I was at a family dinner one weekend. Some of my relatives were having a hard time figuring out what I do.

“People pay you to help them finish their project?” “Don’t you just say Just Do It?”

I come from a family of people that, “Just do it.”

I am not one of them. I explained that not everyone can just do it. Some people are like me, and we need to get into good mindsets and set up systems so it’s easier to do.

A lot of us have more limited energy, so we need to focus. And sometimes support in that.

Some of us procrastinated and never finish anything without accountability. I always have an accountability partner and enjoy being other people’s accountability.

I had to learn skills because I am more of an imaginative flake then a self-motivated doer.

I figured others might want to learn these skills with gentle encouragement.

People say they get so much more done in one of my classes or in coaching because of the accountability, new skills and the self-compassion I teach.

So to all of you that can’t, “Just Do It,” you are not alone. We are just wired differently.

***

If you need some encouragement and support with decluttering, my most popular class, the Declutter Group starts January 20, 2020.

We all want more. As soon as we hit a goal, we want the next goal. We want the latest tech. I’m enticed by new books or magazines when my Kindle is full. Or a new course before I finished the last one.

New gives us that dopamine hit which we like. That new shirt, new decor, new gadget. It doesn’t have to be new – only new to us

We all want more. As soon as we hit a goal, we want the next goal. We want the latest tech. I’m enticed by new books or magazines when my Kindle is full. Or a new course before I finished the last one.

New gives us that dopamine hit which we like. That new shirt, new decor, new gadget. It doesn’t have to be new – only new to us. I know people that spend every weekend on the hunt at garage sales or antique shops.

What if we got that burst of happiness, by making our lives into art. Using what we have, but re-arranging it. Slowing down to set a beautiful table and turn on music. Puttering. Taking care of our garden.

The problem is everything we bring into the house, needs to be maintained. We need to clean it, organize it, use it. If not, you end up with clutter. Mementos get strewn around in the basement and decay. Books stay on shelves unread and dusty. We can’t find a place for the latest thing we had to have so it’s stuck in a corner for now.

It’s hard to live a life of beauty and presence when we are surrounded by stuff. If we can’t maintain what we have, bringing more will not make our lives better.

The details create your life. A clean space for a vase of flowers. Journaling by the fire in the morning. A beautiful pen and thankful heart as we pay bills.

In a rush of more, we have less time to write a note to a family member. We recently had a funeral for a woman who was like a Grandma to me. Her relatives talked about getting letters from her and her request for “good mail.” It’s the little everyday things that matter and are remembered.

But, the struggle to work more, for more money, to buy more stuff, which takes time to take care of, leaves us with less time and room to make art out of our lives. If we pare down what we own and what we do, we have time not only to maintain, but to beautify. To enhance. To make our mark.

I love to polish my piano which used to be my Great-Grandma’s. It’s the only thing of hers I have besides pictures. It’s enough.

It’s hard to set a lovely table if it has a bunch of papers on it. The fridge can get so full, that food spoils. Too much makeup and getting ready in the morning becomes less enjoyable.

Take a moment to look over your life. How well are you maintaining what you have? Are your possessions getting regular care? How about your relationships? Are your books getting read and courses learned? Do you have the time to create beautiful or restful moments?

I know some times of life are more hectic than others, but if you noticed that this has become a habit how can you do and buy less? Can you think about where something will fit in your life before you buy? Can you finish that book, course or craft project before buying more? (You can keep a wish list to keep track of what you want, so you don’t have to buy at once. Who knows, after you think about it maybe you won’t want it anymore.)

Society will always lure us with why we need more. But, we know we can create our own beautiful life, by curating what’s important, having less and gracefully taking care of the moments of our lives.

***

Photo by Oshin Khandelwal on Unsplash

If you didn’t know, I often post today’s declutter action step from the Declutter Calendar on the My Simpler Life Facebook Page. This past week I posted, “Declutter china you don’t use”.

This was actually quite controversial. Some people said you should use it instead. I love that idea of using your beautiful things. Someone else said she wouldn’t use it as it’s not her style.

One person said they were unfollowing? In jest, I’m not sure.

Quite a few people said they feel they should, but can’t bring themselves to do it. I think china often falls under sentimental items. You can deal with it the way you would other items like that. Decide how much of your home you want to use to store or display the past, and curate what you keep. Almost everyone has sentimental items. If you want to keep your china – go for it.

I love when you are able to display or at least store carefully the sentimental items. Too often they end up gathering dust, getting broken or not easily found. So if you keep your china or other sentimental items decide what you will do with them.

I always consider the Declutter Calendar as a guide. If you don’t know what to declutter today, look at the calendar and get a nudge. You never, ever have to declutter what’s on that day or anything else. We can’t know what’s important or useful for another person.

Your home is your home and you get to choose what is part of it.

Before

When my Mom passed away, I inherited her card collection. She was considered a card lady – never missed a birthday, congratulations, condolence or get well soon.

I have been sending more cards since her death as a reminder of her caring.

But, the rolling cart that stored cards was quite cluttered and messy. So, when “rolling cart” came up in the Declutter Calendar I decided it was a great time to handle it.

I got rid of a box of unmatched envelopes, a couple old notebooks, and some miscellaneous clutter that didn’t belong there to begin with.

After

P.S. Lent is March 6th if you are interested in my Simplifying for Lent $1.99 guide.

I recently asked for questions I could help you with and received this one that I think is very common:

How do YOU handle (or how do you recommend other people handle) the guilt from other people when decluttering?

You know the ugly ceramic from your sister-in-law or a birthday gift you will never use. A sweet gift from a spouse. How do you declutter without hurting feelings?

And let’s not forget the relative that is always giving you something from a distant relation and laying on the guilt about receiving it and keeping it.

This is the kind of scenario that happens all throughout our lives. Wanting to have autonomy on our homes and our lives and having well-meaning people we don’t want to hurt, interfere.

One thing to remember, is that guilting someone is a form of manipulation to get someone to do what you want. Most parents or grandparents have done it at some point with their kids and/or grandkids.

But, as adults we don’t have to buy into it. At some point we need to take ownership of our choices included keeping something because we were made to feel guilty or refusing and feeling badly.

What are some ways of refusing gently?

Perhaps, “Wow this is wonderful. I wonder if the local historical museum would enjoy it so more people can see it. “

or, “Thanks so much for thinking of me, but I have been trying to declutter. I don’t have enough space for our stuff, much less other’s people’s things. I’m sure you understand.”

“Wow, Aunt Marilyn had great taste. Unfortunately it’s not my taste. It deserves to be shown and I would just hide it in a box. Who else do you think might like it?”

“I love you so much and am happy you want to keep memories alive. But, I don’t have the room to be a historian. What else can we do with it?”

What if you already have it and think they might visit?

This is up to you. If you know for sure it would hurt their feelings and you just can’t, put it away until they come over.

But, I think most of us are adult enough to know that not everything we give is a perfect fit. We try, but it doesn’t always work.

I can’t recall things I have given, so I wouldn’t even notice if something was out or not. I’m sure there are a lot of people that way.

If someone does notice, you might have to gently explain why you had to let it go (not enough room, moved on from that hobby, someone else asked about it and really wanted it). It’s not something wrong you did. You just didn’t keep something you didn’t want in your space.

Some people may get terribly offended. You know who they are. That’s why you get to use your discernment to see if it’s better to keep something or allow someone to be offended.

There is a choice. We may not want to make it. But, that’s how we create the lives we want. With the choices we make. Sometimes you will end up disappointing someone or hurting someone’s feelings if you are creating your life with your choices.

We also don’t get to choose how other people re-act. So think if you want to live your life basing your choices on hopefully never offending or hurting someone’s feelings or in the way your soul is actually leading you.

In a normal life, unfortunately, you will disappoint someone or make someone mad or offend someone if you try to live a simpler, soul-driven life. But, the alternative is to tip-toe through life, never making waves (and limiting your impact on the world). Be kind always. But, that doesn’t mean you need to bring other people’s guilting into yourself.

Be kind. Be loving. And start noticing how many times you trade “being nice” for living how you choose. Too often and you start living other people’s lives instead of your own.

Need some support in letting go and dealing with other people in the midst of it? Join the Declutter Group.

A quick note to let you know the 2019 Declutter Calendar is done. If you are on the Weekly Simplicity list it was emailed already. If you aren’t on the list you can get it here.

Last day of the desk clean-up. How is your desk? I’d love to see before and after pix if you are willing to share.

Here is the worksheet if you haven’t gotten it yet.

Today is desk drawers, spraying down your desktop, doing the last things, making a self-care basket and finally congratulating yourself and actually looking at your clean desk.

Here is the whole series if you missed a day:

Day 1

Day 2

Day 3

Day 4

If you want to do more decluttering, join up with the Declutter Group.

How is your desk looking? Did you miss some days? You can start again after Day 5.

And if you have been decluttering your desk, you must be feeling really good about your progress. Things don’t have to be perfect to have progress. Don’t let yourself feel badly if things aren’t done “exactly right.”

Today we are going through project files, cubbies and boxes and bulletin boars/whiteboards.

My Bulletin Board before and after.

Here is the worksheet if you haven’t gotten it yet.

Welcome back! It’s Day 3!

I am feeling motivated to keep my desk cleaner since I know you are all working with me.

Take a look at any progress you made so far.

Today we are filing, shredding, labeling cords and going through notebooks.

Below is the worksheet if you haven’t downloaded it yet.

======> Download the 5-Day Desk-Cleanup Worksheet <===========
When you are all done post in the comments for accountability.

If you want to go deeper into sorting papers, here is a video of my living room paper sort method:

https://youtu.be/iKlLDWLLAKc

September 24 is National Innergize Day. This is a day to relax, reflect and rejuvenate yourself, focusing on your inner well-being.

One way to innergize is to create and use a space for your relaxation. We’ve been talking about decluttering and one reason to declutter is to make room for nurturing spaces. Too much of our homes hold objects from the past or “what if I need this” futures. We need places for your current self to enjoy and be renewed.

How to Create a Cozy Retreat

• Find a Space. What area of your home tends to calm you or you can picture it calming you? It can be a corner, a room, an alcove, part of a guest bedroom, a closet, or even the bathroom.
• Declutter the area. Don’t know where to begin? Start at the doorway then keep going left as you declutter. Remove anything that doesn’t say relaxation to you. You want to keep objects that bring you peace. A more minimal room opens up space to create your cozy haven and allows your mind to relax more.
• Color. Do you have soothing colors here? Perhaps a peaceful blue, green, grey or lavender? What color for you signals that it is time to let go? You don’t have to re-paint if you don’t want to, but bring in some decorations, furniture or comforts in that color.
• Furniture. Creating a peaceful and nourishing environment to relax is important in relieving stress. Incorporate comfortable and supportive furnishings to help you unwind. Have a chair that is easy to read in for your favorite reading position. Perhaps a nice ottoman or foot stool. Do you have room for a couch? You might need storage solutions. Think about what you need to make this space support you.
• Natural, relaxing lighting. The blue light of most LED or fluorescent bulbs can agitate your system. So, try a full spectrum light bulb here. Sometimes you can enjoy sitting in candlelight, maybe with warm tea, so have candles nearby. Also, if you will be reading in the evening you can use Red Night Glasses to block out blue light and make it easier to transition to sleep.
• Decorations. Do you have any memorabilia, pictures or photos that make you feel good you would like to display? Perhaps a salt lamp has the ambient light you want. Include just a few soothing, happy decorations. You don’t want to re-clutter here.
• Music and white noise. Music settles the soul quicker than most things. So make sure you have a way to listen – a CD player, an iPod/iPhone speaker system, a vintage record player. How do you like to listen to music? You can also have soothing sounds from a white noise or nature sound machine/alarm system. I use Homedics White Noise Portable Sound Machine. There are many phone apps that have meditative music or nature sounds so you can take your restful place with you. You can create a relaxation playlist for when you are in your retreat place.
• Aromatherapy. Your sense of smell is primal and can have a powerful effect on how you feel about a space. Some of the most relaxing essential oil scents are chamomile, clary sage, lavender, rose and ylang ylang. You can use these scents in a variety of ways. I use a this portable diffuser. You can also use a carrier oil like jojoba oil and a few drops to massage into the skin. Before I got my diffuser I would put some drops of oil on cotton balls nearby. If your relax space is in the bathroom you can put 5 drops or so in your bath. You can use a spritzer to combine water and about 10 drops of oil. Keep a basket of your essential oil supplies in your area.
• Touch. We’ve talked about what we see, hear and smell in a relaxing space. How about what you touch? A cozy blanket. Warm slippers. Massage lotion to rub your feet. A Back Buddy or other massage tool. A foot bath. A yoga mat. Bring at least one thing into your space that nurtures your sense of touch.
• Nature. I adore walks in nature for reconnecting to the soul so I try to bring the natural world back into any relaxation space. It can be a window with bird feeders outside. Or a shelf of stones and shells. Flowers from the farmer’s market. Green plants. Pinecones from walks. Driftwood from the beach. Where can you add nature?
• Books. What are some of your favorite childhood books? Perhaps there are books with relaxation tips you own. Do you have a yoga book or a spiritual book that feels like coming home? Include a shelf of books, hide them in a pretty bag or have a couple stacked somewhere or in between fantastic bookends.
• Spiritual. Find space for whatever spiritual practice you have or want to have. Maybe a meditation cushion, prayer journal, mala beads, or a gratitude list.
• Creative. Some people like to relax with art. Do you have a table you can set up for coloring, watercolor painting, drawing, scrapbooking, etc.? You can have a box or storage unit with a few supplies. This isn’t necessarily a craft room which can be an overwhelming place. It’s a spot to dabble in your art if that calls to you.

You don’t need to use all these suggestions. You will want to include what nurtures you in your space. It will also depend on how big an area you have. You don’t want an overwhelming, cluttered space.

What one thing can you do today to create a cozy retreat place for you? Then schedule time to enjoy your haven.