It’s in times of crisis that you hone in on what is most important to you. You notice what you wished you had been doing. Or realize you need to write Grandma because she can’t have visitors. Or see how needed your caregiver is. Or how being kind to others makes you feel.

Some of you may be realizing how much time you waste on stupid stuff and worries. A lot of irritations seem small in comparison to the big event changing our lives.

Things are slowing down for many people as there are no social engagements, sport events, programs to drive the kids to. (And to the workers that are now working longer and harder than ever, we thank you!)

Many people spend their lives running from one event to another.

What happens in the quiet?

How do you feel when the world doesn’t seem to spin as fast?

I hope you take some of this time going within. Journaling, making art and checking in with yourself. What have you been noticing? Are you relieved by the social break? Do you long for more of this time in your life? Have you seen how much you like laid back time with your family without obligations?

Or have you noticed you are feeling lonelier? Have you made any career realizations? Do you see where you have been stretched too thin?

Go within. Be still. Meditate. Pray. Write.

When you are no longer running – what is there? Do you see trauma that needs healing? A peace in your brain? Character traits you aren’t fond of? New decisions that need to be made? A life calling? Habits to break? Re-connecting with your spirit?

Crisis often makes wound-too-tight lifestyles collapse. You realize the way you have been doing things doesn’t work.

Anytime life goes upside down and starts to fall apart, is a good time to check in with any realizations that come from it. What are you noticing?

I have been struggling between the idea that you should not resist any thoughts and feelings that come up and directing my thoughts in a more positive direction.

One way of thought says thoughts are transient. They are not positive or negative. Welcome all thoughts and feelings. The resistance to these feelings is what produces suffering. I can see this way of thought. And have moved towards accepting everything that arises in body, mind and emotions.

I listen to my feelings. I hear my thoughts, but no longer believe everything they say is true. I have noticed often they are rehashing the past or being fearful of the future.

At the same time, I have a family history of depression and anxiety. I see when I let all the thoughts hang out I can get stuck in the fear or sadness. How do I accept all the thoughts and feelings without falling into the dark? And how do I think more positively without hiding from the pain and negativity (sometimes called spiritual bypassing).

It’s not that the darker thoughts are wrong, but they are not as helpful to me because I do get stuck. It’s hard to move forward with goals when you only see what will go wrong. It’s hard to sing in public when you are so filled with anxiety you want to get sick. It’s hard to go into social gatherings worried about the interactions.

I have created a morning practice that helps me see more positively because most of us naturally look for the negatives and downsides. In the mornings after exercise, prayer and meditation I begin writing.

• I write out my gratitudes. Not just the three or five things often touted in self-help books. I write 1-3 paragraphs of appreciation and gratitude.
• I write at least one thing I am looking forward to today. If I don’t have anything, I plan something. It can be as small as reading a chapter in a novel, drinking hot cocoa wrapped in a blanket. Or Facebook chatting one of my friends.
• I think of how I want to feel today: Serene, appreciative, radiant, connected, joyful, loving, patient, kind, giving. I pick 1-2 to concentrate on throughout the day.
• I look over my weekly goals and write out my intentions – what I want to do, why I want to do them, how I want to be doing them. “I intend to edit my book with clarity and love.” I connect with how my goals will serve others.
• I remember we are all connected.
• I play with another prompt or two. Like I appreciate… I love…I am at peace with…I surrender…Wouldn’t it be nice if…I want…I desire…I choose…I am excited about…here are some good feeling thoughts…I am…I wish…My soul says…My heart wants…I accept… These prompts help me tap into inner wisdom.

I bring my notebook that holds these writings to peek at throughout the day. Even reading one line can change my energy from a downward spiral. Plus the more I look for the good, the more I see the good naturally.

I can feel all my feelings. And I actually have practices to do that as well. But, afterwards I like to bring myself back to gratitude, appreciation and possibility. This is where my energy and optimism dwell.

I had a miserable, sick weekend and I had to stop my 30 Day of Yoga Challenge. (Creating the link, I noticed she calls it a journey. While I called it a challenge.)

So many challenges – 30 days of squats, 90 day whole foods challenge, 21 day meditation challenge and so on. That’s because challenges can work for certain people.

I love to try them out, but rarely make it to the end. But, this 30 days of yoga was going to be different. I had already made it to Day 24. Until I had stomach issues that yoga was not helping. I don’t need to bend and twist when my stomach is already knotted up.

Ahh! I felt frustrated for the days I did push through to do my yoga even when I didn’t want to. All the previous work was worth nothing because now I had failed the challenge. I had the, “See I never finish anything” self-talk. I wanted to quit even though I loved the yoga.

Time to re-frame. I was in charge, not a random challenge. It is something I want to do, not something outside myself making me do it. I can still continue even if I miss a day. I can do my yoga challenge two extra days. No big deal.

We don’t need perfectionism to smash our goals with our old stories of not finishing and never getting it right. We no longer need to be our patterns.

This goes for the Declutter Calendar, as well. I created it to simplify deciding what’s next in decluttering. Not as some strict piece of paper you have to adhere to or you are a bad person.

You don’t need to quit if you missed a day. Circle that day so you can complete when you a declutter day, you don’t have to do. (Yea, I don’t have anything above my stove, time to go back to Day 19.) Or do it next time it comes up on the calendar.

If you came in after January 1, start with today’s date and don’t try to catch up. Each day you do the calendar is progress. If you let perfectionism tell you to give up because you missed a day, remind your ego that the goal is a decluttered house – not a perfect checked off calendar.

Where is perfectionism suggesting you stop when you see a setback?

I started to get a migraine New Year’s Eve. The midnight fireworks didn’t help. I woke this morning with a doozy of migraine pain. So I went within to feel the feelings.

I noticed that I had been reading a lot of those end of year/decade retrospects of travel, family, and prosperity. My past decade was one of great loss. The biggest being my son and my Mom. In the recent couple years an empty nest. It’s been a decade of hard. So I let myself feel that pain and sadness. Sit with the feelings.

I am sure I am not the only one that has gone through a difficult decade. So give yourself time to mourn. To feel. To remember.

After letting those emotions wash over me, I reminded myself of how much stronger and more compassionate I am now. How strong my marriage is. How much deeper my spirituality. How much wiser my writing. How much more connected I am to my body and emotions.

I remember the fun with family, the adventures, getting back into singing in public and on stage, and all the nature hikes.

I look to this new decade, knowing there will be pain but also knowing there will be joy, so I hope.

My wish for all of you is that you will find joy and beauty, whatever this new decade brings. And that you would make honest connections so you are supported during the rough patches. May you know you are loved and lovable. Light and love to all of you.

I was at a family dinner one weekend. Some of my relatives were having a hard time figuring out what I do.

“People pay you to help them finish their project?” “Don’t you just say Just Do It?”

I come from a family of people that, “Just do it.”

I am not one of them. I explained that not everyone can just do it. Some people are like me, and we need to get into good mindsets and set up systems so it’s easier to do.

A lot of us have more limited energy, so we need to focus. And sometimes support in that.

Some of us procrastinated and never finish anything without accountability. I always have an accountability partner and enjoy being other people’s accountability.

I had to learn skills because I am more of an imaginative flake then a self-motivated doer.

I figured others might want to learn these skills with gentle encouragement.

People say they get so much more done in one of my classes or in coaching because of the accountability, new skills and the self-compassion I teach.

So to all of you that can’t, “Just Do It,” you are not alone. We are just wired differently.

***

If you need some encouragement and support with decluttering, my most popular class, the Declutter Group starts January 20, 2020.

As my 20-year old cat has gotten older, he has gotten more focal. In the first couple hours of work, he will come in the meow for his soft food about 5 times. Sometimes right after I have fed him and food is still in his bowl. I have to point his face to the full bowl and he will happily eat it up.

If I don’t get up right away to feed him, he will meow over and over and over. I love my cat, but by this point I am annoyed by him.

I was tired of feeling frustrated at my cat all my work day, so I needed to reframe this interruption. I started to see it as a chance to show love to my cat, Thomas. I would talk sweetly, sometimes pick him up and pet him before bringing him to the kitchen.

This loving time made me feel less frustrated. It also brought some much-needed lightness to my day. A little shot of love, that helped me with my other work.

Most of us deal with interruptions during our day. Some, more than others.

Life isn’t all about what we plan. Meaningful moments often come as interruptions or unexpected events. When we only want to follow our plan, we can miss out on opportunities to connect. Like the phone call you “don’t have time for” or the doorbell ringing or the last-minute invite. How about the kid who has said, “Mommy, look,” for the millionth time today?

Interruptions are going to happen. We can either get anxious and upset, or we can reframe them into opportunities to love and connect.

Now I need to go feed my cat who is sitting on the floor next to my chair meowing and glaring.

I’ve always had an active imagination. Many hours in my youth were spent daydreaming, making up stories, going off into fantasy-land. I would create plays, videos and radio commercials. Stones at a campsite would turn into a hero’s tale. I had my own ant circus at one campsite.

It recently occurred to me that while I still had an active imagination, it is usually making me more worried and anxious. I create “what if” scenarios or imagine the worst. My brain shows me what could go wrong and bad conversations that haven’t happened. I don’t have dreams at night, I only have nightmares.

I decided it was time to reign in the imagination. I am putting my imagination to work for me instead of against me.

I started by bringing the fun back into my imagination. Books by Jill Badonsky provide inspiration to think creatively. I create enjoyable stories and poems for amusement. Every Thursday is creative night to play.

I allow myself to daydream pleasant times. When I start to create a bad “what if?” scenario I play with visualizing a wonderful outcome.

I give myself time to create helpful plans, brainstorm, and have ideas.

Most importantly, I remind myself that all those fears and anxieties are only part of my imagination. I can imagine something different. Often now, I do.

I don’t always and I still get caught up in bad scenarios. But, the more I practice using my imagination for good, the more it comes naturally again. I have less anxiety, fear and worry.

What are you creating with your imagination?

***

I have been reading Walter Isaacson’s Leonardo Da Vinci. I am fascinated by Leonardo’s ideas and his notebooks where he posed questions, made observations, sketched inventions and drew. He didn’t have a high level of education and never grasped algebra. Yet, all this ruminating made him one of the geniuses of his generation.

No TV, internet or even radio existed in the 1400s. I was wondering about the multitude of inventions and big thoughts we aren’t having as a society because we are so focused on media.

We think other people’s thoughts. We like other people’s memes and sit to watch other people’s stories. We don’t have time for deep thinking because we are flooded with thoughts outside of ourselves. Scrolling has replaced deep thought.

This year I have added “thinking time” to my to do list. At least once a week I hang out with my brain without outside distractions – brainstorming ideas, coming up with solutions to problems, daydreaming and playing in my imagination.

I like to play with concepts in my head. Or delve further into something I have learned, allowing curiosity to lead. Many times writing ideas pop up or a different way to do things. Sometimes I write them down. More often I feed the idea until it’s ready. Eric Maisel calls this “holding” an idea.

Often I hear people discuss problems they are having, but they don’t go further to thinking about what might help. Letting your mind free to come up with bountiful solutions allows you to experiment. Leonardo loved to experiment. He would come up with ideas, play with them, observe effects and try something else if it didn’t work. Or to try something else for the experience of it.

Thinking is important to project planning as well. The first step for me in any project is thinking time instead of rushing in. I like to brainstorm, look at obstacles that might come up and how to deal with them. Or think of out of the box ideas to put in place.

To add in thinking time, I have cut down on TV and social media time. When my brain is overfull of other people’s ideas, it’s hard to create my own. Sometimes I turn off the car radio to think.

I noticed last year that media had creeped in more often. An audiobook to wash dishes by. A podcast to walk to. Instagram while I waited. Time that used to be spent daydreaming and thinking. Sometimes when motivation is low, these are great. But, if you can’t do anything without noise it may be time to evaluate.

Do you want to be the consumer? Or do you want to be the innovator, the artist, the philosopher? Where can you add thinking time to your life?

There are days like the past couple days where I feel like a failure. Not everything gets done. I was in a bad mood. I called a client an hour early. We had peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for dinner.

Then there is the added pressure of a new year where we are supposed to have it all together.

Turns out it was PMS with low energy and a migraine coming. But, this sensitive time brings to the surface thoughts that I can often bury. I am reminded where I still think in society’s standards. And feel shame of not living up to them.

I’ve tended towards going my own way. From starting my own business and working from home to letting my daughter where mismatched socks to school and forgoing bake sales. I like to think of myself as a non-conformist. I refuse to diet and let others dictate how I look. I set my own hours. We eat dinner at 4pm.

But, being a human creature, there is still that wanting to belong and not wanting to disappoint. I don’t like that it’s there, but it’s there for most people. So whenever I start to feel lots of pressure and feelings of failure, I know I have drifted from my inner guidance to the outside world.

Ways I get out this thinking:

• Remembering I am human and connection is how we are built. These feelings are normal.
• Going into prayer, finding my faith, believing in God’s timing and that what needs to get done will get done
• Slowing down between tasks and activities so I can think and process instead of going on automatic
• Reminding myself it’s arrogant to think I can get out of making mistakes. No one can. So I can ask for forgiveness instead of wallowing in energy-draining guilt.
• Staying off social media for a bit and not comparing my life to others
• Or more often comparing my life to the ideal in my head, where I always fall short and feel not enough. I check in with the now and see what’s good and what I can make better. That’s the only place you can change.
• Allowing myself to set my own standards for what is priority in my life at this time. I get to choose since it’s my life.

What new thought patterns might help you today?

How would your life be different if you didn’t need to change? Or keep up? Or improve?

How much simpler would it be?

When I look over the years, there have been hundreds of hours spent reading self-help books and blogs, taking courses, doing one self-improvement project after another, most not completed.

I get bored and move on.

I truly love learning and improving, but some times in your life it’s more important to relax and feel self-compassion.

We can’t constantly be trying to improve ourselves. We grow tired and feel an overcast of self-doubt and guilt covering our days. We are never enough. We didn’t complete enough. Our morning routines were not perfect. Our self-care was non-existent today. We ate a donut instead of green smoothie.

We are putting so much pressure on ourselves to continue to do better each day and all the time. Then come down on ourselves when we don’t.

But, life is in cycles. Sometimes you will have higher energy. During early motherhood you barely have enough to function, much less be “perfect mom.” Certain days, life throws obstacles your way. It’s rare an ideal day comes around anyway.

I see the overwhelmed hanging on so tightly they are completely wound up. It’s hard to breathe or relax – something might not go well.

Can you let go a bit? Have a whole month without a self-improvement project or non-fiction book? Trying on self-compassion instead of self-judgement?

Taking life as it comes without resistance or manically trying to fix it.

Floating, not grabbing. Breathing.

Adding space to be, where it was crammed with information on how to do it better.

Feel free to do it your way. Checking in with yourself and your God moment by moment.