This is one of the greatest simplifiers out there.
My husband will laugh, if he reads this. For much of our marriage I would hide how I truly felt.
Husband: "What do you want to do this weekend?"
Me: "I don’t know, whatever you want to do?"
Or I’d get hurt and not tell him. Just seethe inside.
And it wasn’t just marriage. I’d say yes to requests I didn’t want to. Take on projects I didn’t have time for. And try to keep the peace at all costs.
Of course the costs are big: health, honest relationships and self-esteem.
How can we bring up the honesty quotient?
- Say no you can’t do that because you are already overextended, before you end up in a big project that is overtaxing.
- Ask for help. Admit you can’t do it all yourself. (If you are in a caregiving type situation this is a great site: Lots A Helping Hands )
- If someone is being nasty to you, ask what’s up. Questioning, but not accusing. It probably has nothing to do with you. This prevents a lot of hurt feelings.
- When someone asks which restaurant you want to go to, tell them.
- Don’t make the other party try to read your mind.
- Say, "I need 5 minutes of quiet, than I’d love to hear about your day," instead of zoning out, feeling annoyed.
- If you feel yourself hiding something, get to the bottom of that. Usually it’s out of fear and pride, but sharing can bring you closer to others.
- Let your boss know of a mistake right away, along with how you plan to fix it or prevent it from happening again.
- Ask for feedback and listen without getting defensive.
- Let others be honest with you without fear you will go ballistic on them.
- Be honest about what you appreciate in others. Don’t shy away from the compliment.
- Say no to the silent treatment.
- Know exactly where you are financially and share it with your spouse if you are married.
- Don’t hide purchases from those you live with.
- Always remember that the goal is the relationship, not who’s right or who’s wrong.
Where do you want to up your honesty quotient?