I am finishing up the declutter group and a comment came up that always comes up – “I feel so guilty for having spent money on that item so now I don’t want to declutter it.” Similar, “That object was so expensive, I feel guilty getting rid of it.”

The truth is at the time you bought something, you thought you needed it or at least wanted it. Going forward you are going to be clearer on your purchases and notice if something is a want or a need.

We think if we keep something that should be decluttered, we are confirming we made a good choice before. And you may have. But, at this point in time it has become clutter. Is it worth your space, your time or your bad feelings every time you see the possession to keep it?

Money doesn’t flow back into your pocket if you keep it. If you get rid of it, at least you have a tax deduction.

This is where self-compassion comes in again. If you are feeling guilty about spending money on something you no longer need, be gentle with yourself. Say, “You thought you needed it, but now you don’t and that is ok.” “You are noticing your pattern of buying things you don’t need. In the future I will…” “Stuff and money do not tell me my worth. I am worth more than holding onto clutter.”

Telling your guilt to a friend can also relieve some shame. And maybe they have a good place to bring it.

Don’t let guilt keep you cluttered.

I had a miserable, sick weekend and I had to stop my 30 Day of Yoga Challenge. (Creating the link, I noticed she calls it a journey. While I called it a challenge.)

So many challenges – 30 days of squats, 90 day whole foods challenge, 21 day meditation challenge and so on. That’s because challenges can work for certain people.

I love to try them out, but rarely make it to the end. But, this 30 days of yoga was going to be different. I had already made it to Day 24. Until I had stomach issues that yoga was not helping. I don’t need to bend and twist when my stomach is already knotted up.

Ahh! I felt frustrated for the days I did push through to do my yoga even when I didn’t want to. All the previous work was worth nothing because now I had failed the challenge. I had the, “See I never finish anything” self-talk. I wanted to quit even though I loved the yoga.

Time to re-frame. I was in charge, not a random challenge. It is something I want to do, not something outside myself making me do it. I can still continue even if I miss a day. I can do my yoga challenge two extra days. No big deal.

We don’t need perfectionism to smash our goals with our old stories of not finishing and never getting it right. We no longer need to be our patterns.

This goes for the Declutter Calendar, as well. I created it to simplify deciding what’s next in decluttering. Not as some strict piece of paper you have to adhere to or you are a bad person.

You don’t need to quit if you missed a day. Circle that day so you can complete when you a declutter day, you don’t have to do. (Yea, I don’t have anything above my stove, time to go back to Day 19.) Or do it next time it comes up on the calendar.

If you came in after January 1, start with today’s date and don’t try to catch up. Each day you do the calendar is progress. If you let perfectionism tell you to give up because you missed a day, remind your ego that the goal is a decluttered house – not a perfect checked off calendar.

Where is perfectionism suggesting you stop when you see a setback?

If you get my Weekly Simplicity Tips, you should have seen the 2020 Declutter Calendar. (If not, check your spam folder or promotions folder, then move my email to the inbox.)

If you aren’t on my list, you can get the calendar here: 2020 Declutter Calendar

Also, I have created a free Facebook group where we can declutter and simplify together. Go here and request to join if you’d like.

And finally, registration for the January 20th Declutter Group is now open if that is one of your 2020 goals.

I was at a family dinner one weekend. Some of my relatives were having a hard time figuring out what I do.

“People pay you to help them finish their project?” “Don’t you just say Just Do It?”

I come from a family of people that, “Just do it.”

I am not one of them. I explained that not everyone can just do it. Some people are like me, and we need to get into good mindsets and set up systems so it’s easier to do.

A lot of us have more limited energy, so we need to focus. And sometimes support in that.

Some of us procrastinated and never finish anything without accountability. I always have an accountability partner and enjoy being other people’s accountability.

I had to learn skills because I am more of an imaginative flake then a self-motivated doer.

I figured others might want to learn these skills with gentle encouragement.

People say they get so much more done in one of my classes or in coaching because of the accountability, new skills and the self-compassion I teach.

So to all of you that can’t, “Just Do It,” you are not alone. We are just wired differently.

***

If you need some encouragement and support with decluttering, my most popular class, the Declutter Group starts January 20, 2020.

We all want more. As soon as we hit a goal, we want the next goal. We want the latest tech. I’m enticed by new books or magazines when my Kindle is full. Or a new course before I finished the last one.

New gives us that dopamine hit which we like. That new shirt, new decor, new gadget. It doesn’t have to be new – only new to us

We all want more. As soon as we hit a goal, we want the next goal. We want the latest tech. I’m enticed by new books or magazines when my Kindle is full. Or a new course before I finished the last one.

New gives us that dopamine hit which we like. That new shirt, new decor, new gadget. It doesn’t have to be new – only new to us. I know people that spend every weekend on the hunt at garage sales or antique shops.

What if we got that burst of happiness, by making our lives into art. Using what we have, but re-arranging it. Slowing down to set a beautiful table and turn on music. Puttering. Taking care of our garden.

The problem is everything we bring into the house, needs to be maintained. We need to clean it, organize it, use it. If not, you end up with clutter. Mementos get strewn around in the basement and decay. Books stay on shelves unread and dusty. We can’t find a place for the latest thing we had to have so it’s stuck in a corner for now.

It’s hard to live a life of beauty and presence when we are surrounded by stuff. If we can’t maintain what we have, bringing more will not make our lives better.

The details create your life. A clean space for a vase of flowers. Journaling by the fire in the morning. A beautiful pen and thankful heart as we pay bills.

In a rush of more, we have less time to write a note to a family member. We recently had a funeral for a woman who was like a Grandma to me. Her relatives talked about getting letters from her and her request for “good mail.” It’s the little everyday things that matter and are remembered.

But, the struggle to work more, for more money, to buy more stuff, which takes time to take care of, leaves us with less time and room to make art out of our lives. If we pare down what we own and what we do, we have time not only to maintain, but to beautify. To enhance. To make our mark.

I love to polish my piano which used to be my Great-Grandma’s. It’s the only thing of hers I have besides pictures. It’s enough.

It’s hard to set a lovely table if it has a bunch of papers on it. The fridge can get so full, that food spoils. Too much makeup and getting ready in the morning becomes less enjoyable.

Take a moment to look over your life. How well are you maintaining what you have? Are your possessions getting regular care? How about your relationships? Are your books getting read and courses learned? Do you have the time to create beautiful or restful moments?

I know some times of life are more hectic than others, but if you noticed that this has become a habit how can you do and buy less? Can you think about where something will fit in your life before you buy? Can you finish that book, course or craft project before buying more? (You can keep a wish list to keep track of what you want, so you don’t have to buy at once. Who knows, after you think about it maybe you won’t want it anymore.)

Society will always lure us with why we need more. But, we know we can create our own beautiful life, by curating what’s important, having less and gracefully taking care of the moments of our lives.

***

Photo by Oshin Khandelwal on Unsplash

If you didn’t know, I often post today’s declutter action step from the Declutter Calendar on the My Simpler Life Facebook Page. This past week I posted, “Declutter china you don’t use”.

This was actually quite controversial. Some people said you should use it instead. I love that idea of using your beautiful things. Someone else said she wouldn’t use it as it’s not her style.

One person said they were unfollowing? In jest, I’m not sure.

Quite a few people said they feel they should, but can’t bring themselves to do it. I think china often falls under sentimental items. You can deal with it the way you would other items like that. Decide how much of your home you want to use to store or display the past, and curate what you keep. Almost everyone has sentimental items. If you want to keep your china – go for it.

I love when you are able to display or at least store carefully the sentimental items. Too often they end up gathering dust, getting broken or not easily found. So if you keep your china or other sentimental items decide what you will do with them.

I always consider the Declutter Calendar as a guide. If you don’t know what to declutter today, look at the calendar and get a nudge. You never, ever have to declutter what’s on that day or anything else. We can’t know what’s important or useful for another person.

Your home is your home and you get to choose what is part of it.

Before

When my Mom passed away, I inherited her card collection. She was considered a card lady – never missed a birthday, congratulations, condolence or get well soon.

I have been sending more cards since her death as a reminder of her caring.

But, the rolling cart that stored cards was quite cluttered and messy. So, when “rolling cart” came up in the Declutter Calendar I decided it was a great time to handle it.

I got rid of a box of unmatched envelopes, a couple old notebooks, and some miscellaneous clutter that didn’t belong there to begin with.

After

P.S. Lent is March 6th if you are interested in my Simplifying for Lent $1.99 guide.

I recently asked for questions I could help you with and received this one that I think is very common:

How do YOU handle (or how do you recommend other people handle) the guilt from other people when decluttering?

You know the ugly ceramic from your sister-in-law or a birthday gift you will never use. A sweet gift from a spouse. How do you declutter without hurting feelings?

And let’s not forget the relative that is always giving you something from a distant relation and laying on the guilt about receiving it and keeping it.

This is the kind of scenario that happens all throughout our lives. Wanting to have autonomy on our homes and our lives and having well-meaning people we don’t want to hurt, interfere.

One thing to remember, is that guilting someone is a form of manipulation to get someone to do what you want. Most parents or grandparents have done it at some point with their kids and/or grandkids.

But, as adults we don’t have to buy into it. At some point we need to take ownership of our choices included keeping something because we were made to feel guilty or refusing and feeling badly.

What are some ways of refusing gently?

Perhaps, “Wow this is wonderful. I wonder if the local historical museum would enjoy it so more people can see it. “

or, “Thanks so much for thinking of me, but I have been trying to declutter. I don’t have enough space for our stuff, much less other’s people’s things. I’m sure you understand.”

“Wow, Aunt Marilyn had great taste. Unfortunately it’s not my taste. It deserves to be shown and I would just hide it in a box. Who else do you think might like it?”

“I love you so much and am happy you want to keep memories alive. But, I don’t have the room to be a historian. What else can we do with it?”

What if you already have it and think they might visit?

This is up to you. If you know for sure it would hurt their feelings and you just can’t, put it away until they come over.

But, I think most of us are adult enough to know that not everything we give is a perfect fit. We try, but it doesn’t always work.

I can’t recall things I have given, so I wouldn’t even notice if something was out or not. I’m sure there are a lot of people that way.

If someone does notice, you might have to gently explain why you had to let it go (not enough room, moved on from that hobby, someone else asked about it and really wanted it). It’s not something wrong you did. You just didn’t keep something you didn’t want in your space.

Some people may get terribly offended. You know who they are. That’s why you get to use your discernment to see if it’s better to keep something or allow someone to be offended.

There is a choice. We may not want to make it. But, that’s how we create the lives we want. With the choices we make. Sometimes you will end up disappointing someone or hurting someone’s feelings if you are creating your life with your choices.

We also don’t get to choose how other people re-act. So think if you want to live your life basing your choices on hopefully never offending or hurting someone’s feelings or in the way your soul is actually leading you.

In a normal life, unfortunately, you will disappoint someone or make someone mad or offend someone if you try to live a simpler, soul-driven life. But, the alternative is to tip-toe through life, never making waves (and limiting your impact on the world). Be kind always. But, that doesn’t mean you need to bring other people’s guilting into yourself.

Be kind. Be loving. And start noticing how many times you trade “being nice” for living how you choose. Too often and you start living other people’s lives instead of your own.

Need some support in letting go and dealing with other people in the midst of it? Join the Declutter Group.

A quick note to let you know the 2019 Declutter Calendar is done. If you are on the Weekly Simplicity list it was emailed already. If you aren’t on the list you can get it here.

Last day of the desk clean-up. How is your desk? I’d love to see before and after pix if you are willing to share.

Here is the worksheet if you haven’t gotten it yet.

Today is desk drawers, spraying down your desktop, doing the last things, making a self-care basket and finally congratulating yourself and actually looking at your clean desk.

Here is the whole series if you missed a day:

Day 1

Day 2

Day 3

Day 4

If you want to do more decluttering, join up with the Declutter Group.