Last month was my birthday and I was preparing the evening before for an easy day. I thought maybe I would shower on my birthday, but then I thought, do I really want to do that on my day off. So I showered that evening instead of procrastinating I also:

• Put clean sheets on the bed and did as much work as possible the day before.
• Picked out a fun birthday outfit.
• Created a pretty space to read, journal and watch a movie.
• Put most of my smoothie ingredients in the smoothie blender container and set it in the fridge for a quick blend in the morning.
• Wrote out a list of fun things I wanted to do like take a nature walk and read.
• Cleaned up the house.
• Did the dishes.
• Got books from the library.

As I was preparing for my birthday, I was thinking I should do this more often. Too often stuff I could have done the night or day before, I end up doing the next day. But, what if I thought, “If it were a special day, would I want to do this the next day?” or “Will my future self really want to do this tomorrow?”

We talked about this in the declutter class as well. When we don’t do our decluttering, we are only making it harder for ourselves the next day. We want to double up our time. But, if we didn’t want to do 15 minutes today, do we really think we will want to do 30 minutes the next day?

When we procrastinate into the “I don’t wannas,” we are usually thinking about the difficulty, tiredness or boredom of right now. If you think about a finished project, how you will feel when it’s done, how you will enjoy it tomorrow if it’s already complete you can use that energy to get it done today.

I can care for tomorrow me, by preparing today. By not procrastinating. I have been doing this most days now. Future me is so happy.

(You can find more ways to stop procrastinating in my little Procrastination ecourse)

In order to create lives we want to have, we have to take responsibility, ownership of the choices we make.

It’s easy to get tossed about saying yes to too many things. To take more than your share of responsibility for other people’s choices and then claim you don’t have time for your own. To feel the victim of time, only focusing on where you don’t have as much choice, but refusing to choose where you can.

We make choices for all sorts of reasons – so people will like us, to impress, because it seems easiest.

We also decide not to choose – our attitudes, saying no, making space for what is important to us.

Many people prefer to blame other people or circumstances for their choices. But, you can only move forward when you own your choices. Then you can see you really can change and make better decisions.

If our life is not going how we want and we are not meeting our goals, we need to take ownership of the choices we have been making. Are we choosing what other people want for us instead of what is fulfilling? What is fastest rather than what will bring us towards our goals? What creates the biggest splash instead of what our soul wants?

Do you long to enjoy nature, but never make decisions creating the time? When is the next time you can spend 5 minutes outside?

Are you tired of your job and feeling you can’t do anything about it? Can you make the decision to change your attitude? Or upgrade your skills? Or research a new career?

Do you have a creative dream but feeling overwhelmed with everyone else’s stuff so you never get around to it? Notice where you are taking on other people’s stuff. Set a time in the morning before work or the kids get up. Doodle your idea at lunch.

Dig down into why you are making the decisions you are making so you can inch closer to a more authentic, fulfilled life. One small choice at a time.

Need help digging down? I do coaching and have some coaching programs.

One way to simplify your life, is to not assume life needs to cater to your preferences.

We don’t like to think we do this, but how many times have you complained that the food isn’t to your liking, the temperature is too hot or too cold, you don’t like the music, that video is stupid, a TV show is awful, the app doesn’t work how you want it to, the phone isn’t completely intuitive to your needs, or the weather is terrible.

The thing is, your preferences are not everyone’s preferences. Some people like that food, temperature, music, video, TV show, app, phone or the weather. Not everything is made for everybody.

So instead of complaining, writing a bad review or sending on a really stupid video so everyone else can see how stupid it is, acknowledge that this isn’t for you. Delete the comment, find a different video or restaurant, put on headphones to listen to music you like or open your mind about what you might be able to like about that music.

Don’t waste your time being negative about stuff that isn’t your preference.  The world doesn’t need more negativity right now and it leeches your energy and the energy of those around you.

Instead of another gripefest, share stuff you love, compliment, look for reasons to like something rather than dislike something. Ask, “How is this great?” See potential.

Move on when you don’t like it.  How freeing would that be?

We spend most of our time in the mundane, taking care of home, work, self and relationships. It can be easy to fall into thinking your life is boring or unfulfilling if you only see the dailyness. “Ugh, another morning – can’t I just sleep in?” “Do I have to cook another meal?” “I want to hit my head against my desk instead of doing another report.”

But, we are in charge of putting meaning and fulfillment into our lives and our daily tasks. When we do that our lives feel fresher, we see things from other perspectives, and we are more full of joy and love. Here are some ways to add meaning to the mundane:

• In the morning you can take spiritual time to connect with what is important and intend how you want to feel, give, thank and do. No time? Do it in the shower or while brushing your teeth. Be deliberate with what you put into your day. Remember it’s your day. Say no more often to obligations and shoulds that create resentment. Curate the media you allow in. You are the gatekeeper. You may have current things you already said yes to so see how you can do those with acceptance.
• Pray or send love before answering the phone, entering a meeting or talking to someone.
• Create a beautiful space to do mundane tasks. Put birdfeeders outside your window where you wash dishes. Light a candle and play music as you do bills. Use colored pens. Clear your desk every evening. Have flowers. Use lovely notebooks. Find tissue boxes that make you feel good.  Have fun file folders.
• Actually enjoy nature –  the feel of the dirt and the vibrancy of the plants as you garden. Feel thankful for the beauty and abundance.
• Put down the electronics and focus on someone deeply as you talk to one another. Ask deeper questions. Connect more with the people in your life.
• Add love energy to your food as you are cooking. Thank the workers that made that food possible. Give gratitude for the food you have.
• Write words like love, peace or patience on your water glass for the day in wipe off marker. Then notice that intention every time you drink.
• Pause 1-5 breaths between tasks. Before moving onto the next one connect with why you are doing the action, set the intention for the feeling you want to have as you do it and/or the character trait you want to embody. (See Your To Be List.)
• Change your thoughts about your tasks to ones that give you more energy and meaning.
• Create a downtime ritual for every day. Maybe tea time with a gorgeous tea set. Yoga before bed after clearing the space with sage. A prayer walk after dinner. A deep breathing session which includes aromatherapy after work. Meditating in the same corner each evening.

It doesn’t take much time to create more fulfillment and meaning in our daily lives, but it requires presence, intention and imagination.

What is one thing you can do to add meaning to the mundane today?

I was on a renewing retreat this weekend. I came in feeling tight and heavy. I told the retreat group that my intention was to loosen up and let go of tightness.

Through meditation, journaling, prayer and conversation I came to realize I had been taking on other people’s responsibilities energetically.

I wasn’t just trying to do good work with my clients. I was feeling their emotions, managing their visions and bringing on their energy.

With family and friends I was trying to control outcomes and emotions.

By the time I got to retreat, I was holding onto so much of other people’s energy, I felt burdened and heavy.

At one point in the weekend, on a quiet morning by the pond, I walked in the labyrinth. I took a snowflake obsidian stone with me thinking it would be a good reminder of my time there when I saw it at home. I had purchased it about two weeks before.

I walked the path saying, “I release” “I surrender” “I trust” to keep my mind from wandering. When I entered the middle of the labyrinth I saw a pile of stones and pinecones others had left. “I should put my stone their as well,” I thought.

Immediately after I began thinking, “I don’t want to.” “But, I just bought this.” “I like this stone.” “I paid for this.”

But, I had a clear intuition that I needed to put the stone down on the pile. Reluctantly I did.

A whoosh of lightness and freedom came over me. Let go, let go, let go I kept hearing. The picture of me releasing the stone would be a far better picture for me to remember than keeping the stone.

I knew it felt safer trying to manage other people’s emotions and energy. I had taken on the responsibility that wasn’t mine. I did need to surrender, trust and release.

So throughout the weekend I let go of feeling responsible for others in that way. And realized I WAS responsible for my care and my radiance. I am in charge of my well-being, emotions and energy just as they are to theirs.

When I got home I could feel my radiance returning and will be mindful about taking other’s responsibilities. I added some more self-care time to my calendar.  I am doing evening yoga and releasing what isn’t mine at the end of each day.

How about you? Are you feeling burdened by other people’s energies or by trying to control? What are you holding onto that isn’t yours?

I was walking the wetlands. Three girls came running and shrieking by, probably scaring all the wildlife away on what I hoped would be a peaceful walk.

I felt the annoyance crawl up my stomach to my throat.

How could they be so rude? Where are their parents?

Then I passed them on a bench they decided to sit on. They were looking so cute. I remembered that age. I spent time running and yelling outside much my youth.

Instead of annoyance I had warmth in my heart.

We are so quick to judge, snark and criticize. It seems we don’t allow imperfection anymore – at least of others. We are taught to have self-compassion for ourselves at the same time assume that we are right. So a person can be brought down by one inartful statement or video showing their worst moment.

The next time you feel that “I am right, I can’t believe you did that. How could you?” ask when you have done or said something similar. Even in our thoughts. None of us are perfect. We can be human together.

I was writing this in the car after my walk with my windows open enjoying the summer breeze. Then a car pulled up playing rap music loudly with the bass up.

I started getting annoyed again briefly before remembering that just yesterday we were playing 80’s music in the Jeep with the windows down. I let go of the tension. I love the feeling in my body when I think of others with kindness.

It’s like the idea that you should only surround yourself with positive people. But, aren’t most people negative sometimes? Maybe the negative person needs a positive person around and your job is to be that positive person. You might be the only positive person in their lives.

Where do you see yourself judging others?

We need to give grace to others. Our world desperately needs more of this. I forgive…forgive me… are words to live by.

If you find yourself frequently overwhelmed with low energy and a vague sense of not-enoughness, check your pressure. How much self-pressure are you putting on yourself? To be perfect. To get things done. To keep up with your friends. To be what society wants you to be.

The pressure may begin with the media and society, but you are taking it in as the standard.

You get to choose. This is your life. You can choose to step away from the expectations and pressure.

It may be uncomfortable, but for your health and sanity it may be time.

Today notice when your energy flags or you are feeling anxious. What are you thinking? What are you saying to yourself? What pressure have you put on yourself?

That pressure will not help you perform better. It’s harder to perform when you are anxious.

So breathe 5 deep breaths.

Ask yourself if it’s even true what you are saying to yourself about what you must do. Is it true you have to be perfect? Is it true no one will love you if you don’t get it right or say no? Often it feels like it, but from my life and the life of my clients it’s rarely true.

Think about where this particular thought came from. Is it even you or is it a magazine, a parent, a teacher, a boss?

Then ask how the self-pressure if affecting your life. Is it worth it?

Think about what you would do and how you would do it without the pressure. How does that feel? How can you enjoy the process?

Instead of self-pressure, try self-compassion. Talk to yourself with kindness. Give yourself rest and breaks. Comfort yourself when guilt and failure arise instead of beating yourself up. Notice what you do accomplish instead of only what is undone.

Decide what enough would look like in this situation. Do that and allow yourself to be satisfied.

It’s probably not time, money or resources that is keeping you stuck instead of moving forward. Fear is the big culprit. Or maybe you call it anxiety, being uncomfortable, or feeling out of your depth.

When most of us make changes, we want to make them, yet we don’t. Our ego prefers to keep us safe with what is known. There is anxiety in change.

That is when the mind chatter comes in. “What if you get rid of this and need it in the future?” “What is you try to wake up early only to fail? Again. You are just a night owl.” “Why bother making plans? Your plans never work anyway.”

Is is a wonder that change is hard? We are fighting ourselves.

I have found the best way to make the change despite the fear is to not allow that fight within. I have decided to get up early. So when that alarm rings I will get up. As soon as I start whining to myself about how I don’t realllly have to get up yet and I’m too tired and I’m so cozy, I shut it down. I know once I start to listen to those thoughts the odds of me getting out of bed plummet.

At this stage you need to talk to yourself and pump yourself up more than listen to yourself.

If you really can’t stop the anxiety ever, why not visit a therapist who can help you work through things and/or find a good medication for you.

Go ahead and think about what makes you anxious about making a new change or habit. In the planning process. Think about the obstacles and what might go wrong so you can plan for it. Think about ways to make it easier. This is the time to deal with the fear and anxiety in change.

But, once the decision is made and you are ready to implement, stop the inner broadcast. Don’t make it any harder on yourself than it can be.

Some personalities are more inclined to flake out. I am one of those who has to create systems as prevention.

It seems more and more prevalent to make excuses. “I’m not feeling up to it.” “I know there was a deadline, but, I’ll get it done as soon as possible. I got overwhelmed.” “I know I’m late again. Traffic was ridiculous.” “I’m sorry I was supposed to help at the bake sale. I totally forgot.”

We are told we need to cut everyone slack. And most people do. They may say, “It’s no big deal”, but often resentment is building inside.

We all tend to get annoyed at people that never follow through with plans. But, most of us are in denial about how much we do it.

You may be sabotaging relationships and work opportunities with flaking out.

If you flake out a lot and feel you are disappointing people all the time, you may want to see why.

• Are you saying yes to things you really want to say no, too? Then flaking out at the last minute to get out of it? Don’t say yes, if you are dreading doing it.
• Have you over-committed yourself time-wise so you can’t actually do all the things you said yes to?
• Or made agreements, while forgetting your self-care and energy needs?
• Are you really afraid or anxious and that is why you want to bail?
• Is there something you are hiding from or not admitting?

Keeping your commitments is a basis of trust in any relationship. Once you commit to something, make every effort to follow through.

It also means – make less commitments. If you flake often, you are probably making too many commitments. Be very mindful as you say yes.

How to Quit Flaking Out

• Don’t say yes immediately. Take time. Look at your calendar. Are you overbooked?
• Have rules about how many evenings you’ll be out, which events you never attend, what things you will typically say no to so you have policies to fall back on as you make decisions.
• Set up systems like alarms to remind you to do things. As soon as you say yes, put it in your calendar and ask if there is anything you need to do before it happens like order flowers or pick up the suit from the dry cleaners. If you say you are going to pick up the milk, write it down and have an alarm set so you will do it.
• Confirm plans the day before so it is less likely either one of you will flake.
• Leave at least 10 minutes early for everything.
• Before you make an excuse to someone, check in with yourself. How can you fulfill your obligation? Show others you are considerate of their time and feelings. Not feeling like it, being tired, or overbooking yourself are not great excuses.
• Don’t text or Facebook an excuse. Actually call if you absolutely have to miss. Technology has made it too easy to break commitments.
• When you make an appointment, go to the appointment. Business people are paid for whom they serve. If you don’t show up, they don’t get paid.
• Stay for a little bit rather than not show up at all.

People are counting on you to do what you say you will do. So respect other people’s time and don’t bail on plans or decide at the last minute you can’t do something. We all have distractions and opportunities that make easy excuses. Be the person who shows up and is dependable, not just when it’s convenient.

Want to get better with time and energy? Join the Change Your Relationship to Time class.

We all like to think we will be thinner, richer, connecting with friends, have a great family and spiritual life and a beautiful home in the future. We want to be attaining goals. But, when it comes to taking actions to get there our favorite phrase is, “I’ll do it tomorrow.”

The problem is tomorrow becomes today and you end up in the same place you were yesterday. We don’t like to think of what we have to do that will take us where we want to go. For most changes there is regular action needed.

What if instead of thinking about your fantasy tomorrow, you thought about making the present better. You could be aware so you could make conscious choices that make you feel good about yourself and your life. Throughout the day you could ask what would make this moment better? Your better moments means each day gets a little better.

How would you make your breakfast time better? It can be as simple as breathing or praying before your meal. Or adding berries to your cereal. Or turning off the to list in your mind. At breakfast ask what you can do right now – not tomorrow. What feels easy and natural?

For me and writing this article, it looks like picking up and cuddling the cat for a minute instead of staying annoyed as he walks back and forth in front of the screen.

If you become aware of yourself eating snacks on the couch watching TV, what could you do in that particular moment? Could you portion out the rest of the snack, move into the kitchen, put the snack down and walk in place?

Being present and aware also helps you cement those habits, those daily actions that get you where you want to go. I read somewhere that discipline is remembering what you want.

Your present and what you do becomes your next today. What choices can you make right now that will bring you the today you want?

Join us in our New Habits course to help create sustainable habits to help you in attaining goals that make the conscious choices easier.