Some personalities are more inclined to flake out. I am one of those who has to create systems as prevention.

It seems more and more prevalent to make excuses. “I’m not feeling up to it.” “I know there was a deadline, but, I’ll get it done as soon as possible. I got overwhelmed.” “I know I’m late again. Traffic was ridiculous.” “I’m sorry I was supposed to help at the bake sale. I totally forgot.”

We are told we need to cut everyone slack. And most people do. They may say, “It’s no big deal”, but often resentment is building inside.

We all tend to get annoyed at people that never follow through with plans. But, most of us are in denial about how much we do it.

You may be sabotaging relationships and work opportunities with flaking out.

If you flake out a lot and feel you are disappointing people all the time, you may want to see why.

• Are you saying yes to things you really want to say no, too? Then flaking out at the last minute to get out of it? Don’t say yes, if you are dreading doing it.
• Have you over-committed yourself time-wise so you can’t actually do all the things you said yes to?
• Or made agreements, while forgetting your self-care and energy needs?
• Are you really afraid or anxious and that is why you want to bail?
• Is there something you are hiding from or not admitting?

Keeping your commitments is a basis of trust in any relationship. Once you commit to something, make every effort to follow through.

It also means – make less commitments. If you flake often, you are probably making too many commitments. Be very mindful as you say yes.

How to Quit Flaking Out

• Don’t say yes immediately. Take time. Look at your calendar. Are you overbooked?
• Have rules about how many evenings you’ll be out, which events you never attend, what things you will typically say no to so you have policies to fall back on as you make decisions.
• Set up systems like alarms to remind you to do things. As soon as you say yes, put it in your calendar and ask if there is anything you need to do before it happens like order flowers or pick up the suit from the dry cleaners. If you say you are going to pick up the milk, write it down and have an alarm set so you will do it.
• Confirm plans the day before so it is less likely either one of you will flake.
• Leave at least 10 minutes early for everything.
• Before you make an excuse to someone, check in with yourself. How can you fulfill your obligation? Show others you are considerate of their time and feelings. Not feeling like it, being tired, or overbooking yourself are not great excuses.
• Don’t text or Facebook an excuse. Actually call if you absolutely have to miss. Technology has made it too easy to break commitments.
• When you make an appointment, go to the appointment. Business people are paid for whom they serve. If you don’t show up, they don’t get paid.
• Stay for a little bit rather than not show up at all.

People are counting on you to do what you say you will do. So respect other people’s time and don’t bail on plans or decide at the last minute you can’t do something. We all have distractions and opportunities that make easy excuses. Be the person who shows up and is dependable, not just when it’s convenient.

Want to get better with time and energy? Join the Change Your Relationship to Time class.

Ever notice that some people have super busy schedules but they seem to float and flow in time? They’re rarely stressed. They are enjoying life.

And other people with the same schedules are tight, stressed and feeling overwhelmed?

That’s because schedules and not enough time are not the real reasons people are stressed. We like to think we are stressed because there isn’t enough time. That we think we can fix with better time management, being more organized or having a more efficient planner system and the latest apps.

Yet, much of the stress is because of your current relationship with time. The relationship is broken and uneasy.  Time feels like the enemy. We want to think linearly and productively. When there is energy, focus, emotions, beliefs to dig deep into to find your improved relationship with time.

Where are you with time?

If you are looking to change your relationship to time, check out my class.

I’ve shared my delightful evening routine before. I thought you might want to hear about the habits of the morning.

It’s rare that it is exactly the same each morning. I want to feel centered, connected and peaceful from my morning routine so I keep the feeling in my mind.

A) Brush teeth, water pik, lotion, lemon water after I feed the cat

B) Movement to help wake me up – yoga, dance, walk, weights, pilates

C) Read from one or two of my daily books

D) Decide on a theme/intention for the day

E) Meditate and/or journal on the intention or find a meditation based on the theme in my Insight Meditation app

F) Prayer and Gratitude

G) Sometimes I will do exercises from a course I’m taking or book I’m reading or watch something inspirational. Or do some emotional processing through writing, dancing, art.

H) Drink my smoothie – Right now I am going through Food Network’s 50 smoothies I wash last night’s snack dishes and my husband’s breakfast while it’s blending.

I always to A and B first and H last. But, in the middle things move around. They don’t all get done every day, except prayer. I will check in with myself to see what’s feeling most needed to reach calm and centered and do that first.

I used to do more housecleaning in the morning, but now I do most after dinner. My routine was much different when the kids were at home. Yours will be different depending on what life spot you are in right now.

How do you want your mornings to feel? What one thing can you do or not do to make you feel that way?

Would you like some guidance in creating and keeping routines? Please join the Habits and Rhythms class.

I used to be a terrible procrastinator and felt lethargically lazy.

But, I turned it around. Now I regularly get tasks that I used to procrastinate on done.

What was the biggest thing that turned me from procrastinator to being able to get things completed?

My speech and how I saw myself.

I noticed before doing many of the things I didn’t want to do, I would say things like, “This is going to be soooo hard (insert teenage whine)”, “This is going to take sooo long!” and “I hate doing this.” I’d pile on with how lazy and unorganized I was so of course I couldn’t do it. I’d tell myself all the reasons I should do it later.

By the time I was done, I had no energy left to do the work.

It was no wonder I couldn’t get the tasks done on time.

If all that whining made me lose energy then I needed to let it go. It sounds like it’s no big deal. Does it really matter if I complain about doing stuff? But, it affected me immensely.

So I quit.

Whenever I found myself using words like hard, no time, and lazy I’d stop myself. Now this took time since this was a many years ingrained pattern.

Then I upped it and added positive phrases like, “I can handle this.” “It will feel so great to have this done.” “I enjoy caring for my family with this task.” I started feeling more like a person that completed things.

Soon instead of whining and arguing with myself, I just did the tasks. Feeling lighter and happier in the process.

I have a project I haven’t touched in two weeks. Why? I don’t know. I have forgotten to ask.

One of the main reasons I don’t procrastinate as much as I used to, is that I’ve gotten into the habit of asking why.

We often know we are procrastinating. But, instead of getting to the bottom of it we make excuses like, “Well I’m just a procrastinator” or “I’m just lazy”.

Firmly held beliefs about yourself are usually easier to deal with than, “I don’t want to be judged harshly with the finished result, so I’ll do it last minute knowing it wasn’t my best work.” Or, “I’m scared I don’t know what I am doing.” Or, “I am overwhelmed by the scope of it.”

Instead of telling ourselves the truth we lie to ourselves when we only admit we procrastinate.

Until we get to the why, it’s harder to overcome procrastination.

Next time you realize you are procrastinating, ask yourself why?

Then you can talk back to your fear, ask for help, break down the project into smaller pieces or try making the task more fun.

***

You can find other ways to deal with Procrastination in my Procrastination eCourse or join the accountability group starting Nov. 1 and get the Procrastination eCourse included.

I was in a play this month. We’d been rehearsing since January and the last week before the play I spent most of the time at the theater 30 minutes away in good traffic. I would get home at 11:30pm amped up and awaken to work or sing in the choir at 7:30am. Oh yes, I sang two solos the weekend before the play and a solo the week after the play.

Time was crunched majorly. I still have a to do list of 32 things (31 after this blog post :).

But, I wasn’t really stressed. I kept reminding myself that it’s the thoughts about time that make me stressed, not time itself. I didn’t get everything done and I let myself be all right with that.

Last weekend we visited my Grandma, Mom, Sister and the kids. So this weekend I am playing catch up. And as it’s 7pm I have a feeling I am still not finishing the to do list.

We all assign meaning to not completing the to do list or not getting “enough” done or not reaching inbox zero for email. The good news is that you are the one that made the meaning. So now you can have it mean no big deal. We all have full lives and most people don’t reach the bottom of their to do list every day (or most days).

If you need some help with dealing with your thoughts and not-enoughness, my Change Your Relationship to Time class is coming up in June. I’d love all of you to feel more relaxed dealing with time.

Last week I lost internet for two days, had to bring the car into the shop and had to run errands in the middle of the work day with my daughter because she had to go to work in the afternoon. I started noticing it was taking even longer to get started to work and I wasn’t focusing as well as usual. In the evenings I was watching more TV and getting attached to screens.

I realized I was overwhelmed and trying to escape the huge to-do list brought on by less time to work than usual. I can get that way if I have too many projects going at once. Or it’s a busy time for work.

Once I noticed it I was able to do something about it. I started by clearing my desk and consolidating my to do list. I caught up on some emails. I marked my top 10 to-dos.

Then I asked myself,

“Will I feel more or less overwhelmed if I don’t do anything right now?”

I knew I would get further behind if I continued to procrastinate. I would feel more overwhelmed because more things would be added to the list while I am trying to get out of doing work.

I started on my list, making sure I took my breaks. I ended up working on Saturday as well to get caught up. But, Monday felt great.

If I was working every weekend, then I would need to look at how much work and information I was bringing in.

Are you procrastinating on something? Could you be feeling overwhelmed? Do you need to take a few minutes to clean up and prioritize? Do you need to break a project down further? Do you need to keep focused on your current work instead of think of all the things you still need to do?

You won’t feel less overwhelmed if you keep procrastinating, that’s for sure.

***

I have a $10 e-course to help tackle the different reasons for procrastination and how you can get out of from under. Get Things Done Procrastination eCourse.

Pix by woodleywonderworks

I find things fall through the cracks when I don’t use my calendar well. I use an electronic calendar because there are more events for me that I can copy and paste from email and online. Plus, I am able to have reminders go off so I will do things and not forget. And finally, it gives me more room to enter things. But, you can use whichever type of calendar works best for you. Here are some ideas for using a calendar:

• When you finish an action that requires a response, write “Follow up with H” or whomever, into the date you expect a response. So if I send a newsletter test to someone and know it needs to go out Friday, I put in my calendar to follow up Thursday to make sure I have approval.
• If there is a speaking engagement, training or some event that needs preparation, put in the calendar preparation time as you put the event in your calendar. So 3 weeks before book club I have, “Put book on hold at library”. 2 weeks before I have, “Start reading book club book”.
• For birthdays, weddings and other events, enter buy presents/make cards 2 weeks before. It pops up annually just like the actual date if you do a recurring event.
• When you get something you need to do by a certain date through email, put the email text into the calendar description. Whenever you get something that you are going to put in the calendar, ask, “What information I will need to do the task.” If you get an email saying call J with the phone number, add the phone number to the calendar so you won’t have to search later. If you have a webinar to attend, put the call in information right in the calendar post.
• To help in creating new habits put them in your calendar. Put decluttering into your calendar at 7pm or your best time so your “I forgot to do it” excuse flies out the window. Google Calendar has a goals addition to help schedule your goals. Learn more here.
• Add to your calendar recurring tasks you want to do like vacuuming the stairs, calling Grandma and paying bills. Come up with regular get-togethers with your friends.
• Make your next appointment (hair, doctor, massage) while you are at the office so you don’t have to remember to call later. Plus you get the premium spots versus calling last minute.
• With most digital calendars you can add multiple calendars so you can see your spouse’s, kids schedule, clients or co-workers to make it easier to keep track and create meetings.
• Only use one calendar – not one paper and one digital or one personal and one work or you may double book.
• At the beginning of the year, block out days you want to take off – like vacations, or hard anniversaries or a day after that big event or project is complete.
• For meetings put the notes or agenda into the calendar event.
• Block off a monthly catch up day where you have no appointments and meetings so you can catch up on tasks.
• Check your calendar often, but at least at the end of the day and in the morning. At the end of day, see what you can prepare for the next day.

If you are looking for a digital calendar, here are some options:

1. The one I use, Google Calendar
2. Any.do combines calendar and tasks
3. Kin connects with other things like Trello, Facebook and Wunderlist.
4. CloudCal is for Android
5. Fantastical is for Macs
6. Busy Cal also for Macs incorporates travel time, etc.
7. Accompany includes cheat sheets for the people you are meeting with.

For more time ideas, join my Change Your Relationship to Time class

In honor of Tolkien’s birthday…

I arrive home to discover a hobbit asleep in my bed. I hesitate to wake him. He might want me to go on an adventure which I don’t have time for. Then I remembered hobbits typically don’t like adventures, preferring home, food, song, and friends.

I wonder what it would be like to have a hobbit friend. Joyfully sitting around a table talking. Singing songs with a beer stein in hand. I smile as I stare at the small being with huge feet sticking out from the blanket. A toe wiggles so I move closer, touching the toe to wake him.

He slowly, sleepily opens one eye then the other. “What might you be doing in my bed, not that I am mad, just curious?” I ask. (I was also thinking about the extra, stinky laundry I will have to do.)

He smiles and tells me he had been wandering about.   “I got weary so I found the closest place for a nap,” he says nonchalantly. Imagine sleeping wherever you want when you get tired!

“Now I am famished,” says the hobbit. “Do you have any grub?” I want to be hospitable, but I am also a vegetarian. Thankfully, he seems satisfied with acorn squash and turnip greens. He is fascinated by the microwave in which I cook the squash. “I don’t understand why you need to cook things faster, though. The anticipation is the greatest part,” he says.

I sigh at the pile of dirty dishes and the mess on the table and floor. He didn’t so much eat as fling food around in abandon as he took pleasure in the process.

He asks if I want to go on a wander. I look around again before saying, “Yes. Yes, I would like that.” So off we go on a small adventure of wondering wander – close to home.

My stove stared at me crusted and greasy. I’d been meaning to clean it for a week. It’s a black and stainless steel stove so it looks grimy quickly.

But, I didn’t want to do the scrubbing it would take to get it clean. So I left it. And left it. And left it.

While making my morning smoothie the next day I had to wipe up peach juice the got everywhere. (I am such a messy cook.)

Then I thought, “What if I put on damp rags on a stove section and leave it until I was done with my smoothie?”

It took a few seconds to set up and then I drank my smoothie. By the time I was done drinking, that section of the stove was easy to wipe up. Bingo. I did it for the four sections of the stove over four days, breaking down my procrastinated task into bits that weren’t so hard.

What has you been procrastinating on that needs broken down into smaller steps? Is there anything you can use that breakfast time to clean?