I have been reading Walter Isaacson’s Leonardo Da Vinci. I am fascinated by Leonardo’s ideas and his notebooks where he posed questions, made observations, sketched inventions and drew. He didn’t have a high level of education and never grasped algebra. Yet, all this ruminating made him one of the geniuses of his generation.

No TV, internet or even radio existed in the 1400s. I was wondering about the multitude of inventions and big thoughts we aren’t having as a society because we are so focused on media.

We think other people’s thoughts. We like other people’s memes and sit to watch other people’s stories. We don’t have time for deep thinking because we are flooded with thoughts outside of ourselves. Scrolling has replaced deep thought.

This year I have added “thinking time” to my to do list. At least once a week I hang out with my brain without outside distractions – brainstorming ideas, coming up with solutions to problems, daydreaming and playing in my imagination.

I like to play with concepts in my head. Or delve further into something I have learned, allowing curiosity to lead. Many times writing ideas pop up or a different way to do things. Sometimes I write them down. More often I feed the idea until it’s ready. Eric Maisel calls this “holding” an idea.

Often I hear people discuss problems they are having, but they don’t go further to thinking about what might help. Letting your mind free to come up with bountiful solutions allows you to experiment. Leonardo loved to experiment. He would come up with ideas, play with them, observe effects and try something else if it didn’t work. Or to try something else for the experience of it.

Thinking is important to project planning as well. The first step for me in any project is thinking time instead of rushing in. I like to brainstorm, look at obstacles that might come up and how to deal with them. Or think of out of the box ideas to put in place.

To add in thinking time, I have cut down on TV and social media time. When my brain is overfull of other people’s ideas, it’s hard to create my own. Sometimes I turn off the car radio to think.

I noticed last year that media had creeped in more often. An audiobook to wash dishes by. A podcast to walk to. Instagram while I waited. Time that used to be spent daydreaming and thinking. Sometimes when motivation is low, these are great. But, if you can’t do anything without quiet space it may be time to evaluate.

Do you want to be the consumer? Or do you want to be the innovator, the artist, the philosopher? Where can you add thinking time to your life?

There are days like the past couple days where I feel like a failure. Not everything gets done. I was in a bad mood. I called a client an hour early. We had peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for dinner.

Then there is the added pressure of a new year where we are supposed to have it all together.

Turns out it was PMS with low energy and a migraine coming. But, this sensitive time brings to the surface thoughts that I can often bury. I am reminded where I still think in society’s standards. And feel shame of not living up to them.

I’ve tended towards going my own way. From starting my own business and working from home to letting my daughter where mismatched socks to school and forgoing bake sales. I like to think of myself as a non-conformist. I refuse to diet and let others dictate how I look. I set my own hours. We eat dinner at 4pm.

But, being a human creature, there is still that wanting to belong and not wanting to disappoint. I don’t like that it’s there, but it’s there for most people. So whenever I start to feel lots of pressure and feelings of failure, I know I have drifted from my inner guidance to the outside world.

Ways I get out this thinking:

• Remembering I am human and connection is how we are built. These feelings are normal.
• Going into prayer, finding my faith, believing in God’s timing and that what needs to get done will get done
• Slowing down between tasks and activities so I can think and process instead of going on automatic
• Reminding myself it’s arrogant to think I can get out of making mistakes. No one can. So I can ask for forgiveness instead of wallowing in energy-draining guilt.
• Staying off social media for a bit and not comparing my life to others
• Or more often comparing my life to the ideal in my head, where I always fall short and feel not enough. I check in with the now and see what’s good and what I can make better. That’s the only place you can change.
• Allowing myself to set my own standards for what is priority in my life at this time. I get to choose since it’s my life.

What new thought patterns might help you today?

How would your life be different if you didn’t need to change? Or keep up? Or improve?

How much simpler would it be?

When I look over the years, there have been hundreds of hours spent reading self-help books and blogs, taking courses, doing one self-improvement project after another, most not completed.

I get bored and move on.

I truly love learning and improving, but some times in your life it’s more important to relax and feel self-compassion.

We can’t constantly be trying to improve ourselves. We grow tired and feel an overcast of self-doubt and guilt covering our days. We are never enough. We didn’t complete enough. Our morning routines were not perfect. Our self-care was non-existent today. We ate a donut instead of green smoothie.

We are putting so much pressure on ourselves to continue to do better each day and all the time. Then come down on ourselves when we don’t.

But, life is in cycles. Sometimes you will have higher energy. During early motherhood you barely have enough to function, much less be “perfect mom.” Certain days, life throws obstacles your way. It’s rare an ideal day comes around anyway.

I see the overwhelmed hanging on so tightly they are completely wound up. It’s hard to breathe or relax – something might not go well.

Can you let go a bit? Have a whole month without a self-improvement project or non-fiction book? Trying on self-compassion instead of self-judgement?

Taking life as it comes without resistance or manically trying to fix it.

Floating, not grabbing. Breathing.

Adding space to be, where it was crammed with information on how to do it better.

Feel free to do it your way. Checking in with yourself and your God moment by moment.

Last month was my birthday and I was preparing the evening before for an easy day. I thought maybe I would shower on my birthday, but then I thought, do I really want to do that on my day off. So I showered that evening instead of procrastinating I also:

• Put clean sheets on the bed and did as much work as possible the day before.
• Picked out a fun birthday outfit.
• Created a pretty space to read, journal and watch a movie.
• Put most of my smoothie ingredients in the smoothie blender container and set it in the fridge for a quick blend in the morning.
• Wrote out a list of fun things I wanted to do like take a nature walk and read.
• Cleaned up the house.
• Did the dishes.
• Got books from the library.

As I was preparing for my birthday, I was thinking I should do this more often. Too often stuff I could have done the night or day before, I end up doing the next day. But, what if I thought, “If it were a special day, would I want to do this the next day?” or “Will my future self really want to do this tomorrow?”

We talked about this in the declutter class as well. When we don’t do our decluttering, we are only making it harder for ourselves the next day. We want to double up our time. But, if we didn’t want to do 15 minutes today, do we really think we will want to do 30 minutes the next day?

When we procrastinate into the “I don’t wannas,” we are usually thinking about the difficulty, tiredness or boredom of right now. If you think about a finished project, how you will feel when it’s done, how you will enjoy it tomorrow if it’s already complete you can use that energy to get it done today.

I can care for tomorrow me, by preparing today. By not procrastinating. I have been doing this most days now. Future me is so happy.

(You can find more ways to stop procrastinating in my little Procrastination ecourse)

In order to create lives we want to have, we have to take responsibility, ownership of the choices we make.

It’s easy to get tossed about saying yes to too many things. To take more than your share of responsibility for other people’s choices and then claim you don’t have time for your own. To feel the victim of time, only focusing on where you don’t have as much choice, but refusing to choose where you can.

We make choices for all sorts of reasons – so people will like us, to impress, because it seems easiest.

We also decide not to choose – our attitudes, saying no, making space for what is important to us.

Many people prefer to blame other people or circumstances for their choices. But, you can only move forward when you own your choices. Then you can see you really can change and make better decisions.

If our life is not going how we want and we are not meeting our goals, we need to take ownership of the choices we have been making. Are we choosing what other people want for us instead of what is fulfilling? What is fastest rather than what will bring us towards our goals? What creates the biggest splash instead of what our soul wants?

Do you long to enjoy nature, but never make decisions creating the time? When is the next time you can spend 5 minutes outside?

Are you tired of your job and feeling you can’t do anything about it? Can you make the decision to change your attitude? Or upgrade your skills? Or research a new career?

Do you have a creative dream but feeling overwhelmed with everyone else’s stuff so you never get around to it? Notice where you are taking on other people’s stuff. Set a time in the morning before work or the kids get up. Doodle your idea at lunch.

Dig down into why you are making the decisions you are making so you can inch closer to a more authentic, fulfilled life. One small choice at a time.

Need help digging down? I do coaching and have some coaching programs.

One way to simplify your life, is to not assume life needs to cater to your preferences.

We don’t like to think we do this, but how many times have you complained that the food isn’t to your liking, the temperature is too hot or too cold, you don’t like the music, that video is stupid, a TV show is awful, the app doesn’t work how you want it to, the phone isn’t completely intuitive to your needs, or the weather is terrible.

The thing is, your preferences are not everyone’s preferences. Some people like that food, temperature, music, video, TV show, app, phone or the weather. Not everything is made for everybody.

So instead of complaining, writing a bad review or sending on a really stupid video so everyone else can see how stupid it is, acknowledge that this isn’t for you. Delete the comment, find a different video or restaurant, put on headphones to listen to music you like or open your mind about what you might be able to like about that music.

Don’t waste your time being negative about stuff that isn’t your preference.  The world doesn’t need more negativity right now and it leeches your energy and the energy of those around you.

Instead of another gripefest, share stuff you love, compliment, look for reasons to like something rather than dislike something. Ask, “How is this great?” See potential.

Move on when you don’t like it.  How freeing would that be?

We spend most of our time in the mundane, taking care of home, work, self and relationships. It can be easy to fall into thinking your life is boring or unfulfilling if you only see the dailyness. “Ugh, another morning – can’t I just sleep in?” “Do I have to cook another meal?” “I want to hit my head against my desk instead of doing another report.”

But, we are in charge of putting meaning and fulfillment into our lives and our daily tasks. When we do that our lives feel fresher, we see things from other perspectives, and we are more full of joy and love. Here are some ways to add meaning to the mundane:

• In the morning you can take spiritual time to connect with what is important and intend how you want to feel, give, thank and do. No time? Do it in the shower or while brushing your teeth. Be deliberate with what you put into your day. Remember it’s your day. Say no more often to obligations and shoulds that create resentment. Curate the media you allow in. You are the gatekeeper. You may have current things you already said yes to so see how you can do those with acceptance.
• Pray or send love before answering the phone, entering a meeting or talking to someone.
• Create a beautiful space to do mundane tasks. Put birdfeeders outside your window where you wash dishes. Light a candle and play music as you do bills. Use colored pens. Clear your desk every evening. Have flowers. Use lovely notebooks. Find tissue boxes that make you feel good.  Have fun file folders.
• Actually enjoy nature –  the feel of the dirt and the vibrancy of the plants as you garden. Feel thankful for the beauty and abundance.
• Put down the electronics and focus on someone deeply as you talk to one another. Ask deeper questions. Connect more with the people in your life.
• Add love energy to your food as you are cooking. Thank the workers that made that food possible. Give gratitude for the food you have.
• Write words like love, peace or patience on your water glass for the day in wipe off marker. Then notice that intention every time you drink.
• Pause 1-5 breaths between tasks. Before moving onto the next one connect with why you are doing the action, set the intention for the feeling you want to have as you do it and/or the character trait you want to embody. (See Your To Be List.)
• Change your thoughts about your tasks to ones that give you more energy and meaning.
• Create a downtime ritual for every day. Maybe tea time with a gorgeous tea set. Yoga before bed after clearing the space with sage. A prayer walk after dinner. A deep breathing session which includes aromatherapy after work. Meditating in the same corner each evening.

It doesn’t take much time to create more fulfillment and meaning in our daily lives, but it requires presence, intention and imagination.

What is one thing you can do to add meaning to the mundane today?

I was on a renewing retreat this weekend. I came in feeling tight and heavy. I told the retreat group that my intention was to loosen up and let go of tightness.

Through meditation, journaling, prayer and conversation I came to realize I had been taking on other people’s responsibilities energetically.

I wasn’t just trying to do good work with my clients. I was feeling their emotions, managing their visions and bringing on their energy.

With family and friends I was trying to control outcomes and emotions.

By the time I got to retreat, I was holding onto so much of other people’s energy, I felt burdened and heavy.

At one point in the weekend, on a quiet morning by the pond, I walked in the labyrinth. I took a snowflake obsidian stone with me thinking it would be a good reminder of my time there when I saw it at home. I had purchased it about two weeks before.

I walked the path saying, “I release” “I surrender” “I trust” to keep my mind from wandering. When I entered the middle of the labyrinth I saw a pile of stones and pinecones others had left. “I should put my stone their as well,” I thought.

Immediately after I began thinking, “I don’t want to.” “But, I just bought this.” “I like this stone.” “I paid for this.”

But, I had a clear intuition that I needed to put the stone down on the pile. Reluctantly I did.

A whoosh of lightness and freedom came over me. Let go, let go, let go I kept hearing. The picture of me releasing the stone would be a far better picture for me to remember than keeping the stone.

I knew it felt safer trying to manage other people’s emotions and energy. I had taken on the responsibility that wasn’t mine. I did need to surrender, trust and release.

So throughout the weekend I let go of feeling responsible for others in that way. And realized I WAS responsible for my care and my radiance. I am in charge of my well-being, emotions and energy just as they are to theirs.

When I got home I could feel my radiance returning and will be mindful about taking other’s responsibilities. I added some more self-care time to my calendar.  I am doing evening yoga and releasing what isn’t mine at the end of each day.

How about you? Are you feeling burdened by other people’s energies or by trying to control? What are you holding onto that isn’t yours?

I was walking the wetlands. Three girls came running and shrieking by, probably scaring all the wildlife away on what I hoped would be a peaceful walk.

I felt the annoyance crawl up my stomach to my throat.

How could they be so rude? Where are their parents?

Then I passed them on a bench they decided to sit on. They were looking so cute. I remembered that age. I spent time running and yelling outside much my youth.

Instead of annoyance I had warmth in my heart.

We are so quick to judge, snark and criticize. It seems we don’t allow imperfection anymore – at least of others. We are taught to have self-compassion for ourselves at the same time assume that we are right. So a person can be brought down by one inartful statement or video showing their worst moment.

The next time you feel that “I am right, I can’t believe you did that. How could you?” ask when you have done or said something similar. Even in our thoughts. None of us are perfect. We can be human together.

I was writing this in the car after my walk with my windows open enjoying the summer breeze. Then a car pulled up playing rap music loudly with the bass up.

I started getting annoyed again briefly before remembering that just yesterday we were playing 80’s music in the Jeep with the windows down. I let go of the tension. I love the feeling in my body when I think of others with kindness.

It’s like the idea that you should only surround yourself with positive people. But, aren’t most people negative sometimes? Maybe the negative person needs a positive person around and your job is to be that positive person. You might be the only positive person in their lives.

Where do you see yourself judging others?

We need to give grace to others. Our world desperately needs more of this. I forgive…forgive me… are words to live by.

If you find yourself frequently overwhelmed with low energy and a vague sense of not-enoughness, check your pressure. How much self-pressure are you putting on yourself? To be perfect. To get things done. To keep up with your friends. To be what society wants you to be.

The pressure may begin with the media and society, but you are taking it in as the standard.

You get to choose. This is your life. You can choose to step away from the expectations and pressure.

It may be uncomfortable, but for your health and sanity it may be time.

Today notice when your energy flags or you are feeling anxious. What are you thinking? What are you saying to yourself? What pressure have you put on yourself?

That pressure will not help you perform better. It’s harder to perform when you are anxious.

So breathe 5 deep breaths.

Ask yourself if it’s even true what you are saying to yourself about what you must do. Is it true you have to be perfect? Is it true no one will love you if you don’t get it right or say no? Often it feels like it, but from my life and the life of my clients it’s rarely true.

Think about where this particular thought came from. Is it even you or is it a magazine, a parent, a teacher, a boss?

Then ask how the self-pressure if affecting your life. Is it worth it?

Think about what you would do and how you would do it without the pressure. How does that feel? How can you enjoy the process?

Instead of self-pressure, try self-compassion. Talk to yourself with kindness. Give yourself rest and breaks. Comfort yourself when guilt and failure arise instead of beating yourself up. Notice what you do accomplish instead of only what is undone.

Decide what enough would look like in this situation. Do that and allow yourself to be satisfied.