For the longest time I set up my life so no one would get mad at me, instead of following Spirit, guidance, or intuition. Truth is I still do life this way more than I want. When that happens I am not doing what is true for me to do. I am not listening to my inner guidance system.
But, setting it up that way means no one gets disappointed. No one gets mad at me. I avoid any discomfort. This safety from discomfort becomes more important than living the life I am meant to live.
When avoiding discomfort becomes the priority, I don’t say no even when I know in my gut it’s a no. I stay quiet. I please. I try to control others thoughts/emotions by what I do. I do activities for other’s approval, rather than loving motivations.
Some part of me is trying to protect myself from making mistakes because as a child most of us learned that perfect = love, mistakes = disapproval. Which leads to thoughts of, “If I make a mistake or make a bad judgment call, people will hate me.”
How much of life is about keeping the inner psyche happy and undisturbed? We have made our inner critic and mind’s job to make sure life is how we expect it to be, nothing happens we don’t like, that we follow all the rules and make no mistakes. That is quite the job! No wonder so many people are exhausted.
We can be free from needing that job by allowing and forgiving our mistakes and other people’s mistakes. We can confess our character flaws so shame doesn’t try to hide and keep us safe by making us play small. We understand that this is our life, we can’t allow fear of discomfort or judgment keep us from living how we were meant to live.
Every day we can listen for guidance, pray and surrender to what we hear, instead of letting other people’s expectations and fear of discomfort guide our lives. When that discomfort arises, we can relax into it and release. We don’t need to hold onto our mind’s complaining, worried thoughts.
Let go of those thoughts before you leave the house, talk to someone, or before a call. Take a moment to center into your inner guidance before being bombarded with what the world says you should do.
When you need to make a decision, choose what feels expansive and free, not constricting and small. Check your motivations often to see if those are good reasons to be doing something or yucky reasons. You can always choose again when you get off your path.
Stay on your own side, so if you feel that twinge that someone is mad at you for not doing what they want, you can forgive yourself for whatever feelings show up, forgive them for trying to control you and be an advocate for your own time and energy.
There is only one you. So be you.
This really spoke to me. Too much of my energy has gone into people pleasing. Keeping the peace and trying not to upset overly sensitive people while doing so keeps me from doing what I need or want to do.
I see this in a lot of my clients too.
I’m a work in progress in this matter. Thank you for sharing your thoughts about this.
Yes, I think this is a work in progress for many of us, Angela! But, we are keeping our eyes open this week 🙂