I started to get a migraine New Year’s Eve. The midnight fireworks didn’t help. I woke this morning with a doozy of migraine pain. So I went within to feel the feelings.

I noticed that I had been reading a lot of those end of year/decade retrospects of travel, family, and prosperity. My past decade was one of great loss. The biggest being my son and my Mom. In the recent couple years an empty nest. It’s been a decade of hard. So I let myself feel that pain and sadness. Sit with the feelings.

I am sure I am not the only one that has gone through a difficult decade. So give yourself time to mourn. To feel. To remember.

After letting those emotions wash over me, I reminded myself of how much stronger and more compassionate I am now. How strong my marriage is. How much deeper my spirituality. How much wiser my writing. How much more connected I am to my body and emotions.

I remember the fun with family, the adventures, getting back into singing in public and on stage, and all the nature hikes.

I look to this new decade, knowing there will be pain but also knowing there will be joy, so I hope.

My wish for all of you is that you will find joy and beauty, whatever this new decade brings. And that you would make honest connections so you are supported during the rough patches. May you know you are loved and lovable. Light and love to all of you.

I was at a family dinner one weekend. Some of my relatives were having a hard time figuring out what I do.

“People pay you to help them finish their project?” “Don’t you just say Just Do It?”

I come from a family of people that, “Just do it.”

I am not one of them. I explained that not everyone can just do it. Some people are like me, and we need to get into good mindsets and set up systems so it’s easier to do.

A lot of us have more limited energy, so we need to focus. And sometimes support in that.

Some of us procrastinated and never finish anything without accountability. I always have an accountability partner and enjoy being other people’s accountability.

I had to learn skills because I am more of an imaginative flake then a self-motivated doer.

I figured others might want to learn these skills with gentle encouragement.

People say they get so much more done in one of my classes or in coaching because of the accountability, new skills and the self-compassion I teach.

So to all of you that can’t, “Just Do It,” you are not alone. We are just wired differently.

***

If you need some encouragement and support with decluttering, my most popular class, the Declutter Group starts January 20, 2020.

As my 20-year old cat has gotten older, he has gotten more focal. In the first couple hours of work, he will come in the meow for his soft food about 5 times. Sometimes right after I have fed him and food is still in his bowl. I have to point his face to the full bowl and he will happily eat it up.

If I don’t get up right away to feed him, he will meow over and over and over. I love my cat, but by this point I am annoyed by him.

I was tired of feeling frustrated at my cat all my work day, so I needed to reframe this interruption. I started to see it as a chance to show love to my cat, Thomas. I would talk sweetly, sometimes pick him up and pet him before bringing him to the kitchen.

This loving time made me feel less frustrated. It also brought some much-needed lightness to my day. A little shot of love, that helped me with my other work.

Most of us deal with interruptions during our day. Some, more than others.

Life isn’t all about what we plan. Meaningful moments often come as interruptions or unexpected events. When we only want to follow our plan, we can miss out on opportunities to connect. Like the phone call you “don’t have time for” or the doorbell ringing or the last-minute invite. How about the kid who has said, “Mommy, look,” for the millionth time today?

Interruptions are going to happen. We can either get anxious and upset, or we can reframe them into opportunities to love and connect.

Now I need to go feed my cat who is sitting on the floor next to my chair meowing and glaring.

I’ve always had an active imagination. Many hours in my youth were spent daydreaming, making up stories, going off into fantasy-land. I would create plays, videos and radio commercials. Stones at a campsite would turn into a hero’s tale. I had my own ant circus at one campsite.

It recently occurred to me that while I still had an active imagination, it is usually making me more worried and anxious. I create “what if” scenarios or imagine the worst. My brain shows me what could go wrong and bad conversations that haven’t happened. I don’t have dreams at night, I only have nightmares.

I decided it was time to reign in the imagination. I am putting my imagination to work for me instead of against me.

I started by bringing the fun back into my imagination. Books by Jill Badonsky provide inspiration to think creatively. I create enjoyable stories and poems for amusement. Every Thursday is creative night to play.

I allow myself to daydream pleasant times. When I start to create a bad “what if?” scenario I play with visualizing a wonderful outcome.

I give myself time to create helpful plans, brainstorm, and have ideas.

Most importantly, I remind myself that all those fears and anxieties are only part of my imagination. I can imagine something different. Often now, I do.

I don’t always and I still get caught up in bad scenarios. But, the more I practice using my imagination for good, the more it comes naturally again. I have less anxiety, fear and worry.

What are you creating with your imagination?

***

I have been reading Walter Isaacson’s Leonardo Da Vinci. I am fascinated by Leonardo’s ideas and his notebooks where he posed questions, made observations, sketched inventions and drew. He didn’t have a high level of education and never grasped algebra. Yet, all this ruminating made him one of the geniuses of his generation.

No TV, internet or even radio existed in the 1400s. I was wondering about the multitude of inventions and big thoughts we aren’t having as a society because we are so focused on media.

We think other people’s thoughts. We like other people’s memes and sit to watch other people’s stories. We don’t have time for deep thinking because we are flooded with thoughts outside of ourselves. Scrolling has replaced deep thought.

This year I have added “thinking time” to my to do list. At least once a week I hang out with my brain without outside distractions – brainstorming ideas, coming up with solutions to problems, daydreaming and playing in my imagination.

I like to play with concepts in my head. Or delve further into something I have learned, allowing curiosity to lead. Many times writing ideas pop up or a different way to do things. Sometimes I write them down. More often I feed the idea until it’s ready. Eric Maisel calls this “holding” an idea.

Often I hear people discuss problems they are having, but they don’t go further to thinking about what might help. Letting your mind free to come up with bountiful solutions allows you to experiment. Leonardo loved to experiment. He would come up with ideas, play with them, observe effects and try something else if it didn’t work. Or to try something else for the experience of it.

Thinking is important to project planning as well. The first step for me in any project is thinking time instead of rushing in. I like to brainstorm, look at obstacles that might come up and how to deal with them. Or think of out of the box ideas to put in place.

To add in thinking time, I have cut down on TV and social media time. When my brain is overfull of other people’s ideas, it’s hard to create my own. Sometimes I turn off the car radio to think.

I noticed last year that media had creeped in more often. An audiobook to wash dishes by. A podcast to walk to. Instagram while I waited. Time that used to be spent daydreaming and thinking. Sometimes when motivation is low, these are great. But, if you can’t do anything without quiet space it may be time to evaluate.

Do you want to be the consumer? Or do you want to be the innovator, the artist, the philosopher? Where can you add thinking time to your life?

There are days like the past couple days where I feel like a failure. Not everything gets done. I was in a bad mood. I called a client an hour early. We had peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for dinner.

Then there is the added pressure of a new year where we are supposed to have it all together.

Turns out it was PMS with low energy and a migraine coming. But, this sensitive time brings to the surface thoughts that I can often bury. I am reminded where I still think in society’s standards. And feel shame of not living up to them.

I’ve tended towards going my own way. From starting my own business and working from home to letting my daughter where mismatched socks to school and forgoing bake sales. I like to think of myself as a non-conformist. I refuse to diet and let others dictate how I look. I set my own hours. We eat dinner at 4pm.

But, being a human creature, there is still that wanting to belong and not wanting to disappoint. I don’t like that it’s there, but it’s there for most people. So whenever I start to feel lots of pressure and feelings of failure, I know I have drifted from my inner guidance to the outside world.

Ways I get out this thinking:

• Remembering I am human and connection is how we are built. These feelings are normal.
• Going into prayer, finding my faith, believing in God’s timing and that what needs to get done will get done
• Slowing down between tasks and activities so I can think and process instead of going on automatic
• Reminding myself it’s arrogant to think I can get out of making mistakes. No one can. So I can ask for forgiveness instead of wallowing in energy-draining guilt.
• Staying off social media for a bit and not comparing my life to others
• Or more often comparing my life to the ideal in my head, where I always fall short and feel not enough. I check in with the now and see what’s good and what I can make better. That’s the only place you can change.
• Allowing myself to set my own standards for what is priority in my life at this time. I get to choose since it’s my life.

What new thought patterns might help you today?

How would your life be different if you didn’t need to change? Or keep up? Or improve?

How much simpler would it be?

When I look over the years, there have been hundreds of hours spent reading self-help books and blogs, taking courses, doing one self-improvement project after another, most not completed.

I get bored and move on.

I truly love learning and improving, but some times in your life it’s more important to relax and feel self-compassion.

We can’t constantly be trying to improve ourselves. We grow tired and feel an overcast of self-doubt and guilt covering our days. We are never enough. We didn’t complete enough. Our morning routines were not perfect. Our self-care was non-existent today. We ate a donut instead of green smoothie.

We are putting so much pressure on ourselves to continue to do better each day and all the time. Then come down on ourselves when we don’t.

But, life is in cycles. Sometimes you will have higher energy. During early motherhood you barely have enough to function, much less be “perfect mom.” Certain days, life throws obstacles your way. It’s rare an ideal day comes around anyway.

I see the overwhelmed hanging on so tightly they are completely wound up. It’s hard to breathe or relax – something might not go well.

Can you let go a bit? Have a whole month without a self-improvement project or non-fiction book? Trying on self-compassion instead of self-judgement?

Taking life as it comes without resistance or manically trying to fix it.

Floating, not grabbing. Breathing.

Adding space to be, where it was crammed with information on how to do it better.

Feel free to do it your way. Checking in with yourself and your God moment by moment.

Last month was my birthday and I was preparing the evening before for an easy day. I thought maybe I would shower on my birthday, but then I thought, do I really want to do that on my day off. So I showered that evening instead of procrastinating I also:

• Put clean sheets on the bed and did as much work as possible the day before.
• Picked out a fun birthday outfit.
• Created a pretty space to read, journal and watch a movie.
• Put most of my smoothie ingredients in the smoothie blender container and set it in the fridge for a quick blend in the morning.
• Wrote out a list of fun things I wanted to do like take a nature walk and read.
• Cleaned up the house.
• Did the dishes.
• Got books from the library.

As I was preparing for my birthday, I was thinking I should do this more often. Too often stuff I could have done the night or day before, I end up doing the next day. But, what if I thought, “If it were a special day, would I want to do this the next day?” or “Will my future self really want to do this tomorrow?”

We talked about this in the declutter class as well. When we don’t do our decluttering, we are only making it harder for ourselves the next day. We want to double up our time. But, if we didn’t want to do 15 minutes today, do we really think we will want to do 30 minutes the next day?

When we procrastinate into the “I don’t wannas,” we are usually thinking about the difficulty, tiredness or boredom of right now. If you think about a finished project, how you will feel when it’s done, how you will enjoy it tomorrow if it’s already complete you can use that energy to get it done today.

I can care for tomorrow me, by preparing today. By not procrastinating. I have been doing this most days now. Future me is so happy.

(You can find more ways to stop procrastinating in my little Procrastination ecourse)

In order to create lives we want to have, we have to take responsibility, ownership of the choices we make.

It’s easy to get tossed about saying yes to too many things. To take more than your share of responsibility for other people’s choices and then claim you don’t have time for your own. To feel the victim of time, only focusing on where you don’t have as much choice, but refusing to choose where you can.

We make choices for all sorts of reasons – so people will like us, to impress, because it seems easiest.

We also decide not to choose – our attitudes, saying no, making space for what is important to us.

Many people prefer to blame other people or circumstances for their choices. But, you can only move forward when you own your choices. Then you can see you really can change and make better decisions.

If our life is not going how we want and we are not meeting our goals, we need to take ownership of the choices we have been making. Are we choosing what other people want for us instead of what is fulfilling? What is fastest rather than what will bring us towards our goals? What creates the biggest splash instead of what our soul wants?

Do you long to enjoy nature, but never make decisions creating the time? When is the next time you can spend 5 minutes outside?

Are you tired of your job and feeling you can’t do anything about it? Can you make the decision to change your attitude? Or upgrade your skills? Or research a new career?

Do you have a creative dream but feeling overwhelmed with everyone else’s stuff so you never get around to it? Notice where you are taking on other people’s stuff. Set a time in the morning before work or the kids get up. Doodle your idea at lunch.

Dig down into why you are making the decisions you are making so you can inch closer to a more authentic, fulfilled life. One small choice at a time.

Need help digging down? I do coaching and have some coaching programs.

One way to simplify your life, is to not assume life needs to cater to your preferences.

We don’t like to think we do this, but how many times have you complained that the food isn’t to your liking, the temperature is too hot or too cold, you don’t like the music, that video is stupid, a TV show is awful, the app doesn’t work how you want it to, the phone isn’t completely intuitive to your needs, or the weather is terrible.

The thing is, your preferences are not everyone’s preferences. Some people like that food, temperature, music, video, TV show, app, phone or the weather. Not everything is made for everybody.

So instead of complaining, writing a bad review or sending on a really stupid video so everyone else can see how stupid it is, acknowledge that this isn’t for you. Delete the comment, find a different video or restaurant, put on headphones to listen to music you like or open your mind about what you might be able to like about that music.

Don’t waste your time being negative about stuff that isn’t your preference.  The world doesn’t need more negativity right now and it leeches your energy and the energy of those around you.

Instead of another gripefest, share stuff you love, compliment, look for reasons to like something rather than dislike something. Ask, “How is this great?” See potential.

Move on when you don’t like it.  How freeing would that be?