Resistance

I stared at the email I was never meant to receive feeling nauseous. What I thought I knew was not what was really happening. Questions: how, why didn’t they say anything, and self-critical thoughts rammed in my head.

I couldn’t do anymore work. There was no more room in my brain for actual thinking. I sat on the couch under my cream blanket in front of the space heater. I turned on Cupcake Wars which wasn’t nearly distracting enough.

At the first commercial I thought instead of running away from this, I might want to deal with it.

So I went to my bedroom and journaled the confusion, anger and anxiety.

Once all those were on the paper I went on to ask myself, “What if the worst did happen?” Turns out I could handle it fine. My contingency plan was solid. I also asked myself, “How likely would it be for that scenario to happen?” “Not very,” was the answer.

I pushed out some imaginary boundaries around myself creating a safe, little bubble around me. Feeling more capable and powerful I went to work instead of watching more Cupcake Wars.

I have been finding it’s actually faster to feel the feelings and dialogue with what’s going on when I am feeling resistance. As opposed to procrastinating on Facebook, cleaning,or getting sucked into the internet or TV.  I could end up procrastinating for hours or days not dealing with why I don’t want to do something.

What are you resisting? What are you feeling about it?

 

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Photo by Alex

 

 

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4 comments

  • Heather (in Scotland)

    Beth – thank you for taking a time of hurt (we’ve all been there) and sharing how you didn’t just carry on trying to block it with mindless tv but actively worked through it. Do you have any further words on how you managed to “push out some imaginary boundaries around myself creating a safe, little bubble around me.”?

  • Heather (in Scotland)

    (I meant to say a time of hurt feelings/emotional hurt – I know you’ve had it much tougher than most mothers and respect and admire how you carry on with your kind and gentle words of encouragement to others.)

  • Beth Dargis

    Thank you, Heather. As far as the imaginary boundaries, I am very sensitive to other people’s energy and emotions. So often I need to make a pushing out movement with my hands with the intention of releasing the energy of others. Then I feel my own energy in my heart and push that out about 2 feet around me. If I am dealing with a lot of negative energy I picture a glass cylinder or plastic bubble around me where other people’s energy can just bounce off.

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