September 24 is National Innergize Day. This is a day to relax, reflect and rejuvenate yourself, focusing on your inner well-being.

One way to innergize is to create and use a space for your relaxation. We’ve been talking about decluttering and one reason to declutter is to make room for nurturing spaces. Too much of our homes hold objects from the past or “what if I need this” futures. We need places for your current self to enjoy and be renewed.

How to Create a Cozy Retreat

• Find a Space. What area of your home tends to calm you or you can picture it calming you? It can be a corner, a room, an alcove, part of a guest bedroom, a closet, or even the bathroom.
• Declutter the area. Don’t know where to begin? Start at the doorway then keep going left as you declutter. Remove anything that doesn’t say relaxation to you. You want to keep objects that bring you peace. A more minimal room opens up space to create your cozy haven and allows your mind to relax more.
• Color. Do you have soothing colors here? Perhaps a peaceful blue, green, grey or lavender? What color for you signals that it is time to let go? You don’t have to re-paint if you don’t want to, but bring in some decorations, furniture or comforts in that color.
• Furniture. Creating a peaceful and nourishing environment to relax is important in relieving stress. Incorporate comfortable and supportive furnishings to help you unwind. Have a chair that is easy to read in for your favorite reading position. Perhaps a nice ottoman or foot stool. Do you have room for a couch? You might need storage solutions. Think about what you need to make this space support you.
• Natural, relaxing lighting. The blue light of most LED or fluorescent bulbs can agitate your system. So, try a full spectrum light bulb here. Sometimes you can enjoy sitting in candlelight, maybe with warm tea, so have candles nearby. Also, if you will be reading in the evening you can use Red Night Glasses to block out blue light and make it easier to transition to sleep.
• Decorations. Do you have any memorabilia, pictures or photos that make you feel good you would like to display? Perhaps a salt lamp has the ambient light you want. Include just a few soothing, happy decorations. You don’t want to re-clutter here.
• Music and white noise. Music settles the soul quicker than most things. So make sure you have a way to listen – a CD player, an iPod/iPhone speaker system, a vintage record player. How do you like to listen to music? You can also have soothing sounds from a white noise or nature sound machine/alarm system. I use Homedics White Noise Portable Sound Machine. There are many phone apps that have meditative music or nature sounds so you can take your restful place with you. You can create a relaxation playlist for when you are in your retreat place.
• Aromatherapy. Your sense of smell is primal and can have a powerful effect on how you feel about a space. Some of the most relaxing essential oil scents are chamomile, clary sage, lavender, rose and ylang ylang. You can use these scents in a variety of ways. I use a this portable diffuser. You can also use a carrier oil like jojoba oil and a few drops to massage into the skin. Before I got my diffuser I would put some drops of oil on cotton balls nearby. If your relax space is in the bathroom you can put 5 drops or so in your bath. You can use a spritzer to combine water and about 10 drops of oil. Keep a basket of your essential oil supplies in your area.
• Touch. We’ve talked about what we see, hear and smell in a relaxing space. How about what you touch? A cozy blanket. Warm slippers. Massage lotion to rub your feet. A Back Buddy or other massage tool. A foot bath. A yoga mat. Bring at least one thing into your space that nurtures your sense of touch.
• Nature. I adore walks in nature for reconnecting to the soul so I try to bring the natural world back into any relaxation space. It can be a window with bird feeders outside. Or a shelf of stones and shells. Flowers from the farmer’s market. Green plants. Pinecones from walks. Driftwood from the beach. Where can you add nature?
• Books. What are some of your favorite childhood books? Perhaps there are books with relaxation tips you own. Do you have a yoga book or a spiritual book that feels like coming home? Include a shelf of books, hide them in a pretty bag or have a couple stacked somewhere or in between fantastic bookends.
• Spiritual. Find space for whatever spiritual practice you have or want to have. Maybe a meditation cushion, prayer journal, mala beads, or a gratitude list.
• Creative. Some people like to relax with art. Do you have a table you can set up for coloring, watercolor painting, drawing, scrapbooking, etc.? You can have a box or storage unit with a few supplies. This isn’t necessarily a craft room which can be an overwhelming place. It’s a spot to dabble in your art if that calls to you.

You don’t need to use all these suggestions. You will want to include what nurtures you in your space. It will also depend on how big an area you have. You don’t want an overwhelming, cluttered space.

What one thing can you do today to create a cozy retreat place for you? Then schedule time to enjoy your haven.

I see this a lot with clients. They are doing new habits, working on projects or doing the organizing. Then one day, boom, they are too tired to do anything. They complain about some sort of drama in their life or problem that is bringing them down. All their energy has been torpedoed into that difficulty. They are thinking about it non-stop.

But, it’s usually not the problem that is destroying the energy. It’s the ruminating about the issue but not sitting down to feel it. All that angst in the mind protects them from actually feeling the feelings.

The emotions are just under the surface draining away energy. Tightness stops the flow of breath. Whole days can be wasted in this “almost feeling” state.

If you allow yourself to feel those feelings though, you’ll find it doesn’t take that long to process. You can meditate on the feelings, draw, dance, journal, or talk with someone you allow them to move through the body. This frees up your energy again. (Read this post on stopping an emotional spiral.)

The feelings themselves flow pretty quickly, but it’s the story about what happened that keeps you stuck. Stay in the body and heart and out of the head when you are feeling the feelings. Your mind will keep you in, “Woe is me.”

Once you feel the feelings you will be better able to manage the problem. Then you will have more energy to make the changes you want to make.

If you are feeling dry and stale or thinking that your life is nothing but drudgery, a great question to ask is,

“Where is my heart?”

When you disconnect what you do with purpose, your senses or joy, you dry out.

Does your work feel like nothing but to dos that you don’t want to do? If you are working, you must be serving someone or no one would pay you. Who are you serving? Whose life are you making better?

If you don’t like working where you are right now, how can you bring more fun or beauty into your work? Perhaps you can you organize your space, put something beautiful in the space or wear ear plugs to drown out annoying noise. Maybe you need an aromatherapy pillow. Can you notice how your character is improving in this situation or notice where you are growing?

If you are parenting, Remember you are trying to bring up kids of character and responsibility instead of remembering that they are being a real pain right now. Seeing how you want them to turn out pulls you from the dailyness of taking care of kids. You can also try taking part of the parenting time to relax and play with them. So it’s not all work for you or them.

When you do housework are you focused only on, “I have to do dishes AGAIN?” or do you see the outcome of the clean kitchen. Think of how you are nurturing you and your family. Or enjoying creating beauty. You can allow yourself to gaze for a second or two in appreciation of the newly polished kitchen table. Using natural cleansers with pleasant scents makes cleaning more enjoyable. As does music.

As you go throughout your day, keep asking, “Where is my heart?” Bring joy, beauty or purpose to whatever you do.

Then see if your life is juicier.

If you need help finding the time or losing the guilt for self-care, get my Simple Self-Care eBook.

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Photo by Mauro Cateb

Work tends to be a place where we forget self-care and self-compassion. We get into doing mode. We strive. We try hard. Our focus tends to be outside ourselves. Whether it’s a job, working from home or tackling kids and the house.

So I think we all need a self-care box where we work.  I keep mine in one of my desk cubbies. I’ll put what is in my self-care box, but you put in what nurtures you.

Now the box doesn’t normally have all those things sticking out of it, but I thought you could see some things better that way.

• A head massager I got at one of those home parties years ago
• Sticks that make noise from when my kids were little (great for getting aggressive energy out)
• A heat massager for my neck
• Cough drops
• Hand lotion of different varities
• Thank you cards
• Pomegranate lip balm and a few others
• Glasses cleaning cloth
• Bubbles
• A glitter lotion – ’cause it’s fun
• Hand sanitizer
• Cuticle oil pen (hey, I forgot that was in there!)
• Mini-flahslight
• Essential oils
• A squishy stress ball (well actually it’s a unicorn)
• A worry stone

Mine also has a clip on the outside to clip positive quotes, affirmations or new habits I am working on.

What would feel like self-care to you? Just 30 seconds with one of the above items can change how your energy.

Need a refresher on taking care of yourself? Enjoy my Simple Self-Care eBook.

I was on a renewing retreat this weekend. I came in feeling tight and heavy. I told the retreat group that my intention was to loosen up and let go of tightness.

Through meditation, journaling, prayer and conversation I came to realize I had been taking on other people’s responsibilities energetically.

I wasn’t just trying to do good work with my clients. I was feeling their emotions, managing their visions and bringing on their energy.

With family and friends I was trying to control outcomes and emotions.

By the time I got to retreat, I was holding onto so much of other people’s energy, I felt burdened and heavy.

At one point in the weekend, on a quiet morning by the pond, I walked in the labyrinth. I took a snowflake obsidian stone with me thinking it would be a good reminder of my time there when I saw it at home. I had purchased it about two weeks before.

I walked the path saying, “I release” “I surrender” “I trust” to keep my mind from wandering. When I entered the middle of the labyrinth I saw a pile of stones and pinecones others had left. “I should put my stone their as well,” I thought.

Immediately after I began thinking, “I don’t want to.” “But, I just bought this.” “I like this stone.” “I paid for this.”

But, I had a clear intuition that I needed to put the stone down on the pile. Reluctantly I did.

A whoosh of lightness and freedom came over me. Let go, let go, let go I kept hearing. The picture of me releasing the stone would be a far better picture for me to remember than keeping the stone.

I knew it felt safer trying to manage other people’s emotions and energy. I had taken on the responsibility that wasn’t mine. I did need to surrender, trust and release.

So throughout the weekend I let go of feeling responsible for others in that way. And realized I WAS responsible for my care and my radiance. I am in charge of my well-being, emotions and energy just as they are to theirs.

When I got home I could feel my radiance returning and will be mindful about taking other’s responsibilities. I added some more self-care time to my calendar.  I am doing evening yoga and releasing what isn’t mine at the end of each day.

How about you? Are you feeling burdened by other people’s energies or by trying to control? What are you holding onto that isn’t yours?

I wrote how getting a new TV spurns more projects and the projects kept growing. One project it led to was creating an exercise room. The living room was looking so streamlined and serene after the extra decluttering from removing the entertainment center, that I no longer liked my exercise stuff there.

I’ve had my exercise things in the living room because I didn’t want to wake my daughter during my early morning movement. But, she moved out in December so it was a perfect time to create the exercise room. I had been exercising upstairs anyway, but most of my equipment was in the living room.

It’s really more like exercise part of an area upstairs rather than a room. It’s in an area that connects the three bedrooms upstairs. It also houses cat toys, a craft table, the DVD and CDs and a computer.

1) The first thing I did was bring my weights upstairs and put them under the craft table. That was exercise in itself.

2) I keep my yoga mat out so I can do a little yoga before bed or throughout the day, not just morning.

3) On the computer desk I put some fitness books plus pilates and yoga cards. I decluttered my exercise accordion folder with exercises ripped from magazines categorized by what type of exercise ie upper, full body, cardio, yoga, etc. On my computer I bookmarked Yoga with Adriene and BeFit in YouTube along with a couple courses I bought from Daily OM.

4) Next to bring upstairs were my dance DVDs, Zumba, P90x and other exercise DVDs.  I got rid of the last few VHS tapes as our tape player no longer works, to make room for them in our DVD movies/CD collection.

5) I found a shoebox for my bands and put that under the craft table as well.

I don’t have any big equipment like treadmills or ellipticals. I know myself and would get bored with them too fast. But, I would have room if moved the yoga mat. I do much of my cardio outside with walking, hiking, swimming and Groove classes. Your exercise room or area would have what you love to do for exercise.

One of the first things I do in the morning is exercise, so now I have it all in one space. I have been re-invigorated by equipment and DVDs I had forgotten about. I love having my yoga mat out all the time.

Is this a beautiful and fancy room? No, but it’s functional and has a fan. It helps me exercise more. I am very happy with my new space.

What have you been wanting to do more of in your life? Do you have a space for it?

Want motivation to start and complete that project? Join the next Project class.

So many migraines that month. So I was extra hard on myself regarding my health. “I shouldn’t have eaten that.” “I should have gone to bed earlier.” “I should have exercised.” “I shouldn’t have exercised.” Like many health things you don’t know till after the result.

When I fall into the should trap, I know I am in trouble.

All that self-talk was making me feel like an unhealthy person that makes unhealthy choices – despite having really good numbers from the doctor a few weeks before.

I decided to look at my healthy choices instead to reframe how I look at me and my health.

Just the other morning I was up early, made a smoothie, walked the beach giving a big smile and good morning to everyone I passed by. I wrote this on a bench overlooking the channel doing quiet time. I thought about all the fruits and vegetables I eat and how I exercise regularly. I take my vitamins regularly and always floss.  I go to the chiropractor.

Seeing ourselves in a new way is the first hurdle of change.

So I thought about how I would act if I saw myself as a healthy person who makes healthy choices. How would you?

I wasn’t even going to walk the wetlands. I had woken from a nap after another migraine hit. Daily for the past two weeks.

But, my inner voice said to go. The wetlands were cool, sunny and green. And loud. The red-wing blackbirds, robins and little yellow birds were tweeting. The frogs were making their deep trombone noise. Even the swan made a long, low call I hadn’t heard before.

When a mom and her boy walked by, I couldn’t get out hi. My voice was soft and could barely be heard so I waved instead. The boy happily shouted, “She’s waving!”

Why couldn’t I speak? Where in my life wasn’t I speaking?

I hadn’t expressed or sat with feelings around Mother’s Day. First without my Mom, 7 without my son and my cousin 10 years younger than me died that same week. It was unexpected and he was a sweet, gentle, funny soul.

My voice refused to sing two songs at choir Mother’s Day morning.

I didn’t want to sit with any of the losses, but sit I did. On the couch with my ice pack on my head. But, I wasn’t processing a thing.

I wanted to go to the funeral in St. Louis the weekend after, but the migraine kept going. I even got a shot from the doctor.

Finally, I spoke to a friend over lunch during that 8-hour break from pain the shot gave me. And the migraine still came back. I was mad at myself, my body, my migraine. Everything was betraying me.

I was alone Friday night and read various books on healing. I did the Calm Body Meditation by Sandy Newbigging. He was saying many health and other problems were due to your conflict with what is. Your resistance.

I was so tight. I was resisting everything. I had to say I was willing to have my migraine. I was willing to have the feelings of sorrow. I was willing not to do what I want and drive 5 hours in the car.

As I let go of resistance, my  body felt freer, looser.

I woke up with a migraine again on Saturday morning, but I did some Calm Meditation and being with things. It went away until evening. Instead of pushing through to do stuff with my migraine, I allowed myself to take a nap which it seemed my body wanted to do.

An hour later I was up enjoying nature and the sound of birds.

A reminder to listen to that inner knowing, notice what I am resisting and express what I am feeling.

We all have little self-care rituals that help us feel better. But, when it’s time to do them we make excuses of not enough time, too many needs from other people, or being too tired.

I feel much better when I do my full “right before bed routine.”

• Spraying my feet with a magnesium/lavender oil
• Projecting the time onto the ceiling from the alarm clock for when I wake up too early (Is is 15 min early or 2 hours early?)
• Turning on my white noise machine
• Getting under the sheets from the bed I made that morning
• Putting on my eye mask so it’s really dark
• Placing a pillow between my knees so my hips are more aligned

Now all this takes under 5 minutes and recently I noticed I was making excuses not to do it.

I know it makes my sleep better (and I struggle with insomnia). Yet, I kept telling myself I was too tired and would just go to sleep without doing my things. Usually that meant waking up multiple times for light or noise or muscle twinges.

Knowing I sleep much better with my ritual, I’ve decided to make it a non-negotiable. It becomes something I always do without arguing with myself.

I have been sleeping much better.

What self-care ritual would be helpful to turn into a non-negotiable?

September is my busiest work time. So instead of the languid summer morning quiet time to get centered, I sometimes only have a few minutes.

It turns out that’s all I need. Once I got out of the “shoulds”: I should meditate, pray, exercise, read affirmations, wake up at 6am, Bible study, oil pull, stretch, drink water and lemon, do deep breathing exercises, journal, do morning pages, gratitude, dry brush, etc.

We’ve read the magazine articles that have told us what we need to do for self-care. It’s exhausting. When we don’t do what we think we are supposed to do for self-care, it makes us feel guilty on top of the less time for self-care. Yet some times of life like care-giving and young kids we don’t have as much time. If we focus on being guilty, we don’t get the full renewal of small times of centering.

When I thought about what my purpose was for my quiet time – to connect with God & myself and get me into a good mind-set for the day ahead, a moment can do these things. A moment of awe, or gratitude, or a song.

So maybe one day I do a 5 minutes meditation on God’s word and feel inspired for the day. Another day when my monkey mind is going wild I journal to get to peace. A morning spent in the backyard writing about what I see can change my mood.

We don’t need to do everything every morning. And we certainly don’t need to feel guilty about it. Find renewal in the moment you have.

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Photo by me in the backyard

Looking to simplify or start your self-care routine? I have a playbook and I do coaching around self-care: Simple Self-Care