• Aromatherapy. Your sense of smell is primal and can have a powerful effect on how you feel about a space. Some of the most relaxing essential oil scents are chamomile, clary sage, lavender, rose and ylang ylang. You can use these scents in a variety of ways. I use a this portable diffuser. You can also use a carrier oil like jojoba oil and a few drops to massage into the skin. Before I got my diffuser I would put some drops of oil on cotton balls nearby. If your relax space is in the bathroom you can put 5 drops or so in your bath. You can use a spritzer to combine water and about 10 drops of oil. Keep a basket of your essential oil supplies in your area.
• Touch. We’ve talked about what we see, hear and smell in a relaxing space. How about what you touch? A cozy blanket. Warm slippers. Massage lotion to rub your feet. A Back Buddy or other massage tool. A foot bath. A yoga mat. Bring at least one thing into your space that nurtures your sense of touch.
• Nature. I adore walks in nature for reconnecting to the soul so I try to bring the natural world back into any relaxation space. It can be a window with bird feeders outside. Or a shelf of stones and shells. Flowers from the farmer’s market. Green plants. Pinecones from walks. Driftwood from the beach. Where can you add nature?
• Books. What are some of your favorite childhood books? Perhaps there are books with relaxation tips you own. Do you have a yoga book or a spiritual book that feels like coming home? Include a shelf of books, hide them in a pretty bag or have a couple stacked somewhere or in between fantastic bookends.
• Spiritual. Find space for whatever spiritual practice you have or want to have. Maybe a meditation cushion, prayer journal, mala beads, or a gratitude list.
• Creative. Some people like to relax with art. Do you have a table you can set up for coloring, watercolor painting, drawing, scrapbooking, etc.? You can have a box or storage unit with a few supplies. This isn’t necessarily a craft room which can be an overwhelming place. It’s a spot to dabble in your art if that calls to you.

You don’t need to use all these suggestions. You will want to include what nurtures you in your space. It will also depend on how big an area you have. You don’t want an overwhelming, cluttered space.

What one thing can you do today to create a cozy retreat place for you? Then schedule time to enjoy your haven.

Welcome to Day 2 of the Desk Cleanup!

How is your desk looking today? A little better? I want you to acknowledge any improvement to motivate you for today. You are in charge of your space, so let’s get to it.

Today we are going to declutter and organize those desk supplies, go through CDS and computer programs and get all your papers into an in-box to sort.

Below is the step-by step worksheet if you haven’t downloaded it yet.

======> Download the 5-Day Desk-Cleanup Worksheet <===========

When you are all done post in the comments here for accountability.

Together we can do this!

I’m excited to see you back here tomorrow.

Welcome to Day 1 of the 5-Day Desk Clean Up…are you ready?

I know desks are a big pain to keep clean. Yes, that is a before picture of my desk a couple years ago. But, it still gets that way sometimes.

First, I want to say that you don’t have to have a clean and organized desk. If you work best in mess, than that is fine. Or you can clean up during this challenge, but not push yourself to perfectionism. I will never have a minimalist desk because I find them boring. I like inspirational cork boards, salt lamps and a bunch of different colored pens.

The only reason to declutter and organize your desk, is if it is hindering your work. If you can’t find things, the space is making you feel heavy and claustrophobic, or papers are getting lost it may be time to take care of it.

Here’s a fun playlist for while you work.
www.youtube.com/watch…

======> Download the 5-Day Office-Cleanup Worksheet <===========

Today we will be working on trash and books.

When you are all done post here for accountability!

I can’t wait to see your decluttered desks in 5 days! You are fantastic!

I am a voracious reader and have been reading magazines since I was a child with my Nat Geo for kids.

So when I found out I could get free magazines on my Kindle because I am an Amazon Prime member, I was giddy. No paper! No clutter! Tons of information (see my Information Reduction Plan).

I started reading magazines on cooking, health, women’s interest, fashion crafts and anything else that was out. I had canceled most of my paper magazines as I didn’t want the clutter. Currently I just have Reader’s Digest that my Grandma gets me and my husband & I enjoy.

I would read magazines at night before bed or in downtime. Then I started noticing how they were making me feel. I was feeling not good enough about my weight, my home, my cooking.

Each magazine included tons of projects that I didn’t have time to complete and that made me feel badly as well. I wasn’t going to make that recipe, do that 30-day fitness challenge or make that paper craft. But, I felt I should. It’s interesting. I may even want to do it. But, I have lots of other things I want to do that weren’t dictated to me by a magazine.

There was the time I was using the pick out a magazine to read and all the reading time for things I don’t intend to do.

Plus, with all the advertisements I was enticed to buy things I didn’t need like expensive face cream or the latest home gadget.

I decided no more magazines besides Reader’s Digest.

I want to read things that are helpful and deep. I don’t need someone living on one of the coasts telling me what should be important to me.

I feel freer already.

I wrote how getting a new TV spurns more projects and the projects kept growing. One project it led to was creating an exercise room. The living room was looking so streamlined and serene after the extra decluttering from removing the entertainment center, that I no longer liked my exercise stuff there.

I’ve had my exercise things in the living room because I didn’t want to wake my daughter during my early morning movement. But, she moved out in December so it was a perfect time to create the exercise room. I had been exercising upstairs anyway, but most of my equipment was in the living room.

It’s really more like exercise part of an area upstairs rather than a room. It’s in an area that connects the three bedrooms upstairs. It also houses cat toys, a craft table, the DVD and CDs and a computer.

1) The first thing I did was bring my weights upstairs and put them under the craft table. That was exercise in itself.

2) I keep my yoga mat out so I can do a little yoga before bed or throughout the day, not just morning.

3) On the computer desk I put some fitness books plus pilates and yoga cards. I decluttered my exercise accordion folder with exercises ripped from magazines categorized by what type of exercise ie upper, full body, cardio, yoga, etc. On my computer I bookmarked Yoga with Adriene and BeFit in YouTube along with a couple courses I bought from Daily OM.

4) Next to bring upstairs were my dance DVDs, Zumba, P90x and other exercise DVDs.  I got rid of the last few VHS tapes as our tape player no longer works, to make room for them in our DVD movies/CD collection.

5) I found a shoebox for my bands and put that under the craft table as well.

I don’t have any big equipment like treadmills or ellipticals. I know myself and would get bored with them too fast. But, I would have room if moved the yoga mat. I do much of my cardio outside with walking, hiking, swimming and Groove classes. Your exercise room or area would have what you love to do for exercise.

One of the first things I do in the morning is exercise, so now I have it all in one space. I have been re-invigorated by equipment and DVDs I had forgotten about. I love having my yoga mat out all the time.

Is this a beautiful and fancy room? No, but it’s functional and has a fan. It helps me exercise more. I am very happy with my new space.

What have you been wanting to do more of in your life? Do you have a space for it?

Want motivation to start and complete that project? Join the next Project class.